Year After Year (2/2)
Thirteen
Teddy didn’t go home for Christmas, not because he was avoiding James, whom he had become much, much closer to in the last year, almost to the point of having the same level of friendship with the boy as he had before he’d started school, but because he truly was so bogged down by his NEWT-level homework that he didn’t dare leave the vicinity of the Hogwarts library for the holidays. When James;s obligatory letters came throughout the entire break with no mentions of love, kissing, marriage plans, or fluffy confectionary-named puppies, Teddy told himself that James was finally over his crush. He also told himself that he didn’t actually skim every one of James’s letters for any mentions of those forbidden topics before reading them.
Fourteen
Hogwarts was much quieter without Teddy around that year, so James threw himself into his studies and, more importantly, his pranks. When he went home for the holidays, he tried to enjoy spending time with Alby and Lily, since Teddy couldn’t visit too often, what with his Auror training taking up all his time. Everybody but James had been surprised when Teddy suddenly announced that he was accepted before even anybody but James he was applying, but really, James knew Teddy well enough that he’d known Teddy’d be an Auror before Teddy himself did. When the two of them were alone outside together on Christmas day, sitting on the swings just like old times, James had to bite his tongue to keep himself from saying anything he wasn’t allowed to.
Fifteen
When his not-quite-family had gotten a little too vocal in their worries about Teddy’s love life, or lack thereof, Teddy had finally given in and started courting Victoire Weasley. He told himself that it was because she was smart, and pretty, and funny, but in rare moments of complete honesty, he admitted to himself that she was vapid, and self-absorbed, and just as much of a snob as her mother, and that he only wanted anything to do with her because she had red hair, and a petite frame, and a certain effortless confidence. When he dumped her unceremoniously the day after James walked in on her forcing a too-soft, lipgloss-sticky kiss on him under the mistletoe, Teddy told himself that it was definitely not because of a very familiar pair of brown eyes looking at him with betrayal in their depths. When he caught himself thinking that her freckles were all wrong anyway, though, Teddy thought he might be doomed.
Sixteen
James had been most upset that Teddy was gone again that winter, but he understood. Auror training was taking up a lot of Teddy’s time, and so was fixing up Grimmauld Place, which James’s dad had given to him for no reason other than that he “would never be able to stand living there himself”, but he thought Teddy “might be able to at least make use of it until he’d saved enough money to get his own place”. James hoped that his dad didn’t expect his house back anytime in the near future, because he could tell from the tone of Teddy’s letters that he’d fallen in love with the old dump. After, of course, he’d finally figured out to deactivate the Permanent Sticking charms on Mrs. Black’s painting and the house elf heads. What James didn’t understand though, was why Teddy was acting both depressed and antsy all the time around him, those few times he managed to make it to Godric’s Hollow. He didn’t understand why his mum and dad kept giving Teddy understanding, knowing looks, either, and he was really getting quite sick of it all, because he was so used to understanding everything about Teddy.
Seventeen
James was convinced that Christmas Eve dinner at the Burrow was hell on earth, and half-wished that he’d stayed behind at Hogwarts to study for his NEWTs instead, but he’d been hoping that that winter would turn out to be an important one. So far though, it had been incredibly boring, and now they were halfway into the first course, and Gran had started in on his love life.
“Really dear,” she said in a wheedling tone, “Even our Teddy has dated before.” At this, even all the way down the table, he could hear Victoire’s huff. James knew full well that she was just being dramatic, though, because it had been two years since the breakup, and anyway, Teddy had told him in one of his letters that she was involved with some famous Quidditch player. Or perhaps it was a journalist. She’d been working her way so rapidly through Witch Weekly’s Most Eligible Bachelors list that James really couldn’t remember who she was with from week to week. Besides, there were much more important things contained in Teddy’s letters than news from back home, such as news about Teddy himself, who was more than a little stressed by his Auror examinations, which were spaced throughout three months, and would finish just after New Year’s.
“If you’d let me just give your hair a trim, I’m sure you’d have the girls flocking to you dear. How about letting me cut it after dinner?” Gran Molly continued.
Teddy made a faint noise across the table; James didn’t know whether it was meant to be a disagreement or to second his gran’s opinion, but Gran Molly apparently took it to mean “Me too, me too!”
“And you too, dear! I don’t know why on earth you young people insist on having such long hair, but look at the two of you! Shaggy as apes, the both of you! And I’m sure if you’d just let me cut some of that hair off, you’d have the girls hanging all over the both of you.”
James half-consciously brought his hand up to run through his hair, as if that would shield it from his gran’s wrath.
“Really, Gran, I’m perfectly happy without girls crawling all over me.”
“Boys then, dear. Either way, you really must do something about that love life of yours!”
Mortified beyond belief as half the table turned to look at him, he wondered if there was enough cream of celery left in his bowl to drown himself in.
“But Gran, he has flocks of girls after him!” Lily, who at twelve was already showing signs of prettiness and confidence that would guarantee she never had a lack of attention from suitors when the time came, piped up. “He was kissing Cassie Higgs a couple weeks ago!”
James was momentarily distracted by Teddy’s hair suddenly turning a vivid shade of shamrock green that he’d never seen before, though the man hurriedly changed it back to its robin’s egg blue, the color he’d stuck with for most of the past four years. He heard a stifled snicker from what sounded like his mother, and glanced at her too-angelic face before looking back at Teddy, who seemed to be trying to set his soup alight by the force of his stare alone. Very strange, indeed.
A poke from Lily brought James back to reality, and he realized his gran was waiting on tenterhooks for confirmation that, wonder of wonders, James might have found a nice breeder to birth his own half-dozen squalling redheads.
“Honestly, Lil,” He said irritably, “You know she cast a Leg Locker on me and shoved me under the mistletoe. I just can’t believe I fell for that a plan a firstie could have avoided. She and her little girlfriends had been plotting for weeks how they could get kisses from me. I bet she went back to her dorm and snogged each of them in turn, just so they could all get a taste.”
Everybody in hearing range laughed, and James saw Teddy choke into his soup.
“So there’s nobody special, dear? Nobody you’re seeing?” Gran Molly asked plaintively, looking most disappointed.
