Marraige/Love
I've been thinking recently about my future and what I want to do. I always thought no matter what happened I would get married, have kids, live happily ever after. While all those things are still on my list (ish) I've been thinking about the marraige part a lot lately... First of all, its a heteronormative ritual which honestly means nothing because if two people love each other and are committed to each other they don't really need to pay thousands of dollars to show it. Plus the fact that even if people get "married" over half the time it ends in divorce, most of which are terrible, gross, horrific times for both people involved. Not to mention the fact that loads of people get married on a whim, just because they feel like it. I guess the only real benefit of marraige that I can think of is that you would get to make legal or medical decisions for your spouse... I guess if I did find someone I really loved and we decided to get married it would be as non-normative as possible. Or not, I don't know, I'd really like to go to a UU wedding sometime to see what they're like... I mean I went to Deb's but that was at the smaller church up north, I'd like to go to one at my church and see what its like.
I guess the other thing I've been worried a lot about recently is the fact that I've become so cynical about love. I used to believe in love at first sight and that love could completely take over a persons senses. I used to get crushes on every cute boy I met and decide right away we were going to get married and what our kids would look like and what our life would be like. But I don't do that anymore, I've lost all my innocence when it comes to love and that makes me sad. I think part of it is the fact that my first relationship was so terrible, and ended so badly. But another part is the fact that my dad is now "in love" for the first time since my mom died. It happened so quickly... they were dating for maybe 2 months when he told us he was in love with her and recently he told me that if it weren't for us they would have moved in together already. I just feel like that is way too fast, love doesn't happen like that. I think lust and loneliness can make you feel that way but not love. I guess it doesn't help that I'm not a big fan of the woman he's dating... I seriously wish he would stop picking women who try too hard.
I guess it could be a good thing that I'm more realistic about love now... but I'm afraid I won't know it when I see it.
I guess the other thing I've been worried a lot about recently is the fact that I've become so cynical about love. I used to believe in love at first sight and that love could completely take over a persons senses. I used to get crushes on every cute boy I met and decide right away we were going to get married and what our kids would look like and what our life would be like. But I don't do that anymore, I've lost all my innocence when it comes to love and that makes me sad. I think part of it is the fact that my first relationship was so terrible, and ended so badly. But another part is the fact that my dad is now "in love" for the first time since my mom died. It happened so quickly... they were dating for maybe 2 months when he told us he was in love with her and recently he told me that if it weren't for us they would have moved in together already. I just feel like that is way too fast, love doesn't happen like that. I think lust and loneliness can make you feel that way but not love. I guess it doesn't help that I'm not a big fan of the woman he's dating... I seriously wish he would stop picking women who try too hard.
I guess it could be a good thing that I'm more realistic about love now... but I'm afraid I won't know it when I see it.