1/3 through and I already have all this to say.
Book I of Breaking Fail has taught me a few things:
1) Whining is really charming
2) As is being an ingrate
3) Also, thinking you're ugly is really preciously awkward also :3
4) Apparently people in Forks don't believe in looking in a fucking mirror before walking down the isle
5) Beautiful people making you feel physically ill = Normal
6) Unprotected sex + bruises + feather-mania = Good times!
7) Edward...knows Portuguese? WTF?
8) Bella loves sex. A lot.
9) And flimsy underwear. I almost was more offended by that than if there was actually a sex scene. Even a flowery, metaphor riddled one would have been decent. Girls are her main audience and girls mature pretty damn fast. I'm sure her target demographic can fucking handle a flowery little strongly implied sex scene. I read worse in 5th fucking grade.
10) MY TAMPONS, LET ME SHOW U DEM. Y DUN U UNDERSTAND MAH PROBLEM WHEN I THRUST MAH TAMPAX IN YO FACE, EDWARD? D:
11) Seriously, the Portuguese. Wut?
12) Why the fuck were her parents so chill about the marriage? Charlie was IC for like 5 seconds and Bella's mom was totes OOC. Way to avoid conflict.
13) I still like Charlie though.
14) Did I mention Bella likes sex a lot?
15) Still no sign of black folk. Not surprised but damn, can't there be ONE vampire who isn't white/olive skinned? I'm honestly curious. Somebody should ask SMeyers how that shit works. If not, ask if there is one fucking black person in the books. I heard that ONE fan seems to think the soon to be demon baby and all that jazz is about how important and special humanity is as well as social commentary about racism/racial mixing.
PARDON ME WHILE I LAUGH LIKE A GIANT LAUGHING THING.
I'm sorry but am I REALLY supposed to believe racial mixing is a theme of these books when Smeyers goes on and on about how beautiful pale, snow white skin is? Now don't go all, "BUT-BUT FAILCOB IS NATIVE AMERICAN AND IS SUPPOSED TO BE HOT!" Yeah, yeah, yeah, Failcob's ~*~russet~*~ skin can kiss my ass. Obviously making up for shit.
Now, I'm not asking for the amount of diversity that'll make an illustrator of a 90's math/language book proud, but seriously, folks, one peson who isn't native american or whitey mcpalewhitewhite would be nice.
1) Whining is really charming
2) As is being an ingrate
3) Also, thinking you're ugly is really preciously awkward also :3
4) Apparently people in Forks don't believe in looking in a fucking mirror before walking down the isle
5) Beautiful people making you feel physically ill = Normal
6) Unprotected sex + bruises + feather-mania = Good times!
7) Edward...knows Portuguese? WTF?
8) Bella loves sex. A lot.
9) And flimsy underwear. I almost was more offended by that than if there was actually a sex scene. Even a flowery, metaphor riddled one would have been decent. Girls are her main audience and girls mature pretty damn fast. I'm sure her target demographic can fucking handle a flowery little strongly implied sex scene. I read worse in 5th fucking grade.
10) MY TAMPONS, LET ME SHOW U DEM. Y DUN U UNDERSTAND MAH PROBLEM WHEN I THRUST MAH TAMPAX IN YO FACE, EDWARD? D:
11) Seriously, the Portuguese. Wut?
12) Why the fuck were her parents so chill about the marriage? Charlie was IC for like 5 seconds and Bella's mom was totes OOC. Way to avoid conflict.
13) I still like Charlie though.
14) Did I mention Bella likes sex a lot?
15) Still no sign of black folk. Not surprised but damn, can't there be ONE vampire who isn't white/olive skinned? I'm honestly curious. Somebody should ask SMeyers how that shit works. If not, ask if there is one fucking black person in the books. I heard that ONE fan seems to think the soon to be demon baby and all that jazz is about how important and special humanity is as well as social commentary about racism/racial mixing.
PARDON ME WHILE I LAUGH LIKE A GIANT LAUGHING THING.
I'm sorry but am I REALLY supposed to believe racial mixing is a theme of these books when Smeyers goes on and on about how beautiful pale, snow white skin is? Now don't go all, "BUT-BUT FAILCOB IS NATIVE AMERICAN AND IS SUPPOSED TO BE HOT!" Yeah, yeah, yeah, Failcob's ~*~russet~*~ skin can kiss my ass. Obviously making up for shit.
Now, I'm not asking for the amount of diversity that'll make an illustrator of a 90's math/language book proud, but seriously, folks, one peson who isn't native american or whitey mcpalewhitewhite would be nice.