Grandma
My grandmother died this morning.
On the one hand, I can't feel too sad about her passing; she led a long, healthy and - aside from my father/her son dying fairly young - happy life and she more or less chose her own time, in the company of dozens of friends and family members, with her mind intact until she died in her sleep. I will miss her, but I knew she couldn't live forever, and I couldn't think of a better way to go. She even lived to meet the Boy, who bears her son's/my father's name.
On the other hand, it dawned on me that my grandmother's death leaves me with only one living ancestor: my mother. I have no current health worries about Ma, but in addition to knowing I'll never see or talk to my grandmother again, I feel a sense of loss of my own history. I haven't just lost the opportunity to connect with my grandmother; I've lost access to all her memories and perspectives. I don't talk regularly with too many 89-year-olds, and I have nobody near that age left in my family. I haven't just lost a grandmother; I've now lost a whole generation in my own past. I have only my mother to connect me biologically to my past.
On the one hand, I can't feel too sad about her passing; she led a long, healthy and - aside from my father/her son dying fairly young - happy life and she more or less chose her own time, in the company of dozens of friends and family members, with her mind intact until she died in her sleep. I will miss her, but I knew she couldn't live forever, and I couldn't think of a better way to go. She even lived to meet the Boy, who bears her son's/my father's name.
On the other hand, it dawned on me that my grandmother's death leaves me with only one living ancestor: my mother. I have no current health worries about Ma, but in addition to knowing I'll never see or talk to my grandmother again, I feel a sense of loss of my own history. I haven't just lost the opportunity to connect with my grandmother; I've lost access to all her memories and perspectives. I don't talk regularly with too many 89-year-olds, and I have nobody near that age left in my family. I haven't just lost a grandmother; I've now lost a whole generation in my own past. I have only my mother to connect me biologically to my past.