Not sure why I bother...
I am exhausted. Emotionally. Physically. Mentally. When Eric started school I knew that things would without doubt become harder. I knew that I would probably lose all of my free time, that I would become all work and no play. This didn't bother me on many levels. However I find that more and more I am lonely...and I really don't have many people to talk to. I am hardly awake in the day time, and the only person awake to call me at night is Jonathan. He's been a really good friend through all of this emotional nonsense that I've been suffering through. He knows the whole story, he understands how I feel and he never judges me for the times I don't call back because I've fallen asleep or had to take care of something. It's just "where did you go?" and that's the last I hear of it. It's really nice to know that I have that. I figure people probably have better things to do with their time than worry about me anyway. I'm afraid to ask for help. I hate not having things together. In early September I started to feel a great emotional strain...by December I wanted to curl up and die. In February I finally got so bad that I felt I needed medical help...I finally went to see a specialist.
The Therapist was not, in fact, very helpful. He did however rook me for twenty-five bucks a visit for about eight weeks. I only found out that I'm not the kind of person who gains anything from someone sitting there and listening to my life story. You know, such as it is. My stress comes naturally from what some would consider to be a stressful situation. I have two kids and a college student. I'm doing the best I can with what I have. I'm trying to eat well, exercise, and take care of my home. I'm trying to raise a seven year old and a five year old. I never feel like I can spend enough time with them lately. I'm trying to nurture my relationship with my husband. He can be a frustrating person sometimes. I'm not exactly perfect myself. I can't put myself in his shoes any more than he can put himself in mine. I know that in the end he'll be fine because although he can be an odd sort of guy, he's got heart, and drive, and he's a good person. I've never met anyone that can make me feel so many things at once. Frustration coupled with strange ironic goofy love mostly. In the end, if there was one thing that I could say was the sickness/health, honor/cherish, blah blah blah...he makes me laugh. I could be floating on a life raft over molten lava going straight to hell, and Eric could find a way to make me smile.
I want to say that this next two years won't be hard on me because I've decided to take the bull by the horns and not let things bother me. I want to say that I'm not going to let things break me. I want to say that I don't need free time to myself...but eventually these things will need to be addressed. Eventually I'm going to have to take a break, or things are going to royally suck.
The Therapist was not, in fact, very helpful. He did however rook me for twenty-five bucks a visit for about eight weeks. I only found out that I'm not the kind of person who gains anything from someone sitting there and listening to my life story. You know, such as it is. My stress comes naturally from what some would consider to be a stressful situation. I have two kids and a college student. I'm doing the best I can with what I have. I'm trying to eat well, exercise, and take care of my home. I'm trying to raise a seven year old and a five year old. I never feel like I can spend enough time with them lately. I'm trying to nurture my relationship with my husband. He can be a frustrating person sometimes. I'm not exactly perfect myself. I can't put myself in his shoes any more than he can put himself in mine. I know that in the end he'll be fine because although he can be an odd sort of guy, he's got heart, and drive, and he's a good person. I've never met anyone that can make me feel so many things at once. Frustration coupled with strange ironic goofy love mostly. In the end, if there was one thing that I could say was the sickness/health, honor/cherish, blah blah blah...he makes me laugh. I could be floating on a life raft over molten lava going straight to hell, and Eric could find a way to make me smile.
I want to say that this next two years won't be hard on me because I've decided to take the bull by the horns and not let things bother me. I want to say that I'm not going to let things break me. I want to say that I don't need free time to myself...but eventually these things will need to be addressed. Eventually I'm going to have to take a break, or things are going to royally suck.