“No, Gran.” James replied with a long-suffering sigh.
“Well then, you just need to get out there and try and find somebody!” She said brightly.
“Really Gran, I’m happy with things the way they are.” James lied.
“But James,” said Albus, who had been listening in, “There are all those girls dying to go on a date with you, why not indulge them?”
“Because I don’t want-“
“Well then, there are boys, too!” Said Lily, most unhelpfully. “Aaron Crowley, and Jason Woolfeather, and Araxas Witherby!” James saw another flash of green, but when he looked at Teddy, his hair was pristinely blue, and so he thought it might just have been the beginnings of a nonverbal, wandless Avada Kedavra forming in his mind.
“I said, I don’t want to-“
Teddy seemed to decide he needed to pitch in as well. “Really, Jamie, it’s just not healthy to hide yourself away like this. You should at least try and find someone to-“
“Like you’re one to talk.” James snarled viciously. “Would you all just bloody well lay off?! I said I don’t want to date, and I wish you’d just leave my fecking love life, or lack thereof, alone! It’s none of your business, any of you, and I wish you’d just accept that even if I don’t ever want to date, then I just don’t. Want. TO. DATE!!!” As James’s voice grew louder and louder, more family members fell silent, until his last shouted word rang out into utter silence. James could feel his cheeks flaming.
“But why, James?” Asked Teddy quietly, a wholly unfamiliar look on his face.
James felt the blood drain from his red face in mere seconds, and all his irritation, and embarrassment, and frustration boiled into a sinking, swelling feeling in his chest.
“Because, you utterly oblivious idiot, you still owe me a bloody kiss.” James felt hot, embarrassing tears welling up in his eyes, and he shot up from the table, sparing a quick glance for Teddy’s shocked face and yellow, yellow hair, before spinning on his heel and Apparating home with a sharp pop.
He raced into the house and ran for the stairs up to his room, wanting nothing more than to curl up in his bed and let the tears already streaming down his face run their course. At the foot of the stairs, however, he had a quick thought, and made a trip to the kitchen first. Sniffling, he snagged the gigantic bowl of chocolate pudding off of the counter, shivering as the Chilling Charm came in contact with his skin, and took it and a spoon with him upstairs. He needed some bloody chocolate, and Teddy didn’t want him, so who gave a damn if he went and gained a stone or three off his mum’s pudding? And his mum could bloody well make another one- she’d been laughing back at the Burrow. Still crying, James settled himself onto his bed, and told himself that he didn’t care a whit if he was acting like a total bloody girl- when eleven years of pining had whittled down to naught, he deserved a good cry.
---------------------------------
When Teddy knocked on James’s bedroom door ten minutes later, he patently ignored James’s choked “Go away.”, and opened the door anyway. The sight that met his eyes was nothing like what he’d expected. When he’d Apparated to Godric’s Hollow, Teddy had thought that James would be spitting mad, possibly breaking and hexing everything in sight. But Teddy couldn’t have been more wrong.
He didn’t think he’d ever seen a more pathetic and heart-wrenching sight than James Potter on his bed, shoulder-length locks a tousled mess, curled around a huge bowl of pudding, spoon in hand, looking up at Teddy with red-rimmed eyes and tear tracks on his cheeks.
“You caused quite a stir back at the Burrow, you know. Your mum and dad had to keep your gran from throttling me, and they said they’d stay behind and try to explain things to everybody and give us time to work things out.”
“Please, Teddy,” the redhead said in a tone of voice Teddy could only describe as broken, “Just go away.”
“Not happening, Jamie.” Teddy said softly, stepping fully into the room and shutting the door behind him. He walked over to the bed and removed the pudding and spoon from James, who clutched rather desperately at them, and set both on the bedside table. He grabbed hold of James’s hands, gave them a cursory once-over, and then proceeded to remove the teen’s shoes and socks. At James’s questioning noise, which was followed almost immediately by a sniffle, Teddy said “Checking to make sure you didn’t splinch yourself. You just got your license, and upset as you are, I wouldn’t be surprised if you had gone and left something behind, but I doubt you’d admit it right now.” James made another soft noise as Teddy ran his hands down his body in a way that was nearly impossible to make impersonal.
Satisfied that James had all his pieces still attached, Teddy crawled over him onto the bed, settling himself so that he was half-sitting, half-lying amongst the messy pillows as he tugged James until the young man was halfway into his lap, face pressed into his chest. Teddy wrapped his arms around shaking shoulders, thinking his lucky stars that James wasn’t in a mood to put up a fight. He dropped his head until his forehead rested against a crown of fiery locks.
“It’s come to my attention that I’m a bit of an idiot.” Teddy winced a little as James snorted, hoping that he hadn’t just blown bogeys all over his shirt, before he realized with surprise that he really didn’t care if he had. “Okay,” he amended, “I’m a huge idiot. A huge, oblivious idiot who’s been in total denial sine Merlin knows when, and who’s done nothing but screw up nonstop.”
James started to shake his head, but Teddy hurried to finish verbally beating himself up before James had a chance to- hopefully, anyway- forgive him. “I’ve turned you down over and over again, and it took me nine years to realize that I was being utterly blind.”
“Eleven years.” James said, followed by a little hiccupping sob, his face still buried in Teddy’s latest Weasley sweater.
“No, Jamie, nine. I’ve been a jackass for eleven years.” Teddy corrected gently.
“I don’t understand.” said James, finally lifting his head. Teddy couldn’t resist the urge to wipe away a few tears with his thumb, and he watched, utterly fascinated, as James’s eyelids fluttered shut, long, wetly-clumped eyelashes dark against his cheekbones.
“Don’t you?” Teddy asked. “I guess I should explain? You see, I credit the opening of my eyes entirely to Victoire.” He chuckled as James made a displeased sound not unlike a growl low in his throat. “I realized two Christmases ago that I was only dating her because she made me think of you.”
James’s eyes shot open, and he opened his mouth, a look of indignation on his face. Teddy pressed a finger over James’s lips, and the young man closed his mouth again, still looking irked. After a brief moment, he cocked his head to the side, signaling Teddy to continue. “Physically, Jamie. Beautiful, short, with red hair and freckles? Ringing any bells?”
