Files - Part 4
The Pueblo at Taos was too like Nagada-reddish clay made into square structures that rose from rough ground. Daniel took one look, turned, got in his car and drove off. He'd spent the previous night at some motel along the road, had slept and eaten, found some coffee. Now he wished he'd never thought to come here. The place stirred memories of Sha're, of Abydos, of everything he'd lost. So he left it behind, took his memories with him-and Jack's words.
Sha're for his career.
The idea struck fresh as it had yesterday, cut like a blade that got sharper with use. He drove blindly, following a straight highway that took him nowhere until his eyes wouldn't stay open. He found another motel, stopped, put the cost of a bed on a credit card, then fell into suffocating dreams.
Nagada, the dry sands of Abydos, Sha're smiling at him, reaching for him, Ra's pyramid, Jack standing in front of the Stargate, telling him he had to come back. He woke with a start, blinking into darkness. Breathing hard, he got up and went to the bathroom to splash water on the cold sweat. Then he sat in the darkness to stare at a moon-washed sky and a too-bright motel sign.
He needed a sign, he thought, but he hadn't found one in this desert. He was wandering and aimless. His life had made sense on Abydos-and he'd been making sense of it within the structure he'd been rebuilding. But that seemed about as solid as a sand castle right now. Truth was, maybe he was just someone destined to always push until everything fell apart.
Restless, he dressed, checked out, drove until he found a small café with coffee that could melt a spoon and food made more for its ability to stick to your ribs than for taste. He ate, bought a map, picked a place at random and headed for the ruins of Canyon de Chelly. As he hiked over the rough trails, it struck him that all the assumptions about the Anasazi were wrong.
The general belief was drought or natural catastrophe had led them to abandon their homes. But as he stared at the cliff dwellings, built to hide a people, it seemed pretty obvious they'd been threatened by something. He thought of the myths of these people and wondered what false god had swept them away.
How many other cultures had been raided to the point of collapse and extinction? Reduced to so few survivors that the civilization slipped backwards? It wasn't a new story, but he had some ability now to do something about it.
Turning from the ruins, he walked back to his car, keeping to the trails. Damn it, the military might not want him around, but they had him. And they were going to get his help no matter what. He'd go back and...
And, oh, hell.
Had his suspension started on the day he'd come in late or the next-was he due back tomorrow or the day after?
He should call and ask, but who could he talk to now? Hammond? Jack? Would Jack even take his call? Or Sam or Teal'c? He'd done his best to put distance there, so he didn't see any of them wanting to talk to him now. He let out a long breath at that thought and had the edges of that black mood creeping back.
Climbing into his car, he started driving again. He turned north and split the difference.
He got back to the mountain in time to either be half a day early or half a day late, and went in with belligerent aggression, daring anyone to throw him out again.
He didn't get any stares, so he assumed there wasn't a standing order for his detention. And they didn't stop him from entering, so he assumed he was late, not early and still banned.
He kept his head down after that and didn't look up at any checkpoint. He changed fast in an empty locker room, put on a uniform with reluctant distaste, and thought back to when he'd returned from Abydos. Déjà vu.
He hadn't known anyone then-except Jack. And he was supposed to have been dead, and no one had seemed all that happy it was otherwise. Of course, they'd been dealing with their own dead and wounded. He'd caught a few looks, narrowed eyes and mouths pulled tight, and he'd decided a few people held him responsible. There'd been cause for that since he'd opened the 'gate-more unwilling exchanges he’d made. And here he was again, trying to blend and not doing a good job of it.
He made it to his office and hoped he'd have a few minutes to himself.
But, of course, Jack was waiting.
#
Jack glanced up, saw Daniel step in and watched the man's defenses slam into place. The guy looked down and away, and there wasn't an ounce of ease like there should be after three days downtime. The long hair hung limp and dull around a pale face. The shadows under his eyes had deepened and he moved as if he'd slept bad or spent too long in a car. Jack knew Daniel had done both of those things.
The frown tightened on Daniel's face as he came a step closer. He turned and pushed at one of the bits of something sprawled on his lab table, then let out a breath. “You were right,” he said, dragging out the words like they were foot-long thorns. He looked up and it wasn't anger in his eyes, but there was something lurking behind the glasses. Then he added, “Sha're was worth anything. Everything.”
Jack looked away. Ah, damn. So this was how it went-he was right, Daniel was wrong. He'd won. Then he had to look back because the skin on the back of his neck prickled and tension still hung in the room like just before the vortex exploded from the Stargate.
Daniel pushed off from the table to face him, and the blast Jack was expecting hit in a soft, rapid-fire voice. “But what was done was wrong. I can't condone that. I won't. I understand about secrets-I'm not qualified to judge anything about what gets released. But it's not right to go around destroying careers without even a warning. And if that is the official policy, then it's time for some kind of changes, because I won't participate in knee-jerk paranoia. So you can do whatever you need to-throw me back into a cell or whatever. I'm still not going to say I agree with the excuse that it was necessary or justified.”
Jack met and matched that stare. And he saw he was going to just keep getting grief on this-Daniel had that obstinate tilt to his head. “Crap, I hate when Carter's this right.”
Daniel's eyebrows lifted high, and Jack knew he'd muttered the words. Wasn't this a great start back to everything when they were both supposed to have had time off enough to cool their jets.
Daniel just kept staring at him, so Jack did what you did when you went into a tailspin; he went with it and pushed to power out again. “I wasn't there.”
That blue-eyed stare flickered away, then came back. Daniel’s lips parted as if he was about to say something, but no words came out. He just stood there, his forehead bunched into deep lines. Behind the glasses, confusion flooded his eyes.
Jack gunned it before his brain could catch up with his mouth. “Yeah, I know. Could be lying, probably am, except my first choice is always to tell Maybourne where he can stuff his cloak and his dagger.”
Daniel's eyebrows flattened, then lifted in the center, and he started blinking like he was trying to reorder everything in his head; Jack had his first spurt of real hope out of that.
“What you said...about a medal?” Daniel asked, the words slow as he dredged the memory up from wherever he'd stuffed it. Daniel didn't ever forget much of anything, but Jack knew the man's office reflected just how Daniel organized things in his own head-unique and god help anyone trying to get to anything.
“Yeah? Should've known you wouldn't hear that part of it. You better damn well hear this. Something like this, if I had been there, it's a helluva a lot less work to just explain the words ‘national’ and ‘security’ to someone. And if that hadn't done it with you back then, I'd have let Catherine show you her rocks-you'd have forgotten you ever had a speech to give.”
