Only Misplaced - Part 3
Only Misplaced - Part 3
"The bashaak of a guide is not pleasant."
"Bashaak? Instruction?"
"Training. A Jaffa's bashaak starts when he is a child. For a guide-"
"Yes, I know. You said guides are taken from the local populace. You find some guy who seems to know something and you put him in a uniform, which, when you think about it, does sound a little like what they've done with me. But I offered. And it's not like Jack's given me a crash course. Well, mostly not, at least not with, uh, more crash than course."
"For a guide, training is short and painful."
"And, yet-knowing that, you still did what Jack asked. Or what you thought he was asking. That's not a bad thing. It's kind of reassuring. It shows you will do what Jack says-not that Jack's always right. But he tries to keep the people with him alive. If he can. And he's at least...well, Jack's mellowed a little. But there tends to be a certain kind of thinking associated with the military on our world. And it seems to relation to that whole idea of training-conditioning predictable responses. As if that's such a good idea."
"It is necessary. In battle, there is little time for thought. But this has little to do with the topic of which I speak."
"Which was?" Daniel asked and he was still hoping like hell he could get Teal'c off the topic. He'd really like to forget the whole training thing, along with too many other things.
He could still picture Teal'c's expression-the quick, subtle shifts on his face as he'd listened to Jack's instructions, and the abrupt blanking.
One second Daniel had been facing Teal'c. The next-Teal'c had swung his staff, swept Daniel's feet out, swung the staff around again and activated it. And acidic ozone had scorched the air in front of Daniel's face.
Rubbing the tip of his nose, he remembered how a spark had jumped from the sizzling tip of the staff weapon to tingle on his skin like sunburn. Teal'c had started to yell orders at Daniel even as Jack had yelled, 'What the hell?'
It hadn't taken long to get Teal’c’s weapon put away, but it had taken time to sort out that the Jaffa idea of a guide was a lot different from anything you'd find in an Air Force manual.
Staying in step with Teal'c, Daniel wondered just what was in a Jaffa manual, if there was one.
He was too aware that Teal'c still wasn't walking straight, that the other man's toes dragged slightly. And those damn punctures hadn't stopped bleeding-they were staining the back of the arms of Teal'c's jacket.
"I suppose if we can avoid any more misunderstandings that would be..." Impossible? He didn't want to say it, and with his ankle twinging at every step, his shoulders now a dull ache, he kept walking. He was glad now that he'd lost his pack and that useless helmet. "By the way, you never did say what happens to the guides? Do they become Jaffa at some point? Or are they sent home after some mandatory time?"
Teal'c kept his stare fixed ahead-and Daniel was starting to think it was a focus thing. As in, look at some distant point to keep moving, keep walking. Maybe it was a good thing they couldn't stop because maybe Teal'c wouldn't be able to get moving again.
Daniel couldn't help but think, however, that one of the things you were supposed to do after a snake bite was to lay down to slow the venom's circulating to your heart.
But there was no noticeable slur when Teal'c spoke-the words came out crisp and certain. And that flat tone, Daniel was starting to understand didn't mean a lack of emotion, but all emotion pressed down to something bearable. "After they are dressed as Jaffa and instructed-"
"Pounded into line?" Daniel offered, remembering his own pounding and trying to make light of it.
Teal'c didn't even glance at him, but kept walking and speaking like he was something of a local guide himself. "-they are kept with front line units and sent ahead of the battalion on any world that is invaded. When they die under enemy fire, the enemy's location is revealed."
Daniel blinked-and blinked again. "That's it? That's their entire career? No retirement options?"
This time Teal'c looked at him. Daniel met that stare and he glimpsed some of what Teal'c must have been thinking when Jack said Daniel was like their version of a guide-the guy you put in front to die.
Oh hell.
Wetting his lips, Daniel let out a breath. He had no idea what to say, but something needed to be said. "So…not so much guides as…well, I'd say sacrificial offerings, but there doesn't seem to be much offering on their part."
"There is not."
He nodded. The implications settled low in his chest, like one of the meals the military seemed to think weren't indigestible. "I guess I'm glad you weren't too happy to think Jack might want to use me for...that. Of course-we're using you as something of a guide. Not the putting you in front to die part, but I mean, we are relying on your experience to a large extent."
