(no subject)
"sometimes, you see people in the hallways at school that you want to befriend, but you feel like they would not like you because of reasons. you dislike reasons because they are just euphemisms for excuses. and sometimes, your neck hurts from staring down at the numbers on your scale for too long and your wrist hurts from complaining in your journal too much. sometimes, you have to block comments because you do not want to anticipate for anything and you do not want to be disappointed by anything, so you can feel better about leaving the monitor. and occasionally, you show your frustration by abusing innocent pillows and you write in second person because you are so sick of using the word 'i' and sometimes you have to show a picture or two because you're afraid your words are not strong enough to hold you by themselves. in moments like this, all you really want is to be a child again and watch cartoons because they make you feel better."
This was from a Xanga entry. It says the words I couldn't find before.
I wish I could write something amazingly thought provoking, or just something that will make someone's day better. I believe that even sad entries can make someone else feel better, because sad entries help me realize that it's ok to feel this way - I'm only human, just like everyone else.
I'm beginning to feel like this journal is dumb, and too full of shallow thoughts. I think I'm going to make a public journal and not tell anybody what my username is, and hope that someone - anyone finds it through fate, so that it's not so in vain.
I believe John Edwards did want his writing to be read, because otherwise he wouldn't have buried it to preserve it. It doesn't matter that it was read long after he was gone, he was still able to share his thoughts with others. I think humans like to think their thoughts make a difference to other people, and exposure feels good, especially when it's anonymously. That's why online blogging, postasecret, etc are such blessings.
I talked to my friend today, and he seemed sadder than ever, even though he "lol"ed a lot, and said he was hyper, and said he was good. I don't know what it was, but all of it seemed like this big front to pretend he's ok. He wasn't ok in the past, and I think this is the part where you fake it and hope that someone notices, because saying "I'm not ok" already failed. He told me about things he did that shows how much he's changed. He no longer has passion for things he once loved to talk about. I'm scared for him, and I have no idea what I can do for him. This type of thing makes me so frustrated at myself. I wish I had all the answers. I wish I could have this power to make other people feel better. If I could have any power I think I'd want to be able to touch someone and instantly make the person feel better. I wish I had the ability, skill, knowledge to be a doctor and cure people or make people feel better on a daily basis, but I'm afraid I don't.
Everyone wants to think they're going to make a good change in this world, but the thing is, a balance is always needed, and I just don't know what side I'm on. I just really hope I have a place in this world to help people, and my purpose isn't to harm others because of the balance needed. I want to be on the good side. I don't know what God has planned for me.
This was from a Xanga entry. It says the words I couldn't find before.
I wish I could write something amazingly thought provoking, or just something that will make someone's day better. I believe that even sad entries can make someone else feel better, because sad entries help me realize that it's ok to feel this way - I'm only human, just like everyone else.
I'm beginning to feel like this journal is dumb, and too full of shallow thoughts. I think I'm going to make a public journal and not tell anybody what my username is, and hope that someone - anyone finds it through fate, so that it's not so in vain.
I believe John Edwards did want his writing to be read, because otherwise he wouldn't have buried it to preserve it. It doesn't matter that it was read long after he was gone, he was still able to share his thoughts with others. I think humans like to think their thoughts make a difference to other people, and exposure feels good, especially when it's anonymously. That's why online blogging, postasecret, etc are such blessings.
I talked to my friend today, and he seemed sadder than ever, even though he "lol"ed a lot, and said he was hyper, and said he was good. I don't know what it was, but all of it seemed like this big front to pretend he's ok. He wasn't ok in the past, and I think this is the part where you fake it and hope that someone notices, because saying "I'm not ok" already failed. He told me about things he did that shows how much he's changed. He no longer has passion for things he once loved to talk about. I'm scared for him, and I have no idea what I can do for him. This type of thing makes me so frustrated at myself. I wish I had all the answers. I wish I could have this power to make other people feel better. If I could have any power I think I'd want to be able to touch someone and instantly make the person feel better. I wish I had the ability, skill, knowledge to be a doctor and cure people or make people feel better on a daily basis, but I'm afraid I don't.
Everyone wants to think they're going to make a good change in this world, but the thing is, a balance is always needed, and I just don't know what side I'm on. I just really hope I have a place in this world to help people, and my purpose isn't to harm others because of the balance needed. I want to be on the good side. I don't know what God has planned for me.