The eyebrows lifted high and Jack wondered how it was that Daniel could make him feel like he was ten and late with his homework. “You didn't know me then.” The icy tone implied Jack still didn't know, but Jack did.
“Books, Daniel. You showed up with a suitcase of 'em. Doesn't take a brain like Carter's to figure out the obvious from that.”
And thank god that had Daniel frowning again and looking uncertain, meaning the man was at least not shutting down like he'd been about to after that 'done wrong' lecture. “Why are you telling me this now?”
Jack lifted a hand and kept the throttle open since he wasn't nose up yet. “Because Carter told me to. And Teal'c backed her. What-you think I don't listen to my team?”
Daniel's eyebrows flew high again, and the look on his face said everything sarcastic about what he wasn't saying. Then he took that snooty tone that always got under Jack's skin. “Am I supposed to construe this to be some kind of apology?”
Jack pulled in a breath, forced himself to at least count to four. That's as far as he could get before he had to get an answer slapped back at Daniel. “You can construe it's a sock, I don't care. But you better fit in there that there's going to be another time we have to shut someone up about this.”
“Not like...not without a real need.”
“Not making promises.”
“So no one really regrets anything other than that the information reached me?”
“What else would I regret? That Maybourne didn't just want you gone-he wanted you?”
“What?”
“Daniel, will you...I told you. Medal? As in for getting us you? We're not the only ones who think stuff like that. And notice I didn't say where we ought to pin it.”
Daniel's confusion had gone full blown and he reached for a chair. He sat down, propped his elbows on his knees and put his head in his hands. Jack edged closer but left him to it-about time Daniel got over those blinders he put on about hearing anything good about himself.
Finally, Daniel sat up again. “What?”
Jack edged another step nearer to the guy. He was going to take it as a good sign that Daniel didn't stiffen like he expected to be shot. “It wasn't just payback. Maybourne was workin' an angle to come out with more than he had going in.”
Daniel’s face tightened with a grimace. “Making me realize the military has no respect for my work was supposed to make me want to work for some other division of it?”
“Hey, Maybourne thought Omac was the sharing type, so I'm not seeing much of a strategic thinker there.”
“You are.” Daniel stood and his eyes narrowed. “Just how is this suspension going to show up on my paycheck?”
Stuffing his hands into his pockets, Jack rocked onto his toes. He didn't see any point to an evasion. “Didn't say you went without pay, did I?”
“So what-it was supposed to be a vacation?”
“Did it feel like one?”
Daniel gave a rude snort that wasn't a laugh and sure as hell wasn't attractive, but Jack didn't let it lure him into adding anything more. Putting in the paperwork for those days off had at least kept Daniel's overnight walkabout under the official Pentagon radar. No way was Jack giving Maybourne, or any of his pals, anything else he could use here. “You really care about that?” Jack asked.
With a shake of his head, Daniel turned. He put his hands on his lab table, fingers spread wide, leaned on it. “Doesn't matter what I care about, does it?”
“Dunno. Seems that's all that does matter sometimes. But you have to know, stepping back with us means we lie about this program. That doesn't change.”
“What does? But if those laws of compensation are working, what do I get for leaving any ethical sensibility at the door?”
“That's not-Daniel, you lose one thing, there's a space open. Something's gotta fill it. If you're lucky, it's good. If not, well, you toss it back and keep trolling. But this...this isn't that kind of choice.”
Shoulders slumping, Daniel didn't answer, so Jack stepped close, put a hand on the man. Daniel didn't shake him off and that was enough-that sign at last that he'd give. “Daniel, it only feels like you against the world.”
Daniel looked up at that, eyes troubled, but wide and looking for the truth-just like always. Jack gestured to the doorway then, to Carter and Teal'c who'd stepped in and had kept quiet and were waiting. Daniel stiffened, and Jack thought the guy might try to bolt on them again. But Daniel started to open his mouth, and Jack could guess what was coming.
Carter could, too, because she was in front of the man before a word spilled with a finger pointed at him. “Daniel, if I hear one word of apology about this, I will seriously give you something to be sorry for. You were doing what you thought was right.”
“Indeed. As was everyone, Daniel Jackson.”
Daniel stared to shake his head, but Teal'c locked his hands behind his back and stepped forward, taking up every inch of breathing space available. Jack let him since that much looming had shut Daniel up. “Daniel Jackson, a great injustice was done to you. We are all agreed upon that.” Teal'c glanced around. Carter nodded. Jack offered a shrug that could mean anything-what else was he going to do? He rolled a hand, giving Teal'c the go to keep on wherever this was headed.
“We cannot correct past events. Nor, as O'Neill has said, can we offer assurance such circumstances might not reoccur. You, however, will be committing an equal injustice if you judge us to be culpable merely though association.”
Daniel slanted a look at Carter, then looked away. “Actually, that wasn't the only criteria. Or what I-”
“Daniel, if you'd let me talk with you about-”
“Enough!”
Teal'c's voice boomed, startling Carter and Daniel into silence. Jack started to say something, but a dark look from Teal'c had him zipping it and putting his complaint into a hard look instead. Jack gave the look back. Would've been nice if you'd thought to do this a couple days ago!
Teal'c lifted one eyebrow, which pretty much dismissed there being any wisdom in that idea, and turned back to Daniel. “Have we not, with our efforts with the Tollan and others, demonstrated our commitment to the belief that some circumstances supersede the discipline necessary within a strong fighting unit?”
Daniel looked away, shook his head. “That's not what this is about.”
“Well, then, what the hell is it?”
“O'Neill!” The word came out a low growl.
Jack lifted his hands high and wide. “Fine-you do this!” He turned, stalked away, threw himself into Daniel's office chair and left Teal'c to it. The guy couldn't possibly mess this up any worse than it was.
Teal’c faced Daniel again. “Daniel Jackson, you trust us to support the best interests of others as we have with the Tollan. But you do not trust us to seek what is in your best interests. You believe it is to SG-1 that we owe the strongest allegiance, and that supersedes the value of any individual.”
With his eyebrows wanting to crawl off his forehead, Jack stared at Teal'c. Was that it? Daniel saw this as only being about keeping the team intact, with nothing in there about trying to pull Daniel off that high ledge he'd climbed up onto? Crap, no wonder it'd gone bad.
He stood, started to say something, but Teal'c shot him another of those dark stares, and Jack stopped everything. Hell of a team he had, what with one of them looking ready to thump him and another walled off like he had his own titanium shield in place. Carter just had a bright-eyed stare on Daniel as if she had hot tears too close to the surface-or was going to tackle him if he made a move to leave.