"My death would be of no consequence."
"What? As in your life doesn't matter?"
"I have betrayed my god-I should have died on Chulak."
"So this is borrowed time?" Daniel stopped as the realization hit him hard in the chest. "God, you really did choose them. You picked them for the job. You did have it all set up in case it went the way it did!"
"Daniel Jackson, we must-"
"Move. I know...I know." Letting out a breath, shoulders dropping lower, Daniel started walking again. But the memory of dead men with holes burned into their chest and the stench of scorched flesh wouldn't stay buried. Stopping, he threw his hands wide. "How the hell could you do that to them?"
Leaning on his staff, Teal'c turned, patience schooled into his face. "Daniel Jackson, we must continue."
"Didn't you say just now that you owe me?"
"Indeed," the word game out low, more growl than speech. Daniel put his hands on his hips and waited. Teal'c added a few more words, exhaustion creeping into each of them, "They were guides."
Oh…well that explained it.
Blinking hard, Daniel wanted to say something but he had no idea what to say. His hands fell loose to his sides. Not Jaffa, after all.
Teal'c had taken the men marked for death already-the walking dead. Men who'd had the most basic of training, who had no value other than to betray an enemy's location. And he'd done what-sacrificed them to save others. Those men had been marked for death already-hell, for all Daniel knew, they'd been terrorized and made to believe that it was kill or be killed.
Head down, he started walking again. He heard Teal'c next to him, his breathing slightly labored, steps dragging, staff weapon thudding into the ground every other stride.
Letting out a breath, Daniel asked, "Did you ever let a guide go?"
"No."
Daniel nodded, and he thought he understood. But he didn't. He'd also thought he had something in common with Teal'c, but he was beginning to see through that illusion-he couldn't imagine these choices. One dies so three can live? He could understand an individual making that choice. If you believed it was worth it, that was the right of the individual. Your life; your choice. But to be forced...it made no sense-and he couldn't find a way for it to make sense.
On the other hand, those guys had been willing to shoot and kill unarmed people. Those wouldn't have been clean, fast executions, not for the men, women and children standing around in that room. A few would have died at once, but the rest would have stood there, taken shots, had arms and legs burned, had wounds left. God, those people had been made into target practice.
What the hell did it say about him that he was shocked by this, but not horrified? He wasn't backing away from Teal'c. What-he didn't have the sense to be afraid of this guy?
He looked for a tremor of something inside him, and couldn't find it. He hadn't been afraid on Chulak, either, even when Teal'c had been knocking him around-of course, back then, he'd been terrified for Sha're and Skaara. But he looked at Teal'c now and he just saw a guy who'd been through a lot. And who'd lost even more-maybe even a big chunk of himself.
Thank god the radio crackled and Sam saved him from having to face the fact that he seemed to be fine with hanging out with these people who could kill so easily. "Daniel, we should be just about on top of your position."
"Hey, Sam." Turning, he glanced around, saw nothing but trees. "Uh-where are you guys?"
"We should be-"
"Daniel, question is, where they hell are you?"
"Well, Jack, we're here. Oh, by the way, you may want to stay away from any walls if you bump into them."
"Daniel?"
The single word was drawn out with frustration overlaid by a thin coating of restraint. Hearing it, Daniel's mouth pressed tight. No way was he giving into the twinge that tone pulled from him. This was not like he was turning in a research paper late or anything.
He heard the click of another radio and Teal'c added, "This world has additional defenses, O'Neill. I would urge caution."
Glancing over at him, Daniel thought about mouthing a silent thanks. He went for a small smile instead. Teal'c returned it with a fractional nod. Daniel was just glad to not have to add a lot to Jack and Sam's worries-they all seemed to have enough at the moment.
"Still not seeing you guys. Sam, are you sure-?"
"Daniel, we're right on top of your signal."
He looked up-then down. "Uh, Sam, maybe it's not top, but the other way?"
"Daniel?"
The word was drawn out again, and Daniel hurried into the explanation that tone demanded. "Jack, our entire walk, it's seemed like we're on an incline. This place can't be that big-I mean, it's just not efficient."
"So, whoever built this had to be logical?"
