I Can't Even Sleep
Songs get stuck in my head easily. Not that I'm musical or anything, it's just that my mind races so much when I try to sleep that it can get tripped up on anything that I can dwell on. Usually multiple things at once. I have a hard time believing that most people can handle that, but it's fairly normal.
It's not so bad, I suppose. Sometimes it really hampers my sleep, but I'm also one of the quickest thinkers I know. I guess it's too much to ask to have a talent without a downside. I just want to sleep.
Job hunt still stressing me out, like that's any surprise. One of the songs that has been stuck in my head has been All Along the Watchtower. I bring this up in this paragraph rather than the first one because Jimi Hendrix (who did probably the most famous cover of the song) died at about the same age I am now. I'm stuck in this place, have been stuck in this place really, where I can't advance without the assistance of someone else. I need someone to give me a chance, I need someone to give me an interview, I need someone to actually give me the tools to succeed.
I can't help but think, then, do great people really need someone else to start them off? Well, sure, but how long have I been here? I went to school because I couldn't get those tools. I went to graduate school because I felt that I still couldn't. I'm a licensed attorney now, and I still can't? What gives? Is this all some sort of elaborate hoax holding me back the last 10 years?
I've been told that one of the frequent symptoms schizoids show is a strong belief that they are destined for greatness. I do feel like I could do great things, but everything is a non-starter with me. I lack the tools, and it seems like everyone would deny me them.
Is there truly no place for me?
How insufferable I must be with such thoughts.
It's not so bad, I suppose. Sometimes it really hampers my sleep, but I'm also one of the quickest thinkers I know. I guess it's too much to ask to have a talent without a downside. I just want to sleep.
Job hunt still stressing me out, like that's any surprise. One of the songs that has been stuck in my head has been All Along the Watchtower. I bring this up in this paragraph rather than the first one because Jimi Hendrix (who did probably the most famous cover of the song) died at about the same age I am now. I'm stuck in this place, have been stuck in this place really, where I can't advance without the assistance of someone else. I need someone to give me a chance, I need someone to give me an interview, I need someone to actually give me the tools to succeed.
I can't help but think, then, do great people really need someone else to start them off? Well, sure, but how long have I been here? I went to school because I couldn't get those tools. I went to graduate school because I felt that I still couldn't. I'm a licensed attorney now, and I still can't? What gives? Is this all some sort of elaborate hoax holding me back the last 10 years?
I've been told that one of the frequent symptoms schizoids show is a strong belief that they are destined for greatness. I do feel like I could do great things, but everything is a non-starter with me. I lack the tools, and it seems like everyone would deny me them.
Is there truly no place for me?
How insufferable I must be with such thoughts.