James’s cheeks turned pink with embarrassment as he looked at Teddy. Then, a look of stunned disbelief flashed across his face as he appeared to finally comprehend just what Teddy was saying.
“You- you mean you-? Me?” He choked out, eyes wide, with something that looked quite a bit like hope shining in them.
“Yes, Jamie, you. A little slow on the uptake tonight, are we?” Teddy drawled amusedly. “I get you in bed, in my arms, and I confess my feelings for you, and you still didn’t get it? I should have known it would take flattery to make you understand, you great walking ego.”
“Hey!” James protested, a bit of cheerfulness beginning to return his face to its normal brightness. “Maybe if you’d just give it to me straight, I’d grasp what you’re trying to say a little bit easier.”
Teddy grinned. “I hate to say it James, but I don’t think it’s possible for me to give anything to you strai- Ow! What was that for?”
“Don’t start the gay jokes just yet, you prat.” James said with a mock glare that faded into an utterly solemn look. Teddy couldn’t help wondering at how seamlessly the two of them switched from serious to joking and back to serious with each other, without ever having hurt feelings or ruffled feathers.
“Alright,” Teddy said seriously, “The simple version, Jamie? I love you.”
Teddy was horrified to see tears once again fill James’s eyes, until he received a brilliant smile to go with them. “I’ve been waiting eleven bloody years to hear you say that, you know.”
“Yes, yes I do.” Teddy said, leaning down to rest his forehead against James’s.
“One question?” Murmured James. At Teddy’s soft noise of acceptance, he continued, “If you realized how you felt about me two Christmases ago, why’d you wait until now to say anything?”
“Well, two years ago, I realized that I was attracted to you. Honestly, I was horrified-“ James gave a disgruntled squawk, but quieted when Teddy ran a hand down his spine, stopping just at the small of his back and massaging softly.
“As I was saying, I was horrified, because I felt like some sort of dirty pedophile. I mean, I was nineteen and you were only fifteen. And while now that you’re seventeen it’s still a fairly big difference, at least you’re not jailbait anymore. And I realized while I was trying to get over the fact that I was only nineteen and already feeling like a lecherous old man, I realized I wasn’t just physically attracted to you- that it ran much deeper than that- and that it wasn’t exactly something new. Maybe I’ve always loved you, and was just too thick to realize it, I don’t know. But I didn’t manage to figure out that much until the end of last winter.”
“So that’s why you were depressed at the start of hols and back to normal by the end!” James exclaimed. At Teddy’s nonplussed look, he said “Well, your hair was brown. It’s only ever brown when you’re miserable.”
Teddy’s hair changed suddenly from its worried teal to a slightly embarrassed pink. “Damnit, I don’t know why I’ve never been able to control my Metamorphing around you. And it’s only ever my bloody hair.”
“Well, that’s because your hair is the only part of you that really broadcasts your emotions. Maybe I make you less in control of those?” James pondered, looking at Teddy’s hair thoughtfully.
Teddy laughed suddenly. “Of course you’d manage to answer a question I’ve had for years in just a few seconds. Typical. Anyhow, as I was saying, I didn’t figure out how I felt until the very end of your winter hols, thick idiot that I was, and that was after your parents had a nice little chat with me about it-“
“They what?!” James exclaimed. Teddy blushed a little.
“Well, they saw that I was miserable, and they knew before I did that I was mad about you. And when I started getting nervous around you, they finally took me aside and told me to get over myself and admit how I felt. They were actually quite supportive, and I’d been so scared that they’d drive a stake through my heart for lusting after their little baby boy.” James snickered a little. “Well, by the time I realized it wasn’t something that would be going away, you were about to go back to Hogwarts. And by summer, you were seventeen, but you weren’t making any sort of move, so I thought that you might’ve finally gotten over me, so I didn’t want to make an arse of myself by saying anything. So I figured I’d wait until Christmastime, and see if maybe you’d just been waiting to cash in on that promise of ours.”
“I was.” He squeezed his arms tight around Teddy and whispered into his ear, “I do still love you.” James pulled back and smirked a little. “And now, I do believe you owe me something, Teddy.”
Teddy matched the smirk with one of his own. “Why yes, Jamie, I believe I do.”
Teddy reached up and cupped James’s jaw with one hand, tilting his head downwards, and James leaned up to meet him halfway. At long last, they kissed. Teddy brushed his lips gently against James’s, a feeling of wonderment filling him as he felt chapped skin press to his own softer lips. After a brief moment, Teddy pressed more firmly against James’s mouth, and he could feel James’s breath catch in his throat. The smaller young man’s lips parted to let out a soft “Oh.”, and Teddy took the opportunity to flick his tongue along James’s bottom lip before slipping it into the opening. James opened his mouth a bit further, granting Teddy complete access.
Their tongues intertwined slickly, and Teddy shifted the hand that had still been resting on the small of James’s back down a scant few centimeters, waiting to see if James turned skittish on him before sliding it down further to cup James’s firm bum, squeezing gently. James unwrapped his arms from around Teddy’s chest, bringing his hands around front to run down Teddy’s chest. When they reached the hem of his jumper, nimble fingers danced their way under the cloth to explore the soft skin underneath. Teddy let out a soft noise of pleasure, and felt James smile into their kiss. Teddy could feel his self control slipping, and pulled back from the kiss to take a much needed breath.
“Wow,” murmured James, “I hate to sound like a girl, but what are you feeling right now?”
“Aroused, and it’s all your fault.” said Teddy bluntly, pressing a series of open-mouthed kisses along James’s jaw as he dragged his other hand down James’s back to join the first in massaging his arse.
“Other than that, lover boy.” James said with a grin that turned to an expression of pure pleasure when Teddy sank his teeth carefully into the muscle of James’s clothed right shoulder.
“Why do you ask?”
“Look- oh- look at your hair.” James said, leaning back a bit until his mouth- and jaw and neck and shoulders- were out of Teddy’s reach.
Grumbling, Teddy took a hand off of James momentarily to lift a lock of his own hair for inspection. It was a shade he had never seen before, a dark indigo that, depending on how the light hit it, shifted between blue and violet. “Oh,” he said surprisedly, “So that’s bliss.”