Daniel didn't move. He also wasn't meeting anyone's stare. He had his arms folded and didn't answer. He looked about as miserable as anyone could. Finally, he just nodded. “I don't blame you. Any of you. It's not only your training, there's extensive socialization and cultural imperatives behind the impulses to put the group first. You do belong here, and you work hard at fitting into the military structure. It's just...well, I...it's...I can't help but think the group is actually stronger when the individuals within are treated with respect for their unique abilities and skills. I didn't-I thought...”
Pulling in a breath, Daniel shook his head. He let his arms drop, put his back against the wall and squared off against them, and Jack's instincts fired to start pounding on the guy before this went too far. Daniel gave a shrug. “I understand your viewpoint. That you agree with the military's ideas. But I don't share it.”
Jack stood. “Daniel, will you leave the damn military out of it? This is about us-you and us. Your team.”
“No, Jack. This is about your team. You're not my anything. That point's been made.”
Hands flexing open and closed, Jack wanted to throttle the guy. He took a step, stopped and ran his hands through his hair instead of putting them on Daniel. Then he looked at the man to take in the hunched shoulders-the guy was pulling back again. But that wasn't happening.
Ignoring Teal'c, Jack stepped forward. “Daniel, why do you think you're even on this team?”
Startled, Daniel lifted an empty hand. “Uhm...well...”
“You think I asked for Carter and Teal'c, but you fast-talked your way in and I didn't have a say?”
“Well-” Eyebrows pulled tight, Daniel's mouth opened. For a minute nothing came out, then he asked, voice lifting with disbelief, “You asked for me?”
“Yes, Daniel. Despite appearances, I am more than a pretty face around here. Hammond and I oversaw the disposition of all teams. I asked for you-god knows why right now. And I insisted on Teal'c. Carter-well, Hammond already had her name on my list but he's always had better judgment.”
“Sir!”
“Hey, I would've asked, Carter. And what is this-Pee-Wee League choose-up sides?”
She ducked her head, hiding both a faint smile and that worry still in those wide eyes. “Sorry, sir.”
Jack glanced around at his team. How did he finish patching this? Oh, hell-Daniel was partly right. Jack had overlooked one thing; Daniel picked up on stuff. Way too much when he was paying attention. He had one of the best bullshit detectors Jack had ever seen-hell, that thin-skin had to be good for something. Of course, Daniel made mistakes with it, but it was one reason the guy could dish it out like an artist.
And Daniel had been picking up on too many details here: that Jack had been thinking of his team, had put too much focus on getting Daniel back in line. Daniel still hadn't really heard what that crack about the medal meant, and hadn't figured out that a huge chunk of this was about trying to get Daniel to realize he had more than back-stabbing Maybournes around.
“Okay-we're starting this all over. They were wrong. Totally. And it was the wrong thing to do. Bunch of bozos!”
#
Daniel pulled in a breath and shook his head. He didn't want this to happen. And he knew it was hopeless. These people wouldn't let him keep barriers-they pounded them down, or in Jack's case just ignored them.
He glanced around and took in the wordless looks being offered. There was concern here. And care. They should have been avoiding him after what he'd done, how he'd slapped everything back in their faces. He'd intentionally hurt them, and they should not be trying to repair the breach he'd tried to force. God, he was never going to get any kind of distance from these people.
And then he remembered everything else he'd left hanging. “I have to go.”
He turned for the doorway, but Sam and Teal'c moved into his path, forcing him back a step. And then Jack was at his side. “Daniel? Just what the hell's going to make you okay enough with this that you'll stay put with us?”
“Thai food.”
Face blanked into startled surprise, Jack stared at him. And Daniel realized how that must have sounded. “Uhm, not to...just that...well, I owe someone...”
He trailed off as Sam and Teal'c swapped worried glances, and he didn't see any understanding on Jack's face. He also realized that his take-out had never shown up that evening, and it really should have, so Maybourne must have interfered with that along with the rest of Daniel's life. Right now that was one thing too much and too irritating. But he rushing into a stammered explanation about all of this and he hated that he was already right back to where he always was with Jack.
“I, uhm, didn't pay Siam House the other night when...” He let the words trail again into a gesture, couldn't bring himself to say the rest of it. What did he call it, anyway? When Maybourne had hijacked his dinner and left him with more truth than he’d wanted?
He was still left a clear idea of what the military thought of him. They didn't even care if that was kept a secret from him. But the idea was forming that he had three people here-maybe four-who thought enough of him to put up with his crap. Who cared enough to fight with him for what was right-and maybe even fight for him. They wouldn't have done this if his place here didn't matter, and he was both shocked and pleased, and a little worried. He had no idea what to do now.
Jack wasn't looking too sure about anything either. “Siam House?” he asked.
“Yeah-and I think, well, I'm not sure if I'm on their black list now.”
“I dunno. Show up with a few friends, run up a big tab, drop an enormous tip, they might not be the only ones who find it in 'em to overlook some stuff.”
Sam flashed one of her sun-bright smiles. “I could go for Thai.”
“Thai sounds most agreeable,” Teal'c added, voice rumbling, making the words into more of an order than a comment.
Since they were blocking the doorway, it didn't seem likely that he was getting anywhere without them, and maybe he did owe them at least a meal. Then he looked at Jack. “How is it that I get reamed by the Air Force and end up buying?”
“It's a gift of yours. But you really want to put some of those government dollars to work, fund a scholarship. If you can't give them intel, give 'em what you can.”
Frowning, Daniel started to list reasons why his reputation should not be associated with funding for anything. Then he thought that if he put this out there in his parents' name and made it anonymous, as if it came from one of their colleagues... “You know, that might not be such a bad idea.”
“I do have a few. Like you're buying. I'll drive.”
Jack started forward, but Daniel keep his ground. “I'm not really sure I agreed to any of this.”
“Oh, you did. And if we're going to do the rest of this, it's going to be over decent food-aren't you always ragging on how we have to eat with the locals? Besides, Siam House isn't the only one you owe.”
Jack gave a nod to the doorway, and Daniel glanced at Sam and Teal'c, and he knew then just how much he did owe them for making this kind of effort. Then he glanced back to Jack.
Jack caught the unspoken question, offered back a cryptic, “Not here, Daniel. More the other way 'round.”
Frowning, biting the inside of his lower lip, he wasn't sure what to say about that. But he could see Jack's side of it. He understood now why Jack had fought with everything to avoid this kind of capitulation. It went against Jack's beliefs to make this kind of compromise. This had to go against military training, as well, and against Jack's instincts to dominate.
