I'm looking for a Virginia

[forensicated]

Any lasses named after Yank states out there?

Comments

[nychandcuffs]

I hear there's a cheerleader named Dallas.

No wait, that was Debbie Does Dallas.

Who's asking?

[forensicated]

Wrong state, love.

Depends if I'm talking to her or not.

[nychandcuffs]

Well, that certainly narrows it down.

Let me guess, you're Ronnie. Are all you Brits cagey when talking to someone online? I'm Virginia Stewart of the NYPD. Call me Vee. Or 'Yank broad' as you seem to prefer.

[forensicated]

I wouldn't say cagey, love. Just trying to protect Matty's honour. He doesn't appreciate me trying to set him up, he gets vocal. Nice to meet you, Detective. How quickly can you get a flight to London?

[nychandcuffs]

Are you trying to set him up again? What's that got to do with me? Nice to meet you too, Detective. Why?

[forensicated]

Now who's cagey, sweetheart? The way I hear it, you two set yourself up quite fine without me. What's a day of faked sick leave between friends, huh?

[nychandcuffs]

I wouldn't say cagey, sir. Just trying to protect Matty's honour. He did mention he came clean to you. And to be honest, a day of faked sick leave is a lot of fun.

[forensicated]

Touche. Hm. I wouldn't bank on another one anytime soon. Matty's become karma's number one fan.

[nychandcuffs]

What's happened to him?

[forensicated]

We just shipped him off in an ambulance. Looks like the kid needs to be cut open. Figured you'd appreciate a heads up.

[nychandcuffs]

I... what? Why's he going to hospital? Why's he even need to get cut open.

Fuck...

Fuck!

[forensicated]

Hey, calm down, love. Good chance it's just appendicitis. Quick op and he'll be on the mend. I had to involve the hospital, my surgery skills aren't up to scratch and his bathroom looked questionably unsanitary.

[nychandcuffs]

Probably because he's been throwing up so much.

And you couldn't have opened with the whole appendicitis thing? Do you often leave out the vital details?

[forensicated]

More like he's been throwing up because his appendix was about ready to explode. He called me and practically begged me to help him to a doctor. He was in a lot of pain, but he's in good hands now. As good hands as the NHS offers, anyway. Hopefully no one traffics his kidney while they have him open.

And reveal Matty's private medical info to a stranger if you were pulling my leg about who you were, love? Sure you're a detective?

[nychandcuffs]

And here I was thinking it was Man Flu. Shit... no wonder he wasn't feeling so great. Bet he still thinks it's because he took a fake sick day. Anyone traffics his kidney and I'll forget the badge and string them up by the short and curlies and cut them open myself.

Yeah, well, got my badge out of a Lucky Charms box. Guess it was only time until someone sniffed me out. What exactly is going to make you believe I'm me?

[forensicated]

Matty's Catholic. I'll light a candle for his guilt. For Matty to suffer Man Flu, he'd have to admit he was sick. He only does that when he's really bad, likes to rock up at work and spread his germs before that happens.

Probably very little until I meet you face-to-face. He's at the Royal London Hospital, surgical ward. I'll leave your name at reception. You'll just need to show your detective badge to gain access to him.