“Really?” asked James, a look of wonderment on his face. Sitting up a little more, so that James was sitting on his lap, Teddy nodded before pressing a chaste kiss against his forehead.
“Really.”
James wrapped his arms tightly around Teddy, snuggling as close as he could. “So,” he said, “We’ve gotten over our mutual idiocy, we’ve declared our love for each other, and we’ve snogged. Now what?”
“Well,” Teddy began, shrugging, “There’s half a bowl of pudding we could finish of together.”
“That," said James, a worrying glint in his eye, “Is a great idea.
…
“James, I was referring to eating it.”
“Oh, I fully intend on eating it, Teddy.”
“Oh my- Well. Carry on, then.”
…
“James, are you in here? Have you seen my pud- Oh dear. It’s about bloody time. Well, at least it went to a good cause. Harry, I found the pudding!”
Eighteen
It was Christmas once again at the Potter abode, and James seemed to be missing his boyfriend. Most of the family was gathered in the sitting room, but Teddy had up and disappeared. James knew he was around somewhere, since they’d arrived from Grimmauld Place jointly, where they had been staying together since he’d graduated, a few hours earlier. And Teddy’d opened James’s present to him, a scrapbook containing dozens of photos of the two of them throughout the years, along with some of the drawings from James’s childhood, the ones with him and Teddy holding hands in front of a house with a picket fence.
Teddy had seemed most embarrassed to find himself near tears when he flipped through the book, so James had been kind enough to snog him breathless, disregarding Alby’s retching sounds, until the big bad Auror had regained his composure. But that was a good ten minutes ago, before James had gotten caught up in a conversation about Quidditch with Lily, and Teddy had somehow managed to unwrap himself from his position sprawled around James on the sofa, set the scrapbook on the table, and leave the room. James frowned as he looked around the room again, hoping that Teddy wasn’t in the kitchen sniffling over a few old crayon scribbles.
At that moment, the front door opened, and James turned his head to see who it was, since anybody who wasn’t already there was supposed to be meeting them all at the Burrow. But all he could see was a tiny ball of tan flying across the carpet towards him. James almost drew his wand, but the object reached him before it could, screeching to a halt at his feet. Big, doleful eyes peeked up at him, and his jaw dropped open. Hardly even thinking, he lifted the animal into his lap, barely having time to notice a big red ribbon around its neck before he found his face being wildly licked by a tiny little tongue.
James laughed and looked back at the front door and saw Teddy leaning against it, looking a little windswept, and quite pleased with himself. The slender man pushed himself off the wooden surface and walked up to James, giving him that special, focused look that for many months had been reserved only for him. When Teddy reached James, he gingerly sat down on the sofa before speaking in a soft voice that, while not attempting to keep their conversation from the rest of the openly eavesdropping family, made it quite clear that he was only speaking to James.
“Her name’s Cookie.” said Teddy, and James’s eyes went wide and round as he looked down at the wriggling puppy and back up again at Teddy. Teddy started to look a little nervous, his cheeks and the tips of his hair going pink. “I-ah- I know we’ve only been together a year, so this is all still kind of new for any kind of big leaps, but I thought that since we have the house, maybe- maybe we could start with the cocker spaniel and see how things go as to the rest of it?”
James was utterly floored. “Teddy-“ he began, and then paused, searching desperately for the right words.
“I understand if- if you don’t want that, of course,” said Teddy a little glumly, “It is a huge step and everything, and-“ James shut him up with a very heated kiss. Or what would have been a heated kiss, had Cookie not chosen to leap up and try to get her tongue into the mix, as well. The two men broke apart breathlessly. Teddy gave James a hopeful look. “So does this mean that you’re okay with it? Seeing how things go, and maybe-“
James gave him a quick peck on the lips before replying, “Of course I am, Teddy. Honestly, what did you expect me to say? ‘Oh no, take away the dog, I can’t bear to have my life’s dreams handed to me on a silver platter!’” Teddy gave a sheepish laugh, running his hand through his hair. James realized with a start that it was a gesture that Teddy at some point had picked up from him, and he felt a glow of affection burst to life in his chest.
“I, um, I bought promise rings, too.” said Teddy a little nervously, “I didn’t know if you’d want to wear them, since it’s not an actual engagement or anything, but I thought you should know that I have them.”
Teddy’s nervousness caused that glow of affection to pulse a bit, and he smiled reassuringly. “Yes, I want to wear them, Teddy. Like I’d pass up a chance to make sure all those bints at the Ministry know you’re mine?” Teddy grinned and reached into his pocket, pulling out a ring box. He opened it, revealing a pair of simple platinum bands.
As Teddy pulled it out of the box, he asked “Am I supposed to make some sort of speech now?“
James laughed and shook his head. “No need, Teddy.” As Teddy slid the ring onto his finger, he felt as though his heart would burst. He stared at it in a sort of stunned disbelief as Cookie wriggled her way out of his lap and down to the floor, trundling the short distance to the hearth before plopping gracelessly to the floor and falling asleep. James forced his gaze from the ring so that he could lift it’s pair out of the box, which Teddy snapped shut and set aside, and slip it onto Teddy’s ring finger.
Looking into Teddy’s eyes, he said “I love you, you know that?”
“Of course I do. I love you, too.” As their lips met for yet another intense kiss, this one uninterrupted, and a chorus of cheesy 'Aww's along with renewed retching from his ever-loving little brother broke out all around them, filling him with shock that everybody had stayed quiet for so long, James thought that he’d never been happier.
---------------------------------
“Teddy? Teddy, stop.”
The creaking of bedsprings halted.
“What’s wrong, Jamie?”
“It’s creepy!”
“What is?”
“Her, that’s what!”
“Oh, just ignore it.”
“But she’s so innocent, she shouldn’t be witnessing this!”
“James, ignore it.”
Sheets rustled, and a sharp gasp rang out.
“What- what was I saying?”
“How much you adore me, Jamie.”
“Oh, that’s right.”
The squeaking of bedsprings resumed and, across the room, a pair of doleful eyes kept right on watching.