The radio crackled, then Sam's voice came back, fast and excited, "Concentric circles-a ramp? Is that what you're suggesting? But how would they maintain a consistent illusion within a confined space-are you suggesting a networked system of some kind?"
He wasn't, so that left him blank for a moment. He asked, "Why would they put us in something like an indoor stadium where we could meet up? Maybe they even use different doors opening out from the Stargate so that it'll split groups-put them on different levels or ramps."
"Thereby leaving each group more vulnerable to the defenses of this world?"
Daniel turned to Teal'c. "Yes. Another defensive measure. That's all we've seen so far."
"Goddamnit-I officially hate this place. Why couldn't these people settle for showing us their home movies to make us want to say a quick good-bye?"
"Sir-that's it. Daniel, that has to be the key-the projection of the illusion. Something within the space you're in, whether it's a hall or ramp, has to be creating the scenery around you. There has to be a constant."
Eyebrows lifting, Daniel turned and glanced at Teal'c. Head tilting to one side, Teal'c frowned. Then he lifted his staff weapon and shot out the sun.
#
Sparks flared and fell. For an instant Teal'c glimpsed a very, very high ceiling. Darkness swept down. Teal'c watched a few more sparks burst from what had been the sun and he waited for his vision to adjust. He could see in almost no light, but they now stood in utter blackness.
Next to him, he heard a short breath let out in a hard huff, and clothing rustled. Daniel Jackson said, "Be nice if they had emergency lights. Hey, Sam, just one thing…."
Teal'c heard the click of the radio call button released and the staccato of O'Neill's weapon firing came over the radio, and then Daniel Jackson muttered, "Just couldn't wait, could he?" Activating his radio again, Daniel Jackson said, voice bright and quick, "Never mind-kind of dark, isn't it, guys?"
After a moment's pause, Captain Carter answered, "Daniel, there should be a flashlight in your pack."
"Yeah-about that...kind of lost my pack. But I might have…hold on." More clothing rustled, a dry rasping sound, then a thin beam of light flared and blinded Teal'c. He put a hand up to shield his eyes, and the light danced away, darted into the darkness where the beam bled into nothing.
The beam kept moving, so Teal'c stepped forward, wrapped a hand around Daniel Jackson's wrist to force the light to steady. "We still lack a clear path to the Stargate."
"I have an idea." Daniel Jackson pushed the flashlight into Teal'c's hand and dug into his vest pockets. With a smile, he pulled out something small, and opened his palm to display a glass bead. "It's a marble-it's Jack's, and uhm, no, don't ask. However...." Squatting down, Daniel Jackson set the marble on the floor and rolled it away from him. The glass bead curved a path to the left. "Downhill-we go that way."
"O'Neill, we are starting back to the Stargate."
"Roger that. We're heading back as well. Meet us there. And, Daniel, I'm going to want to hear more about these walls of yours."
Rolling his eyes, Daniel started walking. He tilted his head, and Teal'c thought he must be following the faint, fading sound of the glass rolling across the metal floor.
They could see the floor now-gray and dull-and Teal'c held the beam of light before them as they followed the rolling bead. This was indeed a hallway with a slight incline to the floor.
Vision adjusting, Teal'c glimpsed walls-far enough apart that he could not reach them if he spread his arm, but near enough to be within reach of the narrow beam of light. The walls ended at the height of perhaps two men. Above that, the light could not penetrate, but Teal'c had glimpsed that high ceiling and could envision a maze within a larger room. A large dome, perhaps, with the Stargate at the center of it-not as large an area as he had expected, however. It was unsettling to go from seeming open spaces to this open-ceilinged ramp
He realized that a faint dimness was filtering in from one side, and Daniel Jackson was moving toward it. "Daniel Jackson?"
He put enough command in the word that the other man hesitated and glanced back. Daniel Jackson jerked a thumb over his shoulder toward the light. "We should take a look."
"Have you not seen enough of this world, Daniel Jackson?" Teal'c had.
Daniel Jackson's steps, however, kept moving to where a crack of daylight glittered. "Well, it's on our way-sort of. And when you shot out the projection, that might have taken out the other defenses-doesn't it feel cooler already? Chilly even? And that breeze has stopped."
