Typing blindly.
I am writing this with my eyes closed. I will erase nothing yet. I want to be free. From the agony of patience. I want to vbe free from being blind. It is painful, waiting like this. It is a cycle I have lived this before. I do not know how well I type with my eyes closed. I do not know how well I lived through life with my eyes closed eithr. Perhaps I have been blind all this timne. Perhaps I have finally seen the light. And that reality is what makes me blind. THe temptation to see is overwhelming but I will resist. I want to see how long I can go without looking. I have done this before. Have faith in my hands. To compose the words. HAve faith in the words to compose my hand. But it is so tempting. It is a game I am playing with myself. TO see how long I can go without looking. See how long I can fall without crashing. See how long I can hold on without my grip slipping. Perhaps the game builds strength. Perhaps I am foolish to play it all. I have lost track of the keys I don't know what I am t...
That's where I stopped. That's where I opened my eyes. I can see what I'm typing now. I'm actually very impressed. It was a metaphor. I can do this. I can trust myself through this. I can trust my words. I want to play again. I want to try again.
This is round to of the blind game. Perhaps I am being overconfident. Perhaps not. Again it is all about trust. Love is all about trust. Love is all about fate and trusting what life throws in your general direction. It is quite miraculous how we can do such beautiful things without our knowing. Expressing so much shseer passion. Backspace is a sin. It messes me up.
I'm going to take the scarf from my shelf and try this with an outer source. Let's see how it goes.
Tgus us wgere U begub. Cinplketky blkind. Insecure unsure where I am going. It is difficult to trust I don't know if my hands are in the right place or not I did not see wherre I laid my hands. If this is all jumbled then I know this is wrong. It probably is not. I don't know. It is hard not to be insecure when there is a voice in the back of your mind telling you that you are always wrong and a failure at all things you sret out to accomplish. Not the blind typing is a greater on the scale of accomplishments. This is all just a mess of letters I bet. I should blind fold rruan the nect time I see him. My mind is skipping I don't know where I am it is difficult to trust this my mind is racing I want to see so badly but I will not resist I will not fall into this temptation and I WILL RESITS it. even though the the grammar must be teerrible god I know this will be horrendous and incoherent but I shupoose that is of no significance. I will see how well I know anything at all. It is tricky to do this without eyes. And I cannot cheat not even a little. I would have cheated by now. I know it. But I always stop when I get to far. Perhaps I should stop now bbut I won't I want to dance in the dark sky. I can see it is is dark blue and the stars are magnificent. He and I we could dance tofether in the darkness. How beautiful we are when we are free. It makes me want to cry for I know we are not free. Not free to be tofether physically. I wish we were tofeht so many errors I can feel it. Yet I still persist? Whhy on earth would I keep going. Such a blind fool I am. Probavly not even close to the right keys such a fool. There it is pouring out of me. Yet I still have faith I will not stop not yet. It keeps repeating It is time to see I am growing irritatied and impatient. NO YOU MUST KEEP TYPING I love h I love himn. I will see now. After ab it. I want to see!!! I want to believe that I wrote this all right. That this was coherent enough to be read that I atleast hit the right letters. Let me see now spirit. I'm like a little kid against. So impatient so ready to see what I have written. Let's see it li NO? Not yet? Alruight fine. But I warn you, it is not time. Wishing well. Why do I see a wishing well. And a house it is turning white and black and there is a field and cows and things I cannot quite recall while it is so simple. So beautiful California. Is it so? I see it exploding djhafsfdh colors in the sky are so magnificne.t see now ali. See it now.
Hmm.