Movies = Life
So we went and saw Pride & Prejudice tonight. Wow. What an amazing movie. It made me so happy and so sad all at once. The characters were so lively and either so amazingly likeable or throughly distasteful. Kiera Knightly did so well portraying her character that I felt I could feel each emotion she was feeling. I love seeing all these movies that show the feelings that a girl goes through when she's in like/lust/love... the giddiness, the sighing, the feeling like you can't sit still ever again, the giggles, the looks, your heart racing and the feeling that you can't ever catch your breath... everything that a girl goes through. It made me want to cry and laugh all at once. It's the kind of movie that you go to with your girlfriends because no man, no matter how much he says he can relate to women, could ever understand what a girl feels like when she is in love.
I think probably the saddest part for me was watching the joy and sorrow their mother went through... she was one of those throughly distasteful characters but it made me just wish that I had someone to feel that way for me.
Watching Jane and Elizabeth made me think of me and Erin and I really loved that. Everything from sleeping in the same bed together to talking about boys and our joys and woes.
The thing that made me really sad was the realization that my life has never been like that. I have never so passionatly fallen in love with someone and that makes me really sad because I feel like love is something that has been missing from my life. Its sad but I almost feel like it may be too late for me. I dunno maybe I'm just feeling depressed or something but it's just like I never kissed a boy until I was 17 and even then it was less of a kiss and more of a peck cuz I freaked out and turned my face away. Now at 18 I've actually made out with a boy but then I get totally blown off the next time I see him. It's really sad because now that I've made out with him he's all I can think of. I know that I probably wont see him again and that if I ever do it will be more awkwardness and him ignoring me or something just as awful. But I always have that small glimmer of hope that he might decide that he actually does like me. I think that all these feelings are helped by the fact that Charlott seems to have such luck in love/like/lust. I mean all the better for her! It's not that I'm jealous or hate her for it or anything it's just that it makes me sad that it can't happen to me.
Blah I think its all this Christmasy spirit that's getting me down. I hate the holidays and this year especially will suck because no presents for Christmas. I don't even expect anything for my birthday. I really hate not being able to do Christmas but if it means that I get to continue on in college and we get to continue having food and shelter I don't really care. I don't even want a Christmas tree this year because it'll be too much of a reminder of what we can't have. Sometimes it makes me angry looking back at last Christmas when our dad gave us all $100 to spend on gifts... it makes me wish he had had more foresight into what might happen to us financially.
I think probably the saddest part for me was watching the joy and sorrow their mother went through... she was one of those throughly distasteful characters but it made me just wish that I had someone to feel that way for me.
Watching Jane and Elizabeth made me think of me and Erin and I really loved that. Everything from sleeping in the same bed together to talking about boys and our joys and woes.
The thing that made me really sad was the realization that my life has never been like that. I have never so passionatly fallen in love with someone and that makes me really sad because I feel like love is something that has been missing from my life. Its sad but I almost feel like it may be too late for me. I dunno maybe I'm just feeling depressed or something but it's just like I never kissed a boy until I was 17 and even then it was less of a kiss and more of a peck cuz I freaked out and turned my face away. Now at 18 I've actually made out with a boy but then I get totally blown off the next time I see him. It's really sad because now that I've made out with him he's all I can think of. I know that I probably wont see him again and that if I ever do it will be more awkwardness and him ignoring me or something just as awful. But I always have that small glimmer of hope that he might decide that he actually does like me. I think that all these feelings are helped by the fact that Charlott seems to have such luck in love/like/lust. I mean all the better for her! It's not that I'm jealous or hate her for it or anything it's just that it makes me sad that it can't happen to me.
Blah I think its all this Christmasy spirit that's getting me down. I hate the holidays and this year especially will suck because no presents for Christmas. I don't even expect anything for my birthday. I really hate not being able to do Christmas but if it means that I get to continue on in college and we get to continue having food and shelter I don't really care. I don't even want a Christmas tree this year because it'll be too much of a reminder of what we can't have. Sometimes it makes me angry looking back at last Christmas when our dad gave us all $100 to spend on gifts... it makes me wish he had had more foresight into what might happen to us financially.