"This may mean air is no longer circulating and we have a limited supply of oxygen."
"Well, that's a good reason to make sure this is an opening then. Besides, Jack didn't say 'hurry back.' And we do have those standing orders to explore."
Teal'c could not fault this reasoning, even if he did not fully agree with the assessment being made. O'Neill had said to meet at the Stargate-that should be their objective. However, he had little choice but to follow since Daniel Jackson was already well ahead of him and approaching the line of daylight.
The light came from between sliding doors that had opened a very small distance and then stopped.
"Daniel Jackson, I would urge caution."
With an absent nod, Daniel Jackson continued to study the doors. He did not touch them. He looked at Teal'c and llifted one hand and one finger. "No grabbing this time. There is such a thing as ducking, and if I get hit with those darts that shot out lasts time, you'll have a lot easier time getting me out of here than I did dragging you."
Meeting Daniel Jackson's stare, Teal'c considered this plan. He found it flawed.
They knew of the danger-he had a clear memory now of the click of a mechanism activating and an equally clear reminder of the pain that could be inflicted. His skin burned, and a deep, cramping ache had settled in his muscles. Even his symbiote twisted and coiled within him, sluggish and slow. But avoiding any projectile required superior reflexes and speed. He had not seen Daniel Jackson demonstrate such skills.
Teal'c knew his own reactions were also somewhat impaired. Given time, he would heal. He did not believe Daniel Jackson would survive an encounter with these darts. Other than physical restraint, however, which might end with Daniel Jackson harmed, Teal'c saw no other option.
He braced himself to move fast should the need again arise. "You will use even greater care, Daniel Jackson."
"Oh, you bet I will." Turning back to the door, Daniel Jackson rubbed his hands together and touched one finger to the door. Then he jerked his hand away.
"There is some difficulty?" Teal’c asked.
"No, no-just being…" He put his hand on the door again. "…prudent. But there's nothing. The last time the wall pulsed, as if it was coming alive. This time…nothing."
Shifting to the side, Daniel Jackson slid his hand down the opening. He put his fingers into the gap and began to pull, as if to force the doors wider. Teal'c watched for a moment. Nothing happened, other than that Daniel Jackson shifted his grip and managed to admit a fraction more light. With a sharp gasp, Daniel Jackson released his hold, then dug his fingers deeper into the gap and began pulling again.
Satisfied that Daniel Jackson did not require immediate removal from the vicinity, Teal'c put the flashlight into a vest pocket and leaned his staff weapon against the wall. He took a position on the opposite side of Daniel Jackson.
Pausing in his efforts, Daniel Jackson glanced at him. For an instant, something sharp and hard glinted in the blue eyes. The emotion passed-and Daniel Jackson gave a small, abrupt nod, as if he had decided something. Teal'c decided his help had been unwelcomed, but had been deemed acceptable. That was sufficient.
Fitting his fingers into the opening, he added his efforts to those of Daniel Jackson. They forced the doors wider, then Daniel Jackson straightened and moved to get Teal'c's staff weapon-which he inserted into the opening to use as a lever. Hand lifting, Teal'c's pressed his lips against the protest that rose within him. A weapon was a weapon-not a tool. However, this was indeed a practical approach. So he put his full weight into dragging these doors apart, and let Daniel Jackson put the weapon to use as if it were a farmer's staff.
The doors gave with a sound like a man expelling his last breath-a soft gasp that was nothing more than the mechanism fulfilling its function. But cold trickled down the back of Teal'c's neck, and light spilled over them, warm and blinding. Teal'c threw up a hand to shield his eyes.
He felt more than saw Daniel Jackson move to stand next to him-and he heard another soft breath let out with a soft word. "Wow…."
Blinking and squinting into the light from two, pale-blue suns, Teal'c looked out of the doorway and over a vast forest. He realized there was more here.
Daniel Jackson seemed to see the same things at the same instant, for he let out another breath. Then he began talking. "Has to have been a thousand years for those pines to get that big and nature to reclaim this much. Which means this city's been dead a very, very long time."
Teal'c could only nod.