A fraction of a smile lifted the corners of Jack's mouth, got wiped fast, then Jack grabbed his shoulder, pressed hard before he let go and looked over at the others. “You two waiting for engraved invitations? Move it, people. Or don't any of you know an order when you hear it?”
“Yes, sir.” Sam nodded, flashed another smile, but concern leaked out from behind her eyes before she strode out. Teal'c gave a bow and followed her.
Daniel frowned at the now empty doorway. “Jack, there's something...one thing more.” He winced at the idea of doing this, but better to get this out, so everyone did know where they all stood.
“Daniel, you got the damn apology-not that it means spit.”
Pulling in a breath, Daniel nodded. “Yes, but what I want is to release information from the program. Share it.”
Jack was staring at him again, just like he had after that mention of Thai food, so Daniel took full advantage of the quiet before the yelling started again. “I mean, why can't we put out information that would logically come out of deep space telemetry research? Isn't that the program's cover? Other government agencies have a process to evaluate and declassify material, and there's got to be some physics stuff Sam knows how to structure to be credible as part of that story. And I still have a few contacts. I could just drop clues-hint at theories. Leave it to others to find the evidence that's here and write the papers. A lot of archeology is really about pointing someone to the right place to dig.”
Jack had started shaking his head, had his mouth flattened thin. He shook his head once more, then started, “Daniel-”
He broke off the words and Daniel braced for the fight. It didn't come. Jack shrugged, gave in, and looked pretty well pissed about that. “Fine, if this is what it takes. I'll talk to Hammond-but that's all. I told you-no promises.”
The knot between Daniel's shoulders uncoiled, and for the first time in days he could pull in a breath and not feel it press hard against his breastbone. No promises-that meant anything Jack had promised, would promise, would be kept. That also meant he hadn't lied and wouldn't lie about not having been in that meeting.
Jack really hadn’t been there.
Looking down, Daniel knew he'd made a mistake here-a big one. He forced himself to look up and meet Jack's stare. “I should have just come to you right off and had it out with you.”
“Like that would have been better? And we could have both said things we'd really regret, then walked around like strangers for a few weeks? Oh, yeah, that would've been fun.”
“I could have had more faith in you.”
Jack offered back a glare. “Yeah, you could have.” He looked ready to add more, and Daniel braced for that lecture he'd been expecting ever since he'd seen Jack waiting for him. Except Jack's face softened, and the man shook his head. “Or not. Daniel, back then, there wasn't much I gave a damn about. An academic...wouldn't have meant much. Some speech would have meant less. Given all that, not sure where you should have put any kind of faith.”
“I am. Now. Thank you.”
“For what?”
“Being honest. I can live with that. I can even live with working with people who don't like me very much. I have before.”
Jack shook his head, started pushing Daniel out of his office. “No, you can't. Not well. Ah, damn, this is so going to come back and bite my ass someday.”
“What?” Daniel shook his head, then realized the implications of that. “You think I'd use this-”
“To pound on me for why we can't shut up some other guy. Oh, yeah.”
“It'd hardly be fair to draw comparisons between-”
“Fair? That'd stop you from saying wrong once is still wrong?”
Daniel stiffened. “I wouldn't-”
“Not even if it's really, really important? If someone's going to get hurt out of it?”
Daniel kept walking, but he allowed himself to be nudged down the hall by Jack's elbow. And he had to admit to the truth in the accusation, so he couldn't really argue.
Flashing a tight smile, Jack nodded. “Uh huh. That's what I thought. Come on, I think we can wait for that next time to hash this out.”
“You sure about that?”
“No, Daniel. But I think we can all be sure about one thing. Maybourne's gonna hate the next few months of his life.”
“Really?”
“Hammond saw to it. So did I.” He stopped, turned Daniel in the hall, put both his hands on Daniel's shoulder. “You've got friends in high places now, Daniel. Don't forget that. Or I will let Carter give you that something to be sorry about.”
Warmth spread out from Jack's hands and settled into him. For a man who'd just had his health threatened, for someone who'd been through a hellish few days, he had no right to feel this good. He tried for a smile and almost found it. “You sure I can't talk you into buying?”
“After the meals I've missed over this? Just try. But you might guilt Carter into it. She thinks she shouldn't have let you go off like that-as if she had a prayer of stopping you.”
With a frown, Daniel slanted a glance over at Jack. “Did I really get in trouble for accessing files I shouldn't?”
“No, Daniel, you got in trouble for being a damn pain about everything. As usual.”
“Ah.”
Jack stopped again. “What?”
Daniel frowned. “Well, are there any other secret files I should know about? I mean, is this going to happen again?”
With a shrug, Jack waved a hand. “Around here, who knows. Now are you going to change before we go or you going like that?”
Daniel smoothed a hand down the front of his uniform. He felt as if he'd just gotten back into it, as if taking it off might jeopardize what seemed a fragile truce. “I'll wear this, if you don't mind.”
“Suit yourself. You're entitled. Just lose the patches. I'm not up to explaining about deep space anything today.”
With a nod, he fell into step with Jack on the way to the elevator. He wasn't up to any more lies, either. And that had him frowning, worried again.
“What?” Jack's voice, sharp and short, pulled him out of his thoughts.
Daniel listed a quick set of excuses he could offer, then gave that up, too. “What if I have to stop someone someday from saying something about the Stargate program? What if I'm asked to-well, do something like this?”
“Daniel, can we have two hours-no, just one hour--without you...”
“Without me, what? Questioning things?” Looking away, Daniel shook his head.
“Daniel, it's just I'm not up to any more late nights and trying to stay a step ahead of you right now.”
Surprised, Daniel glanced at the man next to him. Late nights-missed meals? He hadn't thought-and then he factored in the drawn look on Sam's face, the worry in Teal'c's eyes. He hadn't thought they'd be this upset. He'd figured they'd be angry at the fracture within the team and more than pissed at him, but there was far more going on here.
That was a disturbing idea.
He wasn't used to having people worry about him. It stirred a slight sense of...claustrophobia. And it left him wanting to push back just to see how tight these people would hang on. But he was aware that was supposed to be a phase you went through in your early teens to establish your own role as an adult in society. What was he-a really late bloomer here?
Or just trapped?
Sam and Teal'c joined them, both in street clothes now and both crowding him. Oddly, that backed down the cloying sense of being caught somehow. There weren't demands being made for him to conform-no, they'd done the opposite. They'd gone out of their way to accommodate him. To allow room for his ideas. While he might not fit in here entirely, they weren't doing what he'd expected. They'd stopped trying to shove him, and had instead asked, in their own ways, for him to show some tolerance and understanding.
It was remarkable-and he didn't fully understand it.
