Bummed
I did an audition for a show here in town yesterday, and at the end of the day was informed I got it.
Way tickled, thought the commitment was such that I'd be able to pull it off without putting my family through too much hardship.
After looking at the dates and all our calendars, I realize trying to make it happen would involve moving heaven and earth. With all the kiddo's issues at such a fever pitch right now, I simply can't do it and hand him off to a babysitter. The babysitter would go out of his/her mind dealing with the untreated ADD and the problems that cause regarding homework, plus the evening OCD terrors that are still present. And the kiddo would probably feel even MORE freaked out having me gone at bedtime for the 6 weeks of previews/perfs.
I am so tired and sad, and I'm trying not to be resentful about all this. It is not my husband's fault that his job requires him to be away from the house so often, and it is not the kiddo's fault that he's struggling with two very upsetting disorders and needs his mom's help now more than ever.
But it's still very upsetting to me. I feel like I've been doing my best to get my priorities straight and live Life on Life's terms...but it's hard when I feel the old resentments come up that tell me I'm doing so much for other people and I get the fuzzy end of the lollypop. Which I know isn't true...but still. I wonder when I'll ever be able to get back to my career. When I'll ever be able to get back onstage. Way bummed.
Way tickled, thought the commitment was such that I'd be able to pull it off without putting my family through too much hardship.
After looking at the dates and all our calendars, I realize trying to make it happen would involve moving heaven and earth. With all the kiddo's issues at such a fever pitch right now, I simply can't do it and hand him off to a babysitter. The babysitter would go out of his/her mind dealing with the untreated ADD and the problems that cause regarding homework, plus the evening OCD terrors that are still present. And the kiddo would probably feel even MORE freaked out having me gone at bedtime for the 6 weeks of previews/perfs.
I am so tired and sad, and I'm trying not to be resentful about all this. It is not my husband's fault that his job requires him to be away from the house so often, and it is not the kiddo's fault that he's struggling with two very upsetting disorders and needs his mom's help now more than ever.
But it's still very upsetting to me. I feel like I've been doing my best to get my priorities straight and live Life on Life's terms...but it's hard when I feel the old resentments come up that tell me I'm doing so much for other people and I get the fuzzy end of the lollypop. Which I know isn't true...but still. I wonder when I'll ever be able to get back to my career. When I'll ever be able to get back onstage. Way bummed.