My life
Hey all.. i am not sure if anyone checks here anymore. I feel like i am slowly starting to come out of this painful fog that is my life and want to reach out to you all again..
I miss you all terribly and cant wait to hear how you all have been doing.
i know a few ppl know what is happening in my life and other ppl are wondering wtf i am doing.
Well i have left Ray. Short and Sweet. But also Painful and Tiring. Its not easy to leave someone who you have been with for 14 years. I am still really good friends with him and we are still trying to work thru things so that we can stay that way.
It would have been much easier to leave him if i was mad at him or hated him. I am neither of those things just so you know. I am no where near andgry and i still love that man very much.. painfully so actually.
I decided to end our relationship before it got to the point of anger and hatred. As much as i dont want a relationship anymore with this man it does not mean i dont want him in my life. I jsut felt that by stying married and on the same path that we were following the hatred and anger were not that far off. I chose to end my relationship with my husband BEFORE this happened so that i could keep him in my life.
I know you all have had close connections with Ray thru these years and have felt close to him. I am so sorry for hurting you guys by doing this. Honestly i am just looking for a chance for Ray and I to be happy. We were not accomplishing this as a couple. We did have happy and very loving moments and when things were bad.. they never really were that bad... its jsut that i want great... actually i want phenominal... i want Ray and I to find the loves of our lives and to spend hte rest of our lives in bliss... not just partially happy. Alot of what i do.. i do for Ray... he does not understand that at this point.. but he needs someone that can give him the things that he needs in life. He also needs to learn to depend on himself instead of fully depending on me to take care of everything.
Its been a very interesting time in my life and i am sorry that i have pulled so far back from the family and friends i have. I have always been one to hide away when i hurt. please dont feel that this has anything to do with any of you or anything you may have done. i just needed and still need some space to breathe and deal with Ray's and my feelings.
So here things sit.. i lay my heart and my life once again at the feet of my friends and family but with warnings that i am still very much in pain. I have days where all i want to do is hide under my covers and cry. Then ther are days when everythings relly seems to be as it should.. so that is a good change..
Its so hard for someone like myself to open up to ppl and hope you all understand how hard it has been for me to even write wht i have written. im sure everyone has so many questions for me and wants to know specifics ... you are all welcome to ask what you want.. i may or may not answer.. jut so you know..
I love you all so much tho.. *cries* and i ask your forgiveness for not being the best friend.. sister or aunt that you all need.
Yours always ...
I miss you all terribly and cant wait to hear how you all have been doing.
i know a few ppl know what is happening in my life and other ppl are wondering wtf i am doing.
Well i have left Ray. Short and Sweet. But also Painful and Tiring. Its not easy to leave someone who you have been with for 14 years. I am still really good friends with him and we are still trying to work thru things so that we can stay that way.
It would have been much easier to leave him if i was mad at him or hated him. I am neither of those things just so you know. I am no where near andgry and i still love that man very much.. painfully so actually.
I decided to end our relationship before it got to the point of anger and hatred. As much as i dont want a relationship anymore with this man it does not mean i dont want him in my life. I jsut felt that by stying married and on the same path that we were following the hatred and anger were not that far off. I chose to end my relationship with my husband BEFORE this happened so that i could keep him in my life.
I know you all have had close connections with Ray thru these years and have felt close to him. I am so sorry for hurting you guys by doing this. Honestly i am just looking for a chance for Ray and I to be happy. We were not accomplishing this as a couple. We did have happy and very loving moments and when things were bad.. they never really were that bad... its jsut that i want great... actually i want phenominal... i want Ray and I to find the loves of our lives and to spend hte rest of our lives in bliss... not just partially happy. Alot of what i do.. i do for Ray... he does not understand that at this point.. but he needs someone that can give him the things that he needs in life. He also needs to learn to depend on himself instead of fully depending on me to take care of everything.
Its been a very interesting time in my life and i am sorry that i have pulled so far back from the family and friends i have. I have always been one to hide away when i hurt. please dont feel that this has anything to do with any of you or anything you may have done. i just needed and still need some space to breathe and deal with Ray's and my feelings.
So here things sit.. i lay my heart and my life once again at the feet of my friends and family but with warnings that i am still very much in pain. I have days where all i want to do is hide under my covers and cry. Then ther are days when everythings relly seems to be as it should.. so that is a good change..
Its so hard for someone like myself to open up to ppl and hope you all understand how hard it has been for me to even write wht i have written. im sure everyone has so many questions for me and wants to know specifics ... you are all welcome to ask what you want.. i may or may not answer.. jut so you know..
I love you all so much tho.. *cries* and i ask your forgiveness for not being the best friend.. sister or aunt that you all need.
Yours always ...