(no subject)
day to day life.
The tap in to the world of your's truely.... PAMELA.
(also a quite convientant resource to remember my life when i am too old to)
Date: as marked in corner. Dan and I shall venture on a moving trip with His mother and sisters. We, however, shall not stay as long as she will be. Reason being "Voices Carry". I have a safe fealing also, but in the end, all I want is a place of our own. Love should be able to flourish no matter where or who you are with, but reality states otherwise. For obvious reasons. Example, I hope not to be in anymore of the same situation my parents were when they were my age. When i was young, we moved into my Nana's to keep here company. I was happy we did (otherwise i would have never met dan, and evern thinking about that gives my stomach a turn). Now that I look back though, I remember having a vibe that my mom DID NOT want to go there, move there, whatever, as she had plenty a time in the past with my Dad. The life my Mother led, was far from any life she had dreamed of, like the other million little girls dressed in pink ballgowns on their grade 1 graduation. But thinking of it, what did she dream of?? what was she longing for? As a first hand, me, I dont think i thought about longterm. Only the marriage, pre-marriage, and possibly some love-dramatic situation bringing our love to a peak of emotion, and he would take my hand, pull me in close, look into my eyes....wow, a little ahead of myself. Maybe it's every girls fantasy to have a savior. What is in us that makes us need, desire, passion. look at our soaps!!! drama drama drama! and we love it!!!! I think i have grown old of that stage, but i remember a time of furious drama! grade 8 for example. how it could have been so simple. But when you yourself, dont know what you want, even if its as simple as choosing how you like your eggs, things, Events that are right infront of your eyes, can seem like someones asking you to dismantal a bomb ticking at 5 seconds. I read my grade 8 diary the other day. I must have written I LOVE DAN a thousand times. But without careful thought. Without sometimes, Stepping out of the moment, you can be caught in a world-wind of events that you can not control at any measure. I should have loved him. REGRET! will never get anybody anywhere. So all this is a spectualatuion of other possible turs in my life. At times a fun escape from reality, others times, an unsafe mental drug taking you on a dangerous trip far away from home, forgetting where you are coming from, what you have, what you, in the moment, can still hold dear.
So i know i have gone completely off track, due to the so many things i want to type. I will try for better organizeation. All i want now is for Dan to come into that door so i can jump on him like a koala, kiss him prefusly, have him tickle me till i get down, watch him walk over to the computer to fix us up a movie, while my sugar high starts to subside, slide into bed, and wait, for my bunny, to keep me warm and safe.
Goodnight.
as i strongly believe that we all have the power to make it on our own....really, who wants to do this life thing alone. Love. love all you can!
The tap in to the world of your's truely.... PAMELA.
(also a quite convientant resource to remember my life when i am too old to)
Date: as marked in corner. Dan and I shall venture on a moving trip with His mother and sisters. We, however, shall not stay as long as she will be. Reason being "Voices Carry". I have a safe fealing also, but in the end, all I want is a place of our own. Love should be able to flourish no matter where or who you are with, but reality states otherwise. For obvious reasons. Example, I hope not to be in anymore of the same situation my parents were when they were my age. When i was young, we moved into my Nana's to keep here company. I was happy we did (otherwise i would have never met dan, and evern thinking about that gives my stomach a turn). Now that I look back though, I remember having a vibe that my mom DID NOT want to go there, move there, whatever, as she had plenty a time in the past with my Dad. The life my Mother led, was far from any life she had dreamed of, like the other million little girls dressed in pink ballgowns on their grade 1 graduation. But thinking of it, what did she dream of?? what was she longing for? As a first hand, me, I dont think i thought about longterm. Only the marriage, pre-marriage, and possibly some love-dramatic situation bringing our love to a peak of emotion, and he would take my hand, pull me in close, look into my eyes....wow, a little ahead of myself. Maybe it's every girls fantasy to have a savior. What is in us that makes us need, desire, passion. look at our soaps!!! drama drama drama! and we love it!!!! I think i have grown old of that stage, but i remember a time of furious drama! grade 8 for example. how it could have been so simple. But when you yourself, dont know what you want, even if its as simple as choosing how you like your eggs, things, Events that are right infront of your eyes, can seem like someones asking you to dismantal a bomb ticking at 5 seconds. I read my grade 8 diary the other day. I must have written I LOVE DAN a thousand times. But without careful thought. Without sometimes, Stepping out of the moment, you can be caught in a world-wind of events that you can not control at any measure. I should have loved him. REGRET! will never get anybody anywhere. So all this is a spectualatuion of other possible turs in my life. At times a fun escape from reality, others times, an unsafe mental drug taking you on a dangerous trip far away from home, forgetting where you are coming from, what you have, what you, in the moment, can still hold dear.
So i know i have gone completely off track, due to the so many things i want to type. I will try for better organizeation. All i want now is for Dan to come into that door so i can jump on him like a koala, kiss him prefusly, have him tickle me till i get down, watch him walk over to the computer to fix us up a movie, while my sugar high starts to subside, slide into bed, and wait, for my bunny, to keep me warm and safe.
Goodnight.
as i strongly believe that we all have the power to make it on our own....really, who wants to do this life thing alone. Love. love all you can!