Teddy didn’t go home for Christmas, not because he was avoiding James, whom he had become much, much closer to in the last year, almost to the point of having the same level of friendship with the boy as he had before he’d started school, but because he truly was so bogged down by his NEWT-level homework that he didn’t dare leave the vicinity of the Hogwarts library for the holidays. When James;s obligatory letters came throughout the entire break with no mentions of love, kissing, marriage plans, or fluffy confectionary-named puppies, Teddy told himself that James was finally over his crush. He also told himself that he didn’t actually skim every one of James’s letters for any mentions of those forbidden topics before reading them.
Fourteen
Hogwarts was much quieter without Teddy around that year, so James threw himself into his studies and, more importantly, his pranks. When he went home for the holidays, he tried to enjoy spending time with Alby and Lily, since Teddy couldn’t visit too often, what with his Auror training taking up all his time. Everybody but James had been surprised when Teddy suddenly announced that he was accepted before even anybody but James he was applying, but really, James knew Teddy well enough that he’d known Teddy’d be an Auror before Teddy himself did. When the two of them were alone outside together on Christmas day, sitting on the swings just like old times, James had to bite his tongue to keep himself from saying anything he wasn’t allowed to.
Fifteen
When his not-quite-family had gotten a little too vocal in their worries about Teddy’s love life, or lack thereof, Teddy had finally given in and started courting Victoire Weasley. He told himself that it was because she was smart, and pretty, and funny, but in rare moments of complete honesty, he admitted to himself that she was vapid, and self-absorbed, and just as much of a snob as her mother, and that he only wanted anything to do with her because she had red hair, and a petite frame, and a certain effortless confidence. When he dumped her unceremoniously the day after James walked in on her forcing a too-soft, lipgloss-sticky kiss on him under the mistletoe, Teddy told himself that it was definitely not because of a very familiar pair of brown eyes looking at him with betrayal in their depths. When he caught himself thinking that her freckles were all wrong anyway, though, Teddy thought he might be doomed.
Sixteen
James had been most upset that Teddy was gone again that winter, but he understood. Auror training was taking up a lot of Teddy’s time, and so was fixing up Grimmauld Place, which James’s dad had given to him for no reason other than that he “would never be able to stand living there himself”, but he thought Teddy “might be able to at least make use of it until he’d saved enough money to get his own place”. James hoped that his dad didn’t expect his house back anytime in the near future, because he could tell from the tone of Teddy’s letters that he’d fallen in love with the old dump. After, of course, he’d finally figured out to deactivate the Permanent Sticking charms on Mrs. Black’s painting and the house elf heads. What James didn’t understand though, was why Teddy was acting both depressed and antsy all the time around him, those few times he managed to make it to Godric’s Hollow. He didn’t understand why his mum and dad kept giving Teddy understanding, knowing looks, either, and he was really getting quite sick of it all, because he was so used to understanding everything about Teddy.
Seventeen
James was convinced that Christmas Eve dinner at the Burrow was hell on earth, and half-wished that he’d stayed behind at Hogwarts to study for his NEWTs instead, but he’d been hoping that that winter would turn out to be an important one. So far though, it had been incredibly boring, and now they were halfway into the first course, and Gran had started in on his love life.
“Really dear,” she said in a wheedling tone, “Even our Teddy has dated before.” At this, even all the way down the table, he could hear Victoire’s huff. James knew full well that she was just being dramatic, though, because it had been two years since the breakup, and anyway, Teddy had told him in one of his letters that she was involved with some famous Quidditch player. Or perhaps it was a journalist. She’d been working her way so rapidly through Witch Weekly’s Most Eligible Bachelors list that James really couldn’t remember who she was with from week to week. Besides, there were much more important things contained in Teddy’s letters than news from back home, such as news about Teddy himself, who was more than a little stressed by his Auror examinations, which were spaced throughout three months, and would finish just after New Year’s.
“If you’d let me just give your hair a trim, I’m sure you’d have the girls flocking to you dear. How about letting me cut it after dinner?” Gran Molly continued.
Teddy made a faint noise across the table; James didn’t know whether it was meant to be a disagreement or to second his gran’s opinion, but Gran Molly apparently took it to mean “Me too, me too!”
“And you too, dear! I don’t know why on earth you young people insist on having such long hair, but look at the two of you! Shaggy as apes, the both of you! And I’m sure if you’d just let me cut some of that hair off, you’d have the girls hanging all over the both of you.”
James half-consciously brought his hand up to run through his hair, as if that would shield it from his gran’s wrath.
“Really, Gran, I’m perfectly happy without girls crawling all over me.”
“Boys then, dear. Either way, you really must do something about that love life of yours!”
Mortified beyond belief as half the table turned to look at him, he wondered if there was enough cream of celery left in his bowl to drown himself in.
“But Gran, he has flocks of girls after him!” Lily, who at twelve was already showing signs of prettiness and confidence that would guarantee she never had a lack of attention from suitors when the time came, piped up. “He was kissing Cassie Higgs a couple weeks ago!”
James was momentarily distracted by Teddy’s hair suddenly turning a vivid shade of shamrock green that he’d never seen before, though the man hurriedly changed it back to its robin’s egg blue, the color he’d stuck with for most of the past four years. He heard a stifled snicker from what sounded like his mother, and glanced at her too-angelic face before looking back at Teddy, who seemed to be trying to set his soup alight by the force of his stare alone. Very strange, indeed.
A poke from Lily brought James back to reality, and he realized his gran was waiting on tenterhooks for confirmation that, wonder of wonders, James might have found a nice breeder to birth his own half-dozen squalling redheads.
“Honestly, Lil,” He said irritably, “You know she cast a Leg Locker on me and shoved me under the mistletoe. I just can’t believe I fell for that a plan a firstie could have avoided. She and her little girlfriends had been plotting for weeks how they could get kisses from me. I bet she went back to her dorm and snogged each of them in turn, just so they could all get a taste.”
Everybody in hearing range laughed, and James saw Teddy choke into his soup.
“So there’s nobody special, dear? Nobody you’re seeing?” Gran Molly asked plaintively, looking most disappointed.