But with Sam bumping into him, starting into a story about trying to reach him over the past couple of days, and Teal'c looming close, and Jack complaining now about Sam spilling too much, he realized he might learn to like this. In fact, he could learn to like this a lot.
Sha're for his career.
The idea struck fresh as it had yesterday, cut like a blade that got sharper with use. He drove blindly, following a straight highway that took him nowhere until his eyes wouldn't stay open. He found another motel, stopped, put the cost of a bed on a credit card, then fell into suffocating dreams.
Nagada, the dry sands of Abydos, Sha're smiling at him, reaching for him, Ra's pyramid, Jack standing in front of the Stargate, telling him he had to come back. He woke with a start, blinking into darkness. Breathing hard, he got up and went to the bathroom to splash water on the cold sweat. Then he sat in the darkness to stare at a moon-washed sky and a too-bright motel sign.
He needed a sign, he thought, but he hadn't found one in this desert. He was wandering and aimless. His life had made sense on Abydos-and he'd been making sense of it within the structure he'd been rebuilding. But that seemed about as solid as a sand castle right now. Truth was, maybe he was just someone destined to always push until everything fell apart.
Restless, he dressed, checked out, drove until he found a small café with coffee that could melt a spoon and food made more for its ability to stick to your ribs than for taste. He ate, bought a map, picked a place at random and headed for the ruins of Canyon de Chelly. As he hiked over the rough trails, it struck him that all the assumptions about the Anasazi were wrong.
The general belief was drought or natural catastrophe had led them to abandon their homes. But as he stared at the cliff dwellings, built to hide a people, it seemed pretty obvious they'd been threatened by something. He thought of the myths of these people and wondered what false god had swept them away.
How many other cultures had been raided to the point of collapse and extinction? Reduced to so few survivors that the civilization slipped backwards? It wasn't a new story, but he had some ability now to do something about it.
Turning from the ruins, he walked back to his car, keeping to the trails. Damn it, the military might not want him around, but they had him. And they were going to get his help no matter what. He'd go back and...
And, oh, hell.
Had his suspension started on the day he'd come in late or the next-was he due back tomorrow or the day after?
He should call and ask, but who could he talk to now? Hammond? Jack? Would Jack even take his call? Or Sam or Teal'c? He'd done his best to put distance there, so he didn't see any of them wanting to talk to him now. He let out a long breath at that thought and had the edges of that black mood creeping back.
Climbing into his car, he started driving again. He turned north and split the difference.
He got back to the mountain in time to either be half a day early or half a day late, and went in with belligerent aggression, daring anyone to throw him out again.
He didn't get any stares, so he assumed there wasn't a standing order for his detention. And they didn't stop him from entering, so he assumed he was late, not early and still banned.
He kept his head down after that and didn't look up at any checkpoint. He changed fast in an empty locker room, put on a uniform with reluctant distaste, and thought back to when he'd returned from Abydos. Déjà vu.
He hadn't known anyone then-except Jack. And he was supposed to have been dead, and no one had seemed all that happy it was otherwise. Of course, they'd been dealing with their own dead and wounded. He'd caught a few looks, narrowed eyes and mouths pulled tight, and he'd decided a few people held him responsible. There'd been cause for that since he'd opened the 'gate-more unwilling exchanges he’d made. And here he was again, trying to blend and not doing a good job of it.
He made it to his office and hoped he'd have a few minutes to himself.
But, of course, Jack was waiting.
#
Jack glanced up, saw Daniel step in and watched the man's defenses slam into place. The guy looked down and away, and there wasn't an ounce of ease like there should be after three days downtime. The long hair hung limp and dull around a pale face. The shadows under his eyes had deepened and he moved as if he'd slept bad or spent too long in a car. Jack knew Daniel had done both of those things.
The frown tightened on Daniel's face as he came a step closer. He turned and pushed at one of the bits of something sprawled on his lab table, then let out a breath. “You were right,” he said, dragging out the words like they were foot-long thorns. He looked up and it wasn't anger in his eyes, but there was something lurking behind the glasses. Then he added, “Sha're was worth anything. Everything.”
Jack looked away. Ah, damn. So this was how it went-he was right, Daniel was wrong. He'd won. Then he had to look back because the skin on the back of his neck prickled and tension still hung in the room like just before the vortex exploded from the Stargate.
Daniel pushed off from the table to face him, and the blast Jack was expecting hit in a soft, rapid-fire voice. “But what was done was wrong. I can't condone that. I won't. I understand about secrets-I'm not qualified to judge anything about what gets released. But it's not right to go around destroying careers without even a warning. And if that is the official policy, then it's time for some kind of changes, because I won't participate in knee-jerk paranoia. So you can do whatever you need to-throw me back into a cell or whatever. I'm still not going to say I agree with the excuse that it was necessary or justified.”
Jack met and matched that stare. And he saw he was going to just keep getting grief on this-Daniel had that obstinate tilt to his head. “Crap, I hate when Carter's this right.”
Daniel's eyebrows lifted high, and Jack knew he'd muttered the words. Wasn't this a great start back to everything when they were both supposed to have had time off enough to cool their jets.
Daniel just kept staring at him, so Jack did what you did when you went into a tailspin; he went with it and pushed to power out again. “I wasn't there.”
That blue-eyed stare flickered away, then came back. Daniel’s lips parted as if he was about to say something, but no words came out. He just stood there, his forehead bunched into deep lines. Behind the glasses, confusion flooded his eyes.
Jack gunned it before his brain could catch up with his mouth. “Yeah, I know. Could be lying, probably am, except my first choice is always to tell Maybourne where he can stuff his cloak and his dagger.”
Daniel's eyebrows flattened, then lifted in the center, and he started blinking like he was trying to reorder everything in his head; Jack had his first spurt of real hope out of that.
“What you said...about a medal?” Daniel asked, the words slow as he dredged the memory up from wherever he'd stuffed it. Daniel didn't ever forget much of anything, but Jack knew the man's office reflected just how Daniel organized things in his own head-unique and god help anyone trying to get to anything.
“Yeah? Should've known you wouldn't hear that part of it. You better damn well hear this. Something like this, if I had been there, it's a helluva a lot less work to just explain the words ‘national’ and ‘security’ to someone. And if that hadn't done it with you back then, I'd have let Catherine show you her rocks-you'd have forgotten you ever had a speech to give.”
The eyebrows lifted high and Jack wondered how it was that Daniel could make him feel like he was ten and late with his homework. “You didn't know me then.” The icy tone implied Jack still didn't know, but Jack did.
“Books, Daniel. You showed up with a suitcase of 'em. Doesn't take a brain like Carter's to figure out the obvious from that.”
