A Man Can Sleep Around, No Questions Asked, but if a Woman Makes Nineteen or Twenty Mistakes...
She's a Tramp. (Joan Rivers)
1. Ever been to a male strip club? NO! Manstrippers are so....SO....nasty. I have a second-hand horror story from my hair stylist which I won't repeat, but it involves a bachelorette party, a male stripper, and the phrase "I don't know if he had a rash or if it was from the women slapping him, but his ass was bright flaming red and I stood behind a recliner so he could not get into my lap."
2. Ever been to a female strip club? No. I'd end up at the one titty bar on the planet with pretty dancers, and I don't need that kick to my self esteem.
3. Ever been to a bar? I grew up in them. Daddy was a musician. The Double Branch and I go waaaay back.
4. Ever been kicked out of a bar or a club? Yes, in Wyoming when I was 8, because "kids aint 'sposed to be in the bar!" At my stepfather's suggestion, I told the man I'd been kicked out of classier joints than his.
5. Ever been so drunk you had to be carried somewhere? No, I don't think it's possible for me to be carried anywhere for any reason.
6. Ever been so drunk you blacked out? No, that would kill the whole point of being drunk.
7. Kissed someone of the same sex? I've never been in a situation where the opportunity presented itself.
8. Thrown up from drinking to much? Mmmm...dry heaving....is not as fun as dry humping.
9. Had sex with more than one person in a 24 hour period? Yes, as two separate incidents.
10. Had sex in a car? Define "sex". Yes. No. Maybe. In a way. Stationary and moving. Recommended.
11. Had sex in a park? OMGWTFBBQ see #10. I can say there is a reason I love going to parks; they hold a certain appeal.
12. Had sex in a movie theater? No...I hate going to movies. I guess if it were a matinee of some spectacularly shitty one, though, it would be WAAAY better than watching and I'd feel like I got my money's worth...
13. Had sex in a bathroom? Yes. Do not recommend - it is as completely unsexy as it sounds, if you think about it.
14. Had sex in a school? Yes. In a school bathroom? Ding Ding!
15. Have you ever been in an "adult" store? Yes, they're fun.
16. Have you ever purchased items from adult store? Online count?
17. Have you spent $100.00 in one visit to the adult store? Cuffs don't cost that much, not even the nice "soft" ones. Even added to the price of a vibrator disguised as a rubber ducky.
18. Is there someone you wished you never had sex with? Yes, sort of, but I don't really regret the experience.
19. Is there someone you wished you had sex with? Yes, everyday. So hard. UGHGHGHGHGHG FUCK!
20. How many partners have you had? Define "partner". 3....or 6.
21. Have you ever received oral sex? Yes. In a box. HAH I'm so punny. I slay me. *vomit*
22. Have you ever given oral sex? Yes. I could pun again here, about packages or something similar, but it's too cheap.
23. Have you ever had a threesome? No. :-( Wouldn't even know how to bring it up.
24. Would you rather have real or fake breast? If I could inspire my own to grow, then real. Since that's un-possible, fake. Big and bouncy and fake, but not so big I'd look fat in T-shirts.
25. Have you ever used viagra (or anything like it)? I am Viagra.
26. Would you rather give or receive oral sex? It really just depends. It's pretty great being on either end of the deal, there, for different reasons.
27. Have you ever kissed a stranger? Not lips-to-lips, but there was this whole "kissy ninjas" incident which included some lips-to-face action. The kissy ninjas need to strike again!
28. How old were you when you first had sex? 15. Yup, been ho-ing it up for six years. I could have five of you out there in prison right now. That power is both sad and intoxicating.
29. Have you ever had a one night stand? No, I'm too shy.
30. Were you honest in this survey? What's that supposed to mean? Of course, asshole.
1. Ever been to a male strip club? NO! Manstrippers are so....SO....nasty. I have a second-hand horror story from my hair stylist which I won't repeat, but it involves a bachelorette party, a male stripper, and the phrase "I don't know if he had a rash or if it was from the women slapping him, but his ass was bright flaming red and I stood behind a recliner so he could not get into my lap."
2. Ever been to a female strip club? No. I'd end up at the one titty bar on the planet with pretty dancers, and I don't need that kick to my self esteem.
3. Ever been to a bar? I grew up in them. Daddy was a musician. The Double Branch and I go waaaay back.
4. Ever been kicked out of a bar or a club? Yes, in Wyoming when I was 8, because "kids aint 'sposed to be in the bar!" At my stepfather's suggestion, I told the man I'd been kicked out of classier joints than his.
5. Ever been so drunk you had to be carried somewhere? No, I don't think it's possible for me to be carried anywhere for any reason.
6. Ever been so drunk you blacked out? No, that would kill the whole point of being drunk.
7. Kissed someone of the same sex? I've never been in a situation where the opportunity presented itself.
8. Thrown up from drinking to much? Mmmm...dry heaving....is not as fun as dry humping.
9. Had sex with more than one person in a 24 hour period? Yes, as two separate incidents.
10. Had sex in a car? Define "sex". Yes. No. Maybe. In a way. Stationary and moving. Recommended.
11. Had sex in a park? OMGWTFBBQ see #10. I can say there is a reason I love going to parks; they hold a certain appeal.
12. Had sex in a movie theater? No...I hate going to movies. I guess if it were a matinee of some spectacularly shitty one, though, it would be WAAAY better than watching and I'd feel like I got my money's worth...
13. Had sex in a bathroom? Yes. Do not recommend - it is as completely unsexy as it sounds, if you think about it.
14. Had sex in a school? Yes. In a school bathroom? Ding Ding!
15. Have you ever been in an "adult" store? Yes, they're fun.
16. Have you ever purchased items from adult store? Online count?
17. Have you spent $100.00 in one visit to the adult store? Cuffs don't cost that much, not even the nice "soft" ones. Even added to the price of a vibrator disguised as a rubber ducky.
18. Is there someone you wished you never had sex with? Yes, sort of, but I don't really regret the experience.
19. Is there someone you wished you had sex with? Yes, everyday. So hard. UGHGHGHGHGHG FUCK!
20. How many partners have you had? Define "partner". 3....or 6.
21. Have you ever received oral sex? Yes. In a box. HAH I'm so punny. I slay me. *vomit*
22. Have you ever given oral sex? Yes. I could pun again here, about packages or something similar, but it's too cheap.
23. Have you ever had a threesome? No. :-( Wouldn't even know how to bring it up.
24. Would you rather have real or fake breast? If I could inspire my own to grow, then real. Since that's un-possible, fake. Big and bouncy and fake, but not so big I'd look fat in T-shirts.
25. Have you ever used viagra (or anything like it)? I am Viagra.
26. Would you rather give or receive oral sex? It really just depends. It's pretty great being on either end of the deal, there, for different reasons.
27. Have you ever kissed a stranger? Not lips-to-lips, but there was this whole "kissy ninjas" incident which included some lips-to-face action. The kissy ninjas need to strike again!
28. How old were you when you first had sex? 15. Yup, been ho-ing it up for six years. I could have five of you out there in prison right now. That power is both sad and intoxicating.
29. Have you ever had a one night stand? No, I'm too shy.
30. Were you honest in this survey? What's that supposed to mean? Of course, asshole.