“No, Gran.” James replied with a long-suffering sigh.
“Well then, you just need to get out there and try and find somebody!” She said brightly.
“Really Gran, I’m happy with things the way they are.” James lied.
“But James,” said Albus, who had been listening in, “There are all those girls dying to go on a date with you, why not indulge them?”
“Because I don’t want-“
“Well then, there are boys, too!” Said Lily, most unhelpfully. “Aaron Crowley, and Jason Woolfeather, and Araxas Witherby!” James saw another flash of green, but when he looked at Teddy, his hair was pristinely blue, and so he thought it might just have been the beginnings of a nonverbal, wandless Avada Kedavra forming in his mind.
“I said, I don’t want to-“
Teddy seemed to decide he needed to pitch in as well. “Really, Jamie, it’s just not healthy to hide yourself away like this. You should at least try and find someone to-“
“Like you’re one to talk.” James snarled viciously. “Would you all just bloody well lay off?! I said I don’t want to date, and I wish you’d just leave my fecking love life, or lack thereof, alone! It’s none of your business, any of you, and I wish you’d just accept that even if I don’t ever want to date, then I just don’t. Want. TO. DATE!!!” As James’s voice grew louder and louder, more family members fell silent, until his last shouted word rang out into utter silence. James could feel his cheeks flaming.
“But why, James?” Asked Teddy quietly, a wholly unfamiliar look on his face.
James felt the blood drain from his red face in mere seconds, and all his irritation, and embarrassment, and frustration boiled into a sinking, swelling feeling in his chest.
“Because, you utterly oblivious idiot, you still owe me a bloody kiss.” James felt hot, embarrassing tears welling up in his eyes, and he shot up from the table, sparing a quick glance for Teddy’s shocked face and yellow, yellow hair, before spinning on his heel and Apparating home with a sharp pop.
He raced into the house and ran for the stairs up to his room, wanting nothing more than to curl up in his bed and let the tears already streaming down his face run their course. At the foot of the stairs, however, he had a quick thought, and made a trip to the kitchen first. Sniffling, he snagged the gigantic bowl of chocolate pudding off of the counter, shivering as the Chilling Charm came in contact with his skin, and took it and a spoon with him upstairs. He needed some bloody chocolate, and Teddy didn’t want him, so who gave a damn if he went and gained a stone or three off his mum’s pudding? And his mum could bloody well make another one- she’d been laughing back at the Burrow. Still crying, James settled himself onto his bed, and told himself that he didn’t care a whit if he was acting like a total bloody girl- when eleven years of pining had whittled down to naught, he deserved a good cry.
---------------------------------
When Teddy knocked on James’s bedroom door ten minutes later, he patently ignored James’s choked “Go away.”, and opened the door anyway. The sight that met his eyes was nothing like what he’d expected. When he’d Apparated to Godric’s Hollow, Teddy had thought that James would be spitting mad, possibly breaking and hexing everything in sight. But Teddy couldn’t have been more wrong.
He didn’t think he’d ever seen a more pathetic and heart-wrenching sight than James Potter on his bed, shoulder-length locks a tousled mess, curled around a huge bowl of pudding, spoon in hand, looking up at Teddy with red-rimmed eyes and tear tracks on his cheeks.
“You caused quite a stir back at the Burrow, you know. Your mum and dad had to keep your gran from throttling me, and they said they’d stay behind and try to explain things to everybody and give us time to work things out.”
“Please, Teddy,” the redhead said in a tone of voice Teddy could only describe as broken, “Just go away.”
“Not happening, Jamie.” Teddy said softly, stepping fully into the room and shutting the door behind him. He walked over to the bed and removed the pudding and spoon from James, who clutched rather desperately at them, and set both on the bedside table. He grabbed hold of James’s hands, gave them a cursory once-over, and then proceeded to remove the teen’s shoes and socks. At James’s questioning noise, which was followed almost immediately by a sniffle, Teddy said “Checking to make sure you didn’t splinch yourself. You just got your license, and upset as you are, I wouldn’t be surprised if you had gone and left something behind, but I doubt you’d admit it right now.” James made another soft noise as Teddy ran his hands down his body in a way that was nearly impossible to make impersonal.
Satisfied that James had all his pieces still attached, Teddy crawled over him onto the bed, settling himself so that he was half-sitting, half-lying amongst the messy pillows as he tugged James until the young man was halfway into his lap, face pressed into his chest. Teddy wrapped his arms around shaking shoulders, thinking his lucky stars that James wasn’t in a mood to put up a fight. He dropped his head until his forehead rested against a crown of fiery locks.
“It’s come to my attention that I’m a bit of an idiot.” Teddy winced a little as James snorted, hoping that he hadn’t just blown bogeys all over his shirt, before he realized with surprise that he really didn’t care if he had. “Okay,” he amended, “I’m a huge idiot. A huge, oblivious idiot who’s been in total denial sine Merlin knows when, and who’s done nothing but screw up nonstop.”
James started to shake his head, but Teddy hurried to finish verbally beating himself up before James had a chance to- hopefully, anyway- forgive him. “I’ve turned you down over and over again, and it took me nine years to realize that I was being utterly blind.”
“Eleven years.” James said, followed by a little hiccupping sob, his face still buried in Teddy’s latest Weasley sweater.
“No, Jamie, nine. I’ve been a jackass for eleven years.” Teddy corrected gently.
“I don’t understand.” said James, finally lifting his head. Teddy couldn’t resist the urge to wipe away a few tears with his thumb, and he watched, utterly fascinated, as James’s eyelids fluttered shut, long, wetly-clumped eyelashes dark against his cheekbones.
“Don’t you?” Teddy asked. “I guess I should explain? You see, I credit the opening of my eyes entirely to Victoire.” He chuckled as James made a displeased sound not unlike a growl low in his throat. “I realized two Christmases ago that I was only dating her because she made me think of you.”
James’s eyes shot open, and he opened his mouth, a look of indignation on his face. Teddy pressed a finger over James’s lips, and the young man closed his mouth again, still looking irked. After a brief moment, he cocked his head to the side, signaling Teddy to continue. “Physically, Jamie. Beautiful, short, with red hair and freckles? Ringing any bells?”
