Wishes for some good out of 2008
I was at work today when I called home, like I always do on my lunch. Zac sounded really down and I asked him what was wrong. He said that he got some bad news, immediately a lump forms in my throat and I brave the question, "What bad news?" This is when he informs me that another one of his friends has passed away this year. His friend Andrew went to bed last weekend and never woke up. -Insert breaking heart here- Poor Zac. It makes me just want to sit down and cry, a lot. Right now he's sleeping in the bedroom. He's really depressed and I can't do anything to make it better. This year has had its good moments but nothing compared to the bad.
Losing Matt was one of the hardest things to go through. So many people effected so many people acting like idiots. Not a lot of people understanding that we need one another to heal and some of us just split apart. Zac still goes through everyday missing his best friend. Everytime I look at that picture of Matt on our entertainment unit, which is all the time, my heart tweaks and I really really miss him and wish he were still here. It breaks my heart everytime I see Alexis knowing she won't have a Dad to walk her to school or take her to her first dance, to see her graduate and go to university. I know it'll break her heart when she gets married. I love that little girl. Its one of the hardest part of losing Matt-but we see him in her and that's a blessing.
The holidays are going to be quiet this year. It would've been our 4th Christmas together. It makes me so sad that I won't have him to make me laugh and see his reaction to Alexis' reaction on Christmas. Oh Matt, you left us way to early. Do I ever miss you.
Dancin. I know it was only a week ago but it kills me. I know it will get better with time and it was the right thing to do, but losing your childhood friend of 17 years is not easy. Losing that unconditional bastardly love. I know Dancin loved me and I know he appreciated and trusted me but he was still a bastard! My bastard. Please don't hate me Dancin, I hope to ride you again one day.
Stilhetto. You were so little and so young. You were beautiful and everything I was terrified of. You were so much like Jynx and I loved her to pieces. I stayed out at night when she was sick because I was scared of losing her and in the end I did. I was scared to get close to you because of what happened to her but I did it anyways and I ended up losing you too. I'm sorry that your life was so short. I hope you found your sister and that she's looking after you.
Andrew. You died so suddenly(last weekend) and without warning. We knew you need to find yourself and get control. You didn't beat death this time but now you can heal yourself. I didn't know you very well but Zac seemed to be fond of you. You made me laugh and seemed to have so many stories and adventures in your life. You were young and had so much more life to live. I'm so sorry that your life was cut short. I know that people will miss you and that Zac is very sad to lose you. May you Rest In Peace and find yourself.
I hope for something good to happen to take all of this heartache away.
RIP Matt
RIP Dancin
RIP Stilhetto
RIP Andrew