Seacrest Out ... or In ... Whatever
As you'll remember from a past post, my faithful cordless beard trimmer of nearly a decade ceased to hold a charge mid-trim recently, necessitating a new beard trimmer. I took the opportunity to forego future fiascos by choosing a trimmer with a cord, and stepped up to fuckin' titanium blades, too. It comforts me to know I could kill an intruder with this thing should the need arise.
Facial hair fashions have changed drastically since I received my previous trimmer from the Wife in 1997, and having long ignored intervening trends, I failed to realize that beard trimming technology had kept up with them in my absence. And of course, only assholes read directions for anything so simple as a beard trimmer. Still, I wisely decided to test the machine on hair generally out of public view before I applied it to my face (use your imagination, I could have gone a few ways with this, but I'll let you think what you want). I even used a higher setting on the guard (six of nine) than with my previous trimmer, just to stay on the safe side. But two things worked against me: having foregone any printed instructions, I didn't hold the trimmer correctly, and apparently the good folks at Remington now design their trimmers for the Ryan Seacrest crowd ("Hm ... should I go with two days of stubble, or two and a half?"). So, six shorn shit short. While my hair grows fast, it will still take days to regain that "back to normal" feeling.
After all that, I went and trimmed my beard anyway, holding it correctly this time but still using six of nine on the guard. The facial hair didn't come out quite Seacrest short, but it looks as though my hairy ass will go nine of nine from here on out.