James’s cheeks turned pink with embarrassment as he looked at Teddy. Then, a look of stunned disbelief flashed across his face as he appeared to finally comprehend just what Teddy was saying.
“You- you mean you-? Me?” He choked out, eyes wide, with something that looked quite a bit like hope shining in them.
“Yes, Jamie, you. A little slow on the uptake tonight, are we?” Teddy drawled amusedly. “I get you in bed, in my arms, and I confess my feelings for you, and you still didn’t get it? I should have known it would take flattery to make you understand, you great walking ego.”
“Hey!” James protested, a bit of cheerfulness beginning to return his face to its normal brightness. “Maybe if you’d just give it to me straight, I’d grasp what you’re trying to say a little bit easier.”
Teddy grinned. “I hate to say it James, but I don’t think it’s possible for me to give anything to you strai- Ow! What was that for?”
“Don’t start the gay jokes just yet, you prat.” James said with a mock glare that faded into an utterly solemn look. Teddy couldn’t help wondering at how seamlessly the two of them switched from serious to joking and back to serious with each other, without ever having hurt feelings or ruffled feathers.
“Alright,” Teddy said seriously, “The simple version, Jamie? I love you.”
Teddy was horrified to see tears once again fill James’s eyes, until he received a brilliant smile to go with them. “I’ve been waiting eleven bloody years to hear you say that, you know.”
“Yes, yes I do.” Teddy said, leaning down to rest his forehead against James’s.
“One question?” Murmured James. At Teddy’s soft noise of acceptance, he continued, “If you realized how you felt about me two Christmases ago, why’d you wait until now to say anything?”
“Well, two years ago, I realized that I was attracted to you. Honestly, I was horrified-“ James gave a disgruntled squawk, but quieted when Teddy ran a hand down his spine, stopping just at the small of his back and massaging softly.
“As I was saying, I was horrified, because I felt like some sort of dirty pedophile. I mean, I was nineteen and you were only fifteen. And while now that you’re seventeen it’s still a fairly big difference, at least you’re not jailbait anymore. And I realized while I was trying to get over the fact that I was only nineteen and already feeling like a lecherous old man, I realized I wasn’t just physically attracted to you- that it ran much deeper than that- and that it wasn’t exactly something new. Maybe I’ve always loved you, and was just too thick to realize it, I don’t know. But I didn’t manage to figure out that much until the end of last winter.”
“So that’s why you were depressed at the start of hols and back to normal by the end!” James exclaimed. At Teddy’s nonplussed look, he said “Well, your hair was brown. It’s only ever brown when you’re miserable.”
Teddy’s hair changed suddenly from its worried teal to a slightly embarrassed pink. “Damnit, I don’t know why I’ve never been able to control my Metamorphing around you. And it’s only ever my bloody hair.”
“Well, that’s because your hair is the only part of you that really broadcasts your emotions. Maybe I make you less in control of those?” James pondered, looking at Teddy’s hair thoughtfully.
Teddy laughed suddenly. “Of course you’d manage to answer a question I’ve had for years in just a few seconds. Typical. Anyhow, as I was saying, I didn’t figure out how I felt until the very end of your winter hols, thick idiot that I was, and that was after your parents had a nice little chat with me about it-“
“They what?!” James exclaimed. Teddy blushed a little.
“Well, they saw that I was miserable, and they knew before I did that I was mad about you. And when I started getting nervous around you, they finally took me aside and told me to get over myself and admit how I felt. They were actually quite supportive, and I’d been so scared that they’d drive a stake through my heart for lusting after their little baby boy.” James snickered a little. “Well, by the time I realized it wasn’t something that would be going away, you were about to go back to Hogwarts. And by summer, you were seventeen, but you weren’t making any sort of move, so I thought that you might’ve finally gotten over me, so I didn’t want to make an arse of myself by saying anything. So I figured I’d wait until Christmastime, and see if maybe you’d just been waiting to cash in on that promise of ours.”
“I was.” He squeezed his arms tight around Teddy and whispered into his ear, “I do still love you.” James pulled back and smirked a little. “And now, I do believe you owe me something, Teddy.”
Teddy matched the smirk with one of his own. “Why yes, Jamie, I believe I do.”
Teddy reached up and cupped James’s jaw with one hand, tilting his head downwards, and James leaned up to meet him halfway. At long last, they kissed. Teddy brushed his lips gently against James’s, a feeling of wonderment filling him as he felt chapped skin press to his own softer lips. After a brief moment, Teddy pressed more firmly against James’s mouth, and he could feel James’s breath catch in his throat. The smaller young man’s lips parted to let out a soft “Oh.”, and Teddy took the opportunity to flick his tongue along James’s bottom lip before slipping it into the opening. James opened his mouth a bit further, granting Teddy complete access.
Their tongues intertwined slickly, and Teddy shifted the hand that had still been resting on the small of James’s back down a scant few centimeters, waiting to see if James turned skittish on him before sliding it down further to cup James’s firm bum, squeezing gently. James unwrapped his arms from around Teddy’s chest, bringing his hands around front to run down Teddy’s chest. When they reached the hem of his jumper, nimble fingers danced their way under the cloth to explore the soft skin underneath. Teddy let out a soft noise of pleasure, and felt James smile into their kiss. Teddy could feel his self control slipping, and pulled back from the kiss to take a much needed breath.
“Wow,” murmured James, “I hate to sound like a girl, but what are you feeling right now?”
“Aroused, and it’s all your fault.” said Teddy bluntly, pressing a series of open-mouthed kisses along James’s jaw as he dragged his other hand down James’s back to join the first in massaging his arse.
“Other than that, lover boy.” James said with a grin that turned to an expression of pure pleasure when Teddy sank his teeth carefully into the muscle of James’s clothed right shoulder.
“Why do you ask?”
“Look- oh- look at your hair.” James said, leaning back a bit until his mouth- and jaw and neck and shoulders- were out of Teddy’s reach.
Grumbling, Teddy took a hand off of James momentarily to lift a lock of his own hair for inspection. It was a shade he had never seen before, a dark indigo that, depending on how the light hit it, shifted between blue and violet. “Oh,” he said surprisedly, “So that’s bliss.”