And thank god that had Daniel frowning again and looking uncertain, meaning the man was at least not shutting down like he'd been about to after that 'done wrong' lecture. “Why are you telling me this now?”
Jack lifted a hand and kept the throttle open since he wasn't nose up yet. “Because Carter told me to. And Teal'c backed her. What-you think I don't listen to my team?”
Daniel's eyebrows flew high again, and the look on his face said everything sarcastic about what he wasn't saying. Then he took that snooty tone that always got under Jack's skin. “Am I supposed to construe this to be some kind of apology?”
Jack pulled in a breath, forced himself to at least count to four. That's as far as he could get before he had to get an answer slapped back at Daniel. “You can construe it's a sock, I don't care. But you better fit in there that there's going to be another time we have to shut someone up about this.”
“Not like...not without a real need.”
“Not making promises.”
“So no one really regrets anything other than that the information reached me?”
“What else would I regret? That Maybourne didn't just want you gone-he wanted you?”
“What?”
“Daniel, will you...I told you. Medal? As in for getting us you? We're not the only ones who think stuff like that. And notice I didn't say where we ought to pin it.”
Daniel's confusion had gone full blown and he reached for a chair. He sat down, propped his elbows on his knees and put his head in his hands. Jack edged closer but left him to it-about time Daniel got over those blinders he put on about hearing anything good about himself.
Finally, Daniel sat up again. “What?”
Jack edged another step nearer to the guy. He was going to take it as a good sign that Daniel didn't stiffen like he expected to be shot. “It wasn't just payback. Maybourne was workin' an angle to come out with more than he had going in.”
Daniel’s face tightened with a grimace. “Making me realize the military has no respect for my work was supposed to make me want to work for some other division of it?”
“Hey, Maybourne thought Omac was the sharing type, so I'm not seeing much of a strategic thinker there.”
“You are.” Daniel stood and his eyes narrowed. “Just how is this suspension going to show up on my paycheck?”
Stuffing his hands into his pockets, Jack rocked onto his toes. He didn't see any point to an evasion. “Didn't say you went without pay, did I?”
“So what-it was supposed to be a vacation?”
“Did it feel like one?”
Daniel gave a rude snort that wasn't a laugh and sure as hell wasn't attractive, but Jack didn't let it lure him into adding anything more. Putting in the paperwork for those days off had at least kept Daniel's overnight walkabout under the official Pentagon radar. No way was Jack giving Maybourne, or any of his pals, anything else he could use here. “You really care about that?” Jack asked.
With a shake of his head, Daniel turned. He put his hands on his lab table, fingers spread wide, leaned on it. “Doesn't matter what I care about, does it?”
“Dunno. Seems that's all that does matter sometimes. But you have to know, stepping back with us means we lie about this program. That doesn't change.”
“What does? But if those laws of compensation are working, what do I get for leaving any ethical sensibility at the door?”
“That's not-Daniel, you lose one thing, there's a space open. Something's gotta fill it. If you're lucky, it's good. If not, well, you toss it back and keep trolling. But this...this isn't that kind of choice.”
Shoulders slumping, Daniel didn't answer, so Jack stepped close, put a hand on the man. Daniel didn't shake him off and that was enough-that sign at last that he'd give. “Daniel, it only feels like you against the world.”
Daniel looked up at that, eyes troubled, but wide and looking for the truth-just like always. Jack gestured to the doorway then, to Carter and Teal'c who'd stepped in and had kept quiet and were waiting. Daniel stiffened, and Jack thought the guy might try to bolt on them again. But Daniel started to open his mouth, and Jack could guess what was coming.
Carter could, too, because she was in front of the man before a word spilled with a finger pointed at him. “Daniel, if I hear one word of apology about this, I will seriously give you something to be sorry for. You were doing what you thought was right.”
“Indeed. As was everyone, Daniel Jackson.”
Daniel stared to shake his head, but Teal'c locked his hands behind his back and stepped forward, taking up every inch of breathing space available. Jack let him since that much looming had shut Daniel up. “Daniel Jackson, a great injustice was done to you. We are all agreed upon that.” Teal'c glanced around. Carter nodded. Jack offered a shrug that could mean anything-what else was he going to do? He rolled a hand, giving Teal'c the go to keep on wherever this was headed.
“We cannot correct past events. Nor, as O'Neill has said, can we offer assurance such circumstances might not reoccur. You, however, will be committing an equal injustice if you judge us to be culpable merely though association.”
Daniel slanted a look at Carter, then looked away. “Actually, that wasn't the only criteria. Or what I-”
“Daniel, if you'd let me talk with you about-”
“Enough!”
Teal'c's voice boomed, startling Carter and Daniel into silence. Jack started to say something, but a dark look from Teal'c had him zipping it and putting his complaint into a hard look instead. Jack gave the look back. Would've been nice if you'd thought to do this a couple days ago!
Teal'c lifted one eyebrow, which pretty much dismissed there being any wisdom in that idea, and turned back to Daniel. “Have we not, with our efforts with the Tollan and others, demonstrated our commitment to the belief that some circumstances supersede the discipline necessary within a strong fighting unit?”
Daniel looked away, shook his head. “That's not what this is about.”
“Well, then, what the hell is it?”
“O'Neill!” The word came out a low growl.
Jack lifted his hands high and wide. “Fine-you do this!” He turned, stalked away, threw himself into Daniel's office chair and left Teal'c to it. The guy couldn't possibly mess this up any worse than it was.
Teal’c faced Daniel again. “Daniel Jackson, you trust us to support the best interests of others as we have with the Tollan. But you do not trust us to seek what is in your best interests. You believe it is to SG-1 that we owe the strongest allegiance, and that supersedes the value of any individual.”
With his eyebrows wanting to crawl off his forehead, Jack stared at Teal'c. Was that it? Daniel saw this as only being about keeping the team intact, with nothing in there about trying to pull Daniel off that high ledge he'd climbed up onto? Crap, no wonder it'd gone bad.
He stood, started to say something, but Teal'c shot him another of those dark stares, and Jack stopped everything. Hell of a team he had, what with one of them looking ready to thump him and another walled off like he had his own titanium shield in place. Carter just had a bright-eyed stare on Daniel as if she had hot tears too close to the surface-or was going to tackle him if he made a move to leave.
Daniel didn't move. He also wasn't meeting anyone's stare. He had his arms folded and didn't answer. He looked about as miserable as anyone could. Finally, he just nodded. “I don't blame you. Any of you. It's not only your training, there's extensive socialization and cultural imperatives behind the impulses to put the group first. You do belong here, and you work hard at fitting into the military structure. It's just...well, I...it's...I can't help but think the group is actually stronger when the individuals within are treated with respect for their unique abilities and skills. I didn't-I thought...”
