(no subject)
Every time I try to let him go, and let him live a better life without me, I always fuck up and end up talking to him somehow, or seeing him. Then he does something that makes me realize how annoying I am, or how much he has to put up with me, or how much more important the rest of everything in his life is than I am. And fuck it - I'm not going to lie and say I'm strong enough to deal with that shit, because IT HURTS. It's not even anything he does; it's me, it's all me. I don't go through with plans. Things backfire. I hurt. I hurt him. I make things worst.
That's the cycle. It sums up the past month. Then I realize how fucked up I am, and how much better off he is without me, so I try to let him go. I don't. Etc etc...
Just fuck it all.
It's ironic because today he told me wanted some time to himself. If I wasn't so stupid, he would have gotten it.
This whole thing with us has to stop. It's either all or nothing. I'm tired of being in between. I hate this whole not being together, but still acting like it. It's messed up, and makes me feel even worst.
I hate how I'm so messed up. If only I could pull this off. At least he'd be much better off, even if he can't see it. Maybe I'd be better off as well.
The fucked up thing is, I need to find some way to get a bag of mangoes back. How stupid is that? All this trouble for a bag of damn mangos. I need to learn to drive in the next hour. I am not going to let him go through the trouble of bringing over a bag of damn mangoes.
That's the cycle. It sums up the past month. Then I realize how fucked up I am, and how much better off he is without me, so I try to let him go. I don't. Etc etc...
Just fuck it all.
It's ironic because today he told me wanted some time to himself. If I wasn't so stupid, he would have gotten it.
This whole thing with us has to stop. It's either all or nothing. I'm tired of being in between. I hate this whole not being together, but still acting like it. It's messed up, and makes me feel even worst.
I hate how I'm so messed up. If only I could pull this off. At least he'd be much better off, even if he can't see it. Maybe I'd be better off as well.
The fucked up thing is, I need to find some way to get a bag of mangoes back. How stupid is that? All this trouble for a bag of damn mangos. I need to learn to drive in the next hour. I am not going to let him go through the trouble of bringing over a bag of damn mangoes.