They stood a distance above the ground, and before them a small platform opened onto stairs that led up and down the side of the structure. Below them, within areas of the forest, the skeleton of twisted metal and stark, pale stone pillars revealed the bones of what had once been great buildings.
Teal'c pointed to the horizon, and to the uneven dips in the landscape. "The bombardment began there, against the far mountains. It spread in this direction. The largest buildings were the immediate targets. Smaller craft landed then, there and there." He pointed to where dry plains edged the forest, stretching out either side of the city-an excellent location for deployment of ground troops. "Several battalions would have spread out in wide flanks, driving survivors to the city center. Those injured would be put to death. The rest would be taken for slaves, or to be used as whatever god who brought destruction to this world decreed."
"The Goa'uld?" Daniel Jackson glanced at him and Teal'c nodded. Daniel Jackson looked at the hidden ruins again. "It's like Aketaten. It's called Tell el-Amarna now, but it was Akhenaten's capital-a city build to change Egypt to monotheism. For all we know, he might have been trying to change their belief in the Goa'uld-he certainly wanted the Egyptian pantheon gone. But Akhenaten ultimately lost. Only the desert, not the forest, took Aketaten back. It's the same, though-this is what happens when it's not about defeating an enemy, but about eradicating a culture."
Turning from the ruins, Teal'c stared into the darkness of the building. He swallowed once, and wished not to do this, but the words must be spoken-the truth must be said to honor those who had died. To right the injustice done. "Daniel Jackson, in disarming this illusion, I have destroyed the last remnant of these people." He turned to face Daniel Jackson, braced for the hot flash of condemnation in the man's eyes-the sharp accusation which he deserved. He had acted with too much haste. He had not considered all possibilities. He had believed Daniel Jackson unworthy of a place with O'Neill, but he had proven himself to be the unwise addition to SG-1.
Daniel Jackson did not look at him-his stare remained fixed on the barren woods. But he shook his head and said, "No. This isn't part of anyone's culture. It's a tombstone-or maybe the illusion of one. It's a warning, if we'll hear it. Knowledge carries responsibility, and these people chose to ignore that. They knew about the Goa'uld, or they wouldn't have built this. They knew others were dying-being put to death and having their homes made into prisons. But they wanted to put a big door up and act as if the horror going on elsewhere couldn't touch them. So-no. You didn’t destroy their legacy."
Lifting a hand, he gestured to the trees below them, then looked at Teal'c. "That's their legacy. Buried fragments and dust. It'd take a lifetime to piece anything together. But it doesn't take any time to understand the message they left. An iris isn't enough. Hiding isn't enough. We can't look away from what's happening. Not when we know."
"In my lifetime, Daniel Jackson, I have caused such destruction as this. At the whim of a god, I have brought worlds to an end. Because it was willed."
Daniel Jackson turned and put his back to the ancient destruction. "But not because you willed it. That's the difference, Teal'c. And that difference has to matter. There's a phrase we use on Earth-to make amends. It's not about saying how sorry you are that something happened, or having regrets. It's about feelings so deep and strong that you change how things are done. You change. This has to change."
"Daniel Jackson, some things cannot be amended."
"True. But how do you find out what those are if you don't try in the first place?" Daniel Jackson looked out over the ruins again. A breeze, cool and dry, lifted and carried the scent of the pines and dirt to them. "We should ask Jack about coming back to at least look around out there."
Teal'c followed the other man's stare out the doorway. It seemed unlikely that any return to this world would be allowed-nor would it be wise. There might be other traps lurking.
Daniel Jackson's eyes narrowed, and he looked up and put a hand on the frame of the open doorway. "These must have been emergency exits-or maintenance doors. They'd have to come in to fix things, and when you shot out the device creating the illusion, it must have popped a trigger to open these. Maybe sent out an alarm, but then the power shut down and it all stopped. Funny, there's no writing anywhere."
With sudden sharp need, Teal'c wanted to be gone from this place. Daniel Jackson's words had taken on a bleak tone that Teal'c had no wish to hear from this man.
"We must go." Pulling out the flashlight, Teal'c took his staff weapon from Daniel Jackson and started in the direction they had been heading before. He did not look back, but when he did not hear Daniel Jackson's steps behind him, he slowed his pace. He allowed himself to stumble, and that did bring Daniel Jackson to his side to aid him. He allowed that as well since Daniel Jackson was favoring one leg considerable.
