It were scary
It were scary how british. So bri'ish. Walking stereotypes, them. Un. Be. Lieve. A. Bullllll. Don't get me wrong. They're quite nice. If I didn't have to spend so much time with them, I'd probably think they were downright agreeable. But since I'm spending a good chunk of this week with the Booths from England, I can't help noticing...
They all look like Wallace from Wallace & Gromit. Well. At least the men do. Actually, forget that. Unfortunately, even the women have quite a strong resemblance to the claymation character.
Dot and Oz. Yes, Dot and Oz could not be more typical. Oz is yet another version of Wallace... Except he's a bit older. Wallace with a cane, let's say. He has his smart little jacket. He enjoys trying to talk about baseball. Dot, or Dottie (for long), thinks everything is just "loovely, dear". And she's quite picky about her tea. She sniffs with displeasure at the american version we offer her. Oh yes. And Dot somewhat resembles the queen of England. What with her proper ways and her... unoriginal queen-like hairdo, I'd probably believe it were the queen herself if she weren't sitting in my grandparents' living room in central jersey.
There are twelve of them here. Don't ask me what their names are, I haven't quite got them all yet, but I do know that my aunt and Linda (one of the guests here from the UK) were pen-pals. Back when they were 13. Now they're 54. You do the math. But I do know that the twelve of them are in fucking HAZLET, NEW JERSEY, for god's sake. They are here for four days (some of them...) in "new york" and they are spending two and a half of them in Hazlet, New Jersey, arguably the armpit of the armpit of the country (aside from camden, of course). And what did they do in NYC when they were there? Went to Macy's. Four times. Anything else? No. They may have tried to go to the statue of liberty, but if I understood their story correctly (Philip is british and has a lisp), they mistakenly ended up somewhere in Brooklyn.
What else makes them so British? Perhaps it's the fact that they drink pints of beer instead of the expensive wine that was purchased at the high-class restaurant we all went to on one of their two nights in the city itself. Maybe it's the teeth. Gosh. Yes, they have the british teeth. Or maybe that they say "lorry" for truck, "lemonade" for sprite, and "chips" for fries. Oh, and don't forget the long conversation about Princess Diana. Well at least her concert was this week, so she is... in style. Blimey. I don't know why all this is so undeniably British. But I do know that I do not know them, and do not enjoy entertaining all twelve of them for three days straight.
Right on the anniversary of our independence from them. And they're quite happy to share in on the celebration. 'Ell, it means beer, greasy food, and a whole lotta "if it weren't for us, you all wouldn't exist. Think about that!"
I'd go for some real independence day right about now.
They all look like Wallace from Wallace & Gromit. Well. At least the men do. Actually, forget that. Unfortunately, even the women have quite a strong resemblance to the claymation character.
Dot and Oz. Yes, Dot and Oz could not be more typical. Oz is yet another version of Wallace... Except he's a bit older. Wallace with a cane, let's say. He has his smart little jacket. He enjoys trying to talk about baseball. Dot, or Dottie (for long), thinks everything is just "loovely, dear". And she's quite picky about her tea. She sniffs with displeasure at the american version we offer her. Oh yes. And Dot somewhat resembles the queen of England. What with her proper ways and her... unoriginal queen-like hairdo, I'd probably believe it were the queen herself if she weren't sitting in my grandparents' living room in central jersey.
There are twelve of them here. Don't ask me what their names are, I haven't quite got them all yet, but I do know that my aunt and Linda (one of the guests here from the UK) were pen-pals. Back when they were 13. Now they're 54. You do the math. But I do know that the twelve of them are in fucking HAZLET, NEW JERSEY, for god's sake. They are here for four days (some of them...) in "new york" and they are spending two and a half of them in Hazlet, New Jersey, arguably the armpit of the armpit of the country (aside from camden, of course). And what did they do in NYC when they were there? Went to Macy's. Four times. Anything else? No. They may have tried to go to the statue of liberty, but if I understood their story correctly (Philip is british and has a lisp), they mistakenly ended up somewhere in Brooklyn.
What else makes them so British? Perhaps it's the fact that they drink pints of beer instead of the expensive wine that was purchased at the high-class restaurant we all went to on one of their two nights in the city itself. Maybe it's the teeth. Gosh. Yes, they have the british teeth. Or maybe that they say "lorry" for truck, "lemonade" for sprite, and "chips" for fries. Oh, and don't forget the long conversation about Princess Diana. Well at least her concert was this week, so she is... in style. Blimey. I don't know why all this is so undeniably British. But I do know that I do not know them, and do not enjoy entertaining all twelve of them for three days straight.
Right on the anniversary of our independence from them. And they're quite happy to share in on the celebration. 'Ell, it means beer, greasy food, and a whole lotta "if it weren't for us, you all wouldn't exist. Think about that!"
I'd go for some real independence day right about now.