Pulling in a breath, Daniel shook his head. He let his arms drop, put his back against the wall and squared off against them, and Jack's instincts fired to start pounding on the guy before this went too far. Daniel gave a shrug. “I understand your viewpoint. That you agree with the military's ideas. But I don't share it.”
Jack stood. “Daniel, will you leave the damn military out of it? This is about us-you and us. Your team.”
“No, Jack. This is about your team. You're not my anything. That point's been made.”
Hands flexing open and closed, Jack wanted to throttle the guy. He took a step, stopped and ran his hands through his hair instead of putting them on Daniel. Then he looked at the man to take in the hunched shoulders-the guy was pulling back again. But that wasn't happening.
Ignoring Teal'c, Jack stepped forward. “Daniel, why do you think you're even on this team?”
Startled, Daniel lifted an empty hand. “Uhm...well...”
“You think I asked for Carter and Teal'c, but you fast-talked your way in and I didn't have a say?”
“Well-” Eyebrows pulled tight, Daniel's mouth opened. For a minute nothing came out, then he asked, voice lifting with disbelief, “You asked for me?”
“Yes, Daniel. Despite appearances, I am more than a pretty face around here. Hammond and I oversaw the disposition of all teams. I asked for you-god knows why right now. And I insisted on Teal'c. Carter-well, Hammond already had her name on my list but he's always had better judgment.”
“Sir!”
“Hey, I would've asked, Carter. And what is this-Pee-Wee League choose-up sides?”
She ducked her head, hiding both a faint smile and that worry still in those wide eyes. “Sorry, sir.”
Jack glanced around at his team. How did he finish patching this? Oh, hell-Daniel was partly right. Jack had overlooked one thing; Daniel picked up on stuff. Way too much when he was paying attention. He had one of the best bullshit detectors Jack had ever seen-hell, that thin-skin had to be good for something. Of course, Daniel made mistakes with it, but it was one reason the guy could dish it out like an artist.
And Daniel had been picking up on too many details here: that Jack had been thinking of his team, had put too much focus on getting Daniel back in line. Daniel still hadn't really heard what that crack about the medal meant, and hadn't figured out that a huge chunk of this was about trying to get Daniel to realize he had more than back-stabbing Maybournes around.
“Okay-we're starting this all over. They were wrong. Totally. And it was the wrong thing to do. Bunch of bozos!”
#
Daniel pulled in a breath and shook his head. He didn't want this to happen. And he knew it was hopeless. These people wouldn't let him keep barriers-they pounded them down, or in Jack's case just ignored them.
He glanced around and took in the wordless looks being offered. There was concern here. And care. They should have been avoiding him after what he'd done, how he'd slapped everything back in their faces. He'd intentionally hurt them, and they should not be trying to repair the breach he'd tried to force. God, he was never going to get any kind of distance from these people.
And then he remembered everything else he'd left hanging. “I have to go.”
He turned for the doorway, but Sam and Teal'c moved into his path, forcing him back a step. And then Jack was at his side. “Daniel? Just what the hell's going to make you okay enough with this that you'll stay put with us?”
“Thai food.”
Face blanked into startled surprise, Jack stared at him. And Daniel realized how that must have sounded. “Uhm, not to...just that...well, I owe someone...”
He trailed off as Sam and Teal'c swapped worried glances, and he didn't see any understanding on Jack's face. He also realized that his take-out had never shown up that evening, and it really should have, so Maybourne must have interfered with that along with the rest of Daniel's life. Right now that was one thing too much and too irritating. But he rushing into a stammered explanation about all of this and he hated that he was already right back to where he always was with Jack.
“I, uhm, didn't pay Siam House the other night when...” He let the words trail again into a gesture, couldn't bring himself to say the rest of it. What did he call it, anyway? When Maybourne had hijacked his dinner and left him with more truth than he’d wanted?
He was still left a clear idea of what the military thought of him. They didn't even care if that was kept a secret from him. But the idea was forming that he had three people here-maybe four-who thought enough of him to put up with his crap. Who cared enough to fight with him for what was right-and maybe even fight for him. They wouldn't have done this if his place here didn't matter, and he was both shocked and pleased, and a little worried. He had no idea what to do now.
Jack wasn't looking too sure about anything either. “Siam House?” he asked.
“Yeah-and I think, well, I'm not sure if I'm on their black list now.”
“I dunno. Show up with a few friends, run up a big tab, drop an enormous tip, they might not be the only ones who find it in 'em to overlook some stuff.”
Sam flashed one of her sun-bright smiles. “I could go for Thai.”
“Thai sounds most agreeable,” Teal'c added, voice rumbling, making the words into more of an order than a comment.
Since they were blocking the doorway, it didn't seem likely that he was getting anywhere without them, and maybe he did owe them at least a meal. Then he looked at Jack. “How is it that I get reamed by the Air Force and end up buying?”
“It's a gift of yours. But you really want to put some of those government dollars to work, fund a scholarship. If you can't give them intel, give 'em what you can.”
Frowning, Daniel started to list reasons why his reputation should not be associated with funding for anything. Then he thought that if he put this out there in his parents' name and made it anonymous, as if it came from one of their colleagues... “You know, that might not be such a bad idea.”
“I do have a few. Like you're buying. I'll drive.”
Jack started forward, but Daniel keep his ground. “I'm not really sure I agreed to any of this.”
“Oh, you did. And if we're going to do the rest of this, it's going to be over decent food-aren't you always ragging on how we have to eat with the locals? Besides, Siam House isn't the only one you owe.”
Jack gave a nod to the doorway, and Daniel glanced at Sam and Teal'c, and he knew then just how much he did owe them for making this kind of effort. Then he glanced back to Jack.
Jack caught the unspoken question, offered back a cryptic, “Not here, Daniel. More the other way 'round.”
Frowning, biting the inside of his lower lip, he wasn't sure what to say about that. But he could see Jack's side of it. He understood now why Jack had fought with everything to avoid this kind of capitulation. It went against Jack's beliefs to make this kind of compromise. This had to go against military training, as well, and against Jack's instincts to dominate.
A fraction of a smile lifted the corners of Jack's mouth, got wiped fast, then Jack grabbed his shoulder, pressed hard before he let go and looked over at the others. “You two waiting for engraved invitations? Move it, people. Or don't any of you know an order when you hear it?”