But Daniel Jackson did not continue with his words.
Teal'c glanced at the other man and found Daniel Jackson's face shadowed and his eyes lost to the darkness, and he wondered if the man's thoughts remained with the dead. Or perhaps he worried that this might be the fate of his own world? In either case, he seemed distant, and Teal'c gave him the respect of silence.
#
Wandering in darkness-a lamp to light the way. Well, a flashlight actually, but they didn't have a lamp like Diogenes. And it wasn't broad daylight in Athens. He wasn't sure either of them was looking for honesty, either, or even that one honest man who'd tell them the truth.
What was the truth here, anyway?
A world destroyed by the Goa'uld-not by Teal'c. No, this had happened a long time before even Teal’c had been born. But Teal'c had said he'd done this to other planets. He'd done worse, maybe. Killed in the name of a god. That was honest enough. And what kind of courage did it take to admit such things? And to want to change them?
Frowning, Daniel let his thoughts idle since Teal'c was leading the way, and Daniel had the suspicion that he wasn't really helping Teal'c so much as being allowed to help. With his ankle aching at every step, Daniel was glad of anything to lean on and take the weight off that leg-and, god, he needed a distraction from that, too.
He glanced at Teal'c, then back at the floor. Walking in the darkness, a few more things became clear.
Teal'c had done an amazing thing. Going against cultural conditioning required a level of conviction that most people lacked. Daniel knew how difficult it was to step outside the accepted norms-the threat of expulsion from a group echoed back to the most primal fears. But, really, in order to be worried about getting thrown out, you had to be part of the group in the first place. For it to matter, you had to have more than a spot at the edge of things. So was that something Teal'c knew about?
Teal'c certainly wasn't like Sam or Jack, both of whom wore their uniforms with the assurance of someone who didn't think twice about the cultural ramifications of identity and belonging and group acceptance. But Teal'c seemed aware of those nuances.
And that betrayal of his god had to come from somewhere, had to have deep roots, if fact. There were also all those soft corners on all Teal’c’s hard edges to consider. Which left Daniel wanting to stare at Teal'c and ask things he had no business asking. Which was pretty much what he'd been doing so far anyway.
Pressing his lips tight against all of that, he tried to remember he'd been taught manners at some point. But he kept thinking-and was this a something they had in common?
Damnit, if he could only forget the look he'd seen in Teal'c's eyes as the man had stared at those ruins.
God, to have caused that someplace else and know it and live with that? To feel it every day? That was one thing Daniel knew about that-because it was his fault Abydos had been hit so hard.
He wanted-really wanted to blame Teal'c for Abydos. They'd fought for freedom on Abydos, and then Daniel had stupidly opened the door again to the Goa'uld. But keeping doors closed hadn't done much good here, so maybe it really was the Goa'uld who should be blamed. And monsters like Apophis.
His fingers curled with the memory of seeing that…thing with Sha're, and his stomach muscles clenched, and it was all he could to keep himself from screaming. God, he wanted so bad to hate something other than himself-and blame something else. But that wasn't honest, either.
Honesty had to matter. So did the truth. If those things didn't mean anything, then neither did his work. He couldn't accept that. So when he got back around to everything, yes, part of what had happened on Abydos was his fault, but part wasn't. For part of it, he could hate Apophis-and he hated the First Prime of the parasite that called itself a god. But it wasn't Apophis' First Prime who walked next to him. Not anymore.
It was, however, going to take some time for that thought to move from his head down into a visceral knowledge.
But then another thought fit into place.
He looked at Teal'c and said, "The Goa'uld don't want us to be friends, do they? I mean, not us us, but Jaffa and humans-Tau'ri? They indoctrinate the Jaffa with the belief that humans are slaves, and therefore less than. You don't mix at all, do you?"
"There is a saying on my world-strength comes from strength."
"So hanging around a slave…?"
"Leaves one weak-it is death."
"That would explain why guides aren't kept around for long. But, you know-right now, I really like the idea of anything that would piss off the Goa'uld, no matter how small it is. Petty, I know, but there it is."