“Really?” asked James, a look of wonderment on his face. Sitting up a little more, so that James was sitting on his lap, Teddy nodded before pressing a chaste kiss against his forehead.
“Really.”
James wrapped his arms tightly around Teddy, snuggling as close as he could. “So,” he said, “We’ve gotten over our mutual idiocy, we’ve declared our love for each other, and we’ve snogged. Now what?”
“Well,” Teddy began, shrugging, “There’s half a bowl of pudding we could finish of together.”
“That," said James, a worrying glint in his eye, “Is a great idea.
…
“James, I was referring to eating it.”
“Oh, I fully intend on eating it, Teddy.”
“Oh my- Well. Carry on, then.”
…
“James, are you in here? Have you seen my pud- Oh dear. It’s about bloody time. Well, at least it went to a good cause. Harry, I found the pudding!”
Eighteen
It was Christmas once again at the Potter abode, and James seemed to be missing his boyfriend. Most of the family was gathered in the sitting room, but Teddy had up and disappeared. James knew he was around somewhere, since they’d arrived from Grimmauld Place jointly, where they had been staying together since he’d graduated, a few hours earlier. And Teddy’d opened James’s present to him, a scrapbook containing dozens of photos of the two of them throughout the years, along with some of the drawings from James’s childhood, the ones with him and Teddy holding hands in front of a house with a picket fence.
Teddy had seemed most embarrassed to find himself near tears when he flipped through the book, so James had been kind enough to snog him breathless, disregarding Alby’s retching sounds, until the big bad Auror had regained his composure. But that was a good ten minutes ago, before James had gotten caught up in a conversation about Quidditch with Lily, and Teddy had somehow managed to unwrap himself from his position sprawled around James on the sofa, set the scrapbook on the table, and leave the room. James frowned as he looked around the room again, hoping that Teddy wasn’t in the kitchen sniffling over a few old crayon scribbles.
At that moment, the front door opened, and James turned his head to see who it was, since anybody who wasn’t already there was supposed to be meeting them all at the Burrow. But all he could see was a tiny ball of tan flying across the carpet towards him. James almost drew his wand, but the object reached him before it could, screeching to a halt at his feet. Big, doleful eyes peeked up at him, and his jaw dropped open. Hardly even thinking, he lifted the animal into his lap, barely having time to notice a big red ribbon around its neck before he found his face being wildly licked by a tiny little tongue.
James laughed and looked back at the front door and saw Teddy leaning against it, looking a little windswept, and quite pleased with himself. The slender man pushed himself off the wooden surface and walked up to James, giving him that special, focused look that for many months had been reserved only for him. When Teddy reached James, he gingerly sat down on the sofa before speaking in a soft voice that, while not attempting to keep their conversation from the rest of the openly eavesdropping family, made it quite clear that he was only speaking to James.
“Her name’s Cookie.” said Teddy, and James’s eyes went wide and round as he looked down at the wriggling puppy and back up again at Teddy. Teddy started to look a little nervous, his cheeks and the tips of his hair going pink. “I-ah- I know we’ve only been together a year, so this is all still kind of new for any kind of big leaps, but I thought that since we have the house, maybe- maybe we could start with the cocker spaniel and see how things go as to the rest of it?”
James was utterly floored. “Teddy-“ he began, and then paused, searching desperately for the right words.
“I understand if- if you don’t want that, of course,” said Teddy a little glumly, “It is a huge step and everything, and-“ James shut him up with a very heated kiss. Or what would have been a heated kiss, had Cookie not chosen to leap up and try to get her tongue into the mix, as well. The two men broke apart breathlessly. Teddy gave James a hopeful look. “So does this mean that you’re okay with it? Seeing how things go, and maybe-“
James gave him a quick peck on the lips before replying, “Of course I am, Teddy. Honestly, what did you expect me to say? ‘Oh no, take away the dog, I can’t bear to have my life’s dreams handed to me on a silver platter!’” Teddy gave a sheepish laugh, running his hand through his hair. James realized with a start that it was a gesture that Teddy at some point had picked up from him, and he felt a glow of affection burst to life in his chest.
“I, um, I bought promise rings, too.” said Teddy a little nervously, “I didn’t know if you’d want to wear them, since it’s not an actual engagement or anything, but I thought you should know that I have them.”
Teddy’s nervousness caused that glow of affection to pulse a bit, and he smiled reassuringly. “Yes, I want to wear them, Teddy. Like I’d pass up a chance to make sure all those bints at the Ministry know you’re mine?” Teddy grinned and reached into his pocket, pulling out a ring box. He opened it, revealing a pair of simple platinum bands.
As Teddy pulled it out of the box, he asked “Am I supposed to make some sort of speech now?“
James laughed and shook his head. “No need, Teddy.” As Teddy slid the ring onto his finger, he felt as though his heart would burst. He stared at it in a sort of stunned disbelief as Cookie wriggled her way out of his lap and down to the floor, trundling the short distance to the hearth before plopping gracelessly to the floor and falling asleep. James forced his gaze from the ring so that he could lift it’s pair out of the box, which Teddy snapped shut and set aside, and slip it onto Teddy’s ring finger.
Looking into Teddy’s eyes, he said “I love you, you know that?”
“Of course I do. I love you, too.” As their lips met for yet another intense kiss, this one uninterrupted, and a chorus of cheesy 'Aww's along with renewed retching from his ever-loving little brother broke out all around them, filling him with shock that everybody had stayed quiet for so long, James thought that he’d never been happier.
---------------------------------
“Teddy? Teddy, stop.”
The creaking of bedsprings halted.
“What’s wrong, Jamie?”
“It’s creepy!”
“What is?”
“Her, that’s what!”
“Oh, just ignore it.”
“But she’s so innocent, she shouldn’t be witnessing this!”
“James, ignore it.”
Sheets rustled, and a sharp gasp rang out.
“What- what was I saying?”
“How much you adore me, Jamie.”
“Oh, that’s right.”
The squeaking of bedsprings resumed and, across the room, a pair of doleful eyes kept right on watching.