(no subject)
Ok, first off i'll apologize for the crappy job ive done keeping up with this, and for the crappy lyrics i keep putting up. But anyways, today is one of those day where i really just dont like myself. I really think that their is something wrong with me, because i can know something, but it doesnt seem to matter cause i wont listen. Its like my head is detached from the rest of my body and just screws stuff up. That or my head is attached and just stops working. I have recently discovered that I have feelings and emotions. Yea that sounds all well and good im sure, but i dont know how to keep these damn things in check. So really it seems like its either one extreme or the other. Either I wont feel crap (which actually i tend to prefer) or im like, all weird feelin. I also discoverd a very strange emotion, jealousy. That one is still a mystery to me, but ive made some progress. I've found that im a lonely person who needs other to feel better. So when their is no one else around and im kinda on my own, i start thinking to much (like now) and it leads to nothing good. ive been working on a way to reverse this or control it but so far no luck. In all honestly i really dont know the clinical definition but this feeelin i got now seems strangely similar to what i understand to be depression. Oh yeah, my job sucks, Im starting school back, and that sucks, my family wont stop bugging me about coming back home, and that sucks. I cant find a house so now im just trying to find somewhre to live. So far very few things are going the way i'd hoped and it pretty much sucks. Yeah listen just you know, there is a big deep hole in my room i just dug, yea im gonna be in it for a while.