Secret Diary of Kirkland
Following a bad review at work, I've been considering my life and becoming ever so depressed. My manager feels as though I come to work and only go through the motions. As though I don't want to be there in the first place. He thinks I'm not proactive enough. Like I walk into work and stand around aimlessly until someone tells me what to do which is NOT true in any way.
Though it may be true that I don't really want to be there, I certainly make the best of it. I think I'm a great employee. I work hard and get everything I need to do done. I'm never rude or cantankerous. I think it's just because I don't relate to any of my coworkers. I'm not their friends and it pisses them off. I'm very friendly, but I keep my distance. I'm there to work and get paid nothing more. Costco is not my life nor do I care anything about the company. I asked if I could work for them, they agreed and that's the end.
But thinking of all of this has put me in a foul, depressing mood. It's reminded me of how I'm no where near where I wanted to be in my life and that I honestly don't know where that place is to begin with. My natural knee-jerk reaction would be to runaway. But I never do. I endure. I sustain. My friends and lover offer slight comfort, but will it be enough? In the end it's all comes down to me. I have to deal with all of this myself.
People keep telling me to go to work and do my best. Love what I do regardless of what it is. But how I can I love something when I hate everything first and foremost? Yes it may be true that I don't like what I do for work, but over the weeks that I've been doing it I've become comfortable. Now all of that has become disheveled. Once again I seek solace.
Though it may be true that I don't really want to be there, I certainly make the best of it. I think I'm a great employee. I work hard and get everything I need to do done. I'm never rude or cantankerous. I think it's just because I don't relate to any of my coworkers. I'm not their friends and it pisses them off. I'm very friendly, but I keep my distance. I'm there to work and get paid nothing more. Costco is not my life nor do I care anything about the company. I asked if I could work for them, they agreed and that's the end.
But thinking of all of this has put me in a foul, depressing mood. It's reminded me of how I'm no where near where I wanted to be in my life and that I honestly don't know where that place is to begin with. My natural knee-jerk reaction would be to runaway. But I never do. I endure. I sustain. My friends and lover offer slight comfort, but will it be enough? In the end it's all comes down to me. I have to deal with all of this myself.
People keep telling me to go to work and do my best. Love what I do regardless of what it is. But how I can I love something when I hate everything first and foremost? Yes it may be true that I don't like what I do for work, but over the weeks that I've been doing it I've become comfortable. Now all of that has become disheveled. Once again I seek solace.