“Yes, sir.” Sam nodded, flashed another smile, but concern leaked out from behind her eyes before she strode out. Teal'c gave a bow and followed her.
Daniel frowned at the now empty doorway. “Jack, there's something...one thing more.” He winced at the idea of doing this, but better to get this out, so everyone did know where they all stood.
“Daniel, you got the damn apology-not that it means spit.”
Pulling in a breath, Daniel nodded. “Yes, but what I want is to release information from the program. Share it.”
Jack was staring at him again, just like he had after that mention of Thai food, so Daniel took full advantage of the quiet before the yelling started again. “I mean, why can't we put out information that would logically come out of deep space telemetry research? Isn't that the program's cover? Other government agencies have a process to evaluate and declassify material, and there's got to be some physics stuff Sam knows how to structure to be credible as part of that story. And I still have a few contacts. I could just drop clues-hint at theories. Leave it to others to find the evidence that's here and write the papers. A lot of archeology is really about pointing someone to the right place to dig.”
Jack had started shaking his head, had his mouth flattened thin. He shook his head once more, then started, “Daniel-”
He broke off the words and Daniel braced for the fight. It didn't come. Jack shrugged, gave in, and looked pretty well pissed about that. “Fine, if this is what it takes. I'll talk to Hammond-but that's all. I told you-no promises.”
The knot between Daniel's shoulders uncoiled, and for the first time in days he could pull in a breath and not feel it press hard against his breastbone. No promises-that meant anything Jack had promised, would promise, would be kept. That also meant he hadn't lied and wouldn't lie about not having been in that meeting.
Jack really hadn’t been there.
Looking down, Daniel knew he'd made a mistake here-a big one. He forced himself to look up and meet Jack's stare. “I should have just come to you right off and had it out with you.”
“Like that would have been better? And we could have both said things we'd really regret, then walked around like strangers for a few weeks? Oh, yeah, that would've been fun.”
“I could have had more faith in you.”
Jack offered back a glare. “Yeah, you could have.” He looked ready to add more, and Daniel braced for that lecture he'd been expecting ever since he'd seen Jack waiting for him. Except Jack's face softened, and the man shook his head. “Or not. Daniel, back then, there wasn't much I gave a damn about. An academic...wouldn't have meant much. Some speech would have meant less. Given all that, not sure where you should have put any kind of faith.”
“I am. Now. Thank you.”
“For what?”
“Being honest. I can live with that. I can even live with working with people who don't like me very much. I have before.”
Jack shook his head, started pushing Daniel out of his office. “No, you can't. Not well. Ah, damn, this is so going to come back and bite my ass someday.”
“What?” Daniel shook his head, then realized the implications of that. “You think I'd use this-”
“To pound on me for why we can't shut up some other guy. Oh, yeah.”
“It'd hardly be fair to draw comparisons between-”
“Fair? That'd stop you from saying wrong once is still wrong?”
Daniel stiffened. “I wouldn't-”
“Not even if it's really, really important? If someone's going to get hurt out of it?”
Daniel kept walking, but he allowed himself to be nudged down the hall by Jack's elbow. And he had to admit to the truth in the accusation, so he couldn't really argue.
Flashing a tight smile, Jack nodded. “Uh huh. That's what I thought. Come on, I think we can wait for that next time to hash this out.”
“You sure about that?”
“No, Daniel. But I think we can all be sure about one thing. Maybourne's gonna hate the next few months of his life.”
“Really?”
“Hammond saw to it. So did I.” He stopped, turned Daniel in the hall, put both his hands on Daniel's shoulder. “You've got friends in high places now, Daniel. Don't forget that. Or I will let Carter give you that something to be sorry about.”
Warmth spread out from Jack's hands and settled into him. For a man who'd just had his health threatened, for someone who'd been through a hellish few days, he had no right to feel this good. He tried for a smile and almost found it. “You sure I can't talk you into buying?”
“After the meals I've missed over this? Just try. But you might guilt Carter into it. She thinks she shouldn't have let you go off like that-as if she had a prayer of stopping you.”
With a frown, Daniel slanted a glance over at Jack. “Did I really get in trouble for accessing files I shouldn't?”
“No, Daniel, you got in trouble for being a damn pain about everything. As usual.”
“Ah.”
Jack stopped again. “What?”
Daniel frowned. “Well, are there any other secret files I should know about? I mean, is this going to happen again?”
With a shrug, Jack waved a hand. “Around here, who knows. Now are you going to change before we go or you going like that?”
Daniel smoothed a hand down the front of his uniform. He felt as if he'd just gotten back into it, as if taking it off might jeopardize what seemed a fragile truce. “I'll wear this, if you don't mind.”
“Suit yourself. You're entitled. Just lose the patches. I'm not up to explaining about deep space anything today.”
With a nod, he fell into step with Jack on the way to the elevator. He wasn't up to any more lies, either. And that had him frowning, worried again.
“What?” Jack's voice, sharp and short, pulled him out of his thoughts.
Daniel listed a quick set of excuses he could offer, then gave that up, too. “What if I have to stop someone someday from saying something about the Stargate program? What if I'm asked to-well, do something like this?”
“Daniel, can we have two hours-no, just one hour--without you...”
“Without me, what? Questioning things?” Looking away, Daniel shook his head.
“Daniel, it's just I'm not up to any more late nights and trying to stay a step ahead of you right now.”
Surprised, Daniel glanced at the man next to him. Late nights-missed meals? He hadn't thought-and then he factored in the drawn look on Sam's face, the worry in Teal'c's eyes. He hadn't thought they'd be this upset. He'd figured they'd be angry at the fracture within the team and more than pissed at him, but there was far more going on here.
That was a disturbing idea.
He wasn't used to having people worry about him. It stirred a slight sense of...claustrophobia. And it left him wanting to push back just to see how tight these people would hang on. But he was aware that was supposed to be a phase you went through in your early teens to establish your own role as an adult in society. What was he-a really late bloomer here?
Or just trapped?
Sam and Teal'c joined them, both in street clothes now and both crowding him. Oddly, that backed down the cloying sense of being caught somehow. There weren't demands being made for him to conform-no, they'd done the opposite. They'd gone out of their way to accommodate him. To allow room for his ideas. While he might not fit in here entirely, they weren't doing what he'd expected. They'd stopped trying to shove him, and had instead asked, in their own ways, for him to show some tolerance and understanding.
It was remarkable-and he didn't fully understand it.
But with Sam bumping into him, starting into a story about trying to reach him over the past couple of days, and Teal'c looming close, and Jack complaining now about Sam spilling too much, he realized he might learn to like this. In fact, he could learn to like this a lot.