Teal'c paused and glanced at him. Shadows danced over Teal'c's face. They'd walked far enough to find another door fractionally cracked opened, and the warm light slanted in, showing how big and solid the guy was. All muscles and grace and power.
The inappropriate humor began to lurk in his eyes-Daniel caught it again this time. "The art of revenge requires learning that which will extract the most pain from the one upon whom vengeance is to be served."
Daniel missed a step and decided there might be a few more good reasons to be glad they had Teal'c on their side. Then he found a smile because he could hear Jack grousing up ahead, and not on the radio. He glanced at Teal'c. "Looks like we're going to end up learning more about each other from missions-not from any kind of training."
Teal'c paused and turned to face him, and Daniel stared back because of the way Teal'c was staring at him. Was that-approval? Had he passed some kind of test he hadn't known about and still didn't know about? Maybe it was the not-freaking-out-too-bad-so-he-was-okay test? Jack had seemed to have one of those, too. Oh, hell, it didn't matter-but if some sort of ritual was required now, he was going to have to talk Teal'c out of it if it involved blood.
With a small smile, Teal'c gave one of those bows that reminded Daniel of the Japanese custom of bowing to indicate everything from an insult to deep honor. Damnit, there really had to be some strong Asian influences with the Goa'uld, which meant he was going to have to expand his research and his library.
"Daniel Jackson, I have much to learn from you."
Blinking fast, Daniel stared at the guy. "Really?"
"I believe you are correct-the Jaffa and Tau'ri have long been kept as enemies so that the Goa'uld may exploit each of our people. This must change. We are the ones who can begin this change."
Teal'c held out his right hand.
Palms damp with a sudden wash of sweat, Daniel stared at it. He wasn't ready for this-but when had he ever been ready for anything in his life? Looking up, he put out his hand to grab Teal'c's, but Teal'c shifted and gripped Daniel's arm by the elbow. Ah, a Roman influence-oh, great, more gods. But, of course, Apophis was the Greek name for the Egyptian deity Apep, which meant the Goa'uld had screwed with Earth's mythology every way they could.
Teal'c's grip tightened and Daniel winced. "I pledge to you my strength and skills, Daniel Jackson. And to do all that I may in any cause you undertake as yours."
"I-I can't offer you the same. Not now. Not when…but, this does mean something to me. That you make this offer. And-I like to keep an open mind about most things."
"That is wise, Daniel Jackson."
"Yeah, it happens sometimes-I wish it happened more often."
Teal'c released his grip and they started walking again, and Daniel bit the tip of his tongue. He wasn't going to ask this-not now, not when they'd almost found some common ground. But he glanced over at Teal'c and the words spilled in a hot rush, "Why? That's all I really want to know-why…? No, I'm sorry-I shouldn't-"
"Daniel Jackson, not all questions have good answers. I did my god's bidding. If Apophis was pleased, my people did not suffer and my men did not die. It is not answer enough to satisfy, but all else that I have to offer is my life-my hand, my weapon."
"I know-god, do I know. I just-did she…does it hurt? When they…." Throat tight and thick, he swallowed and couldn't voice the rest of the things he saw now when he closed his eyes at night.
But Teal'c answered, his voice low and kind. "Yes. Greatly."
Daniel let out a breath. "Thank you. For being honest."
"It is your right to know. But, know this was well-unlike the others chosen but not taken, your wife lives, Daniel Jackson. "
"Where there's life, there's hope? I'd like to believe that."
"As would I. For now, I would like to leave this place."
Daniel stopped and stared at Teal'c. He'd almost died here, of course he'd like to go. But Daniel realized with a jolt that he'd never heard Teal'c express a preference about anything-not the food he'd been given, or the clothes, or the small room, or the guards who were still following him around the base.
He was smiling before he knew it and this time the smile didn't feel stiff. And he realized just how tired he was-tired of walking, tired of his ankle hurting, tired of holding the blunt truth back even. "Y'know, I'm a little tired of being lost, too."
"We have never been lost, Daniel Jackson."
"Only misplaced?"
Teal'c's smile showed in the glint in his eyes and the curve of his lips. He gave the smallest of nods-ah, the good one, the one that means you're not too much of an idiot and I really do agree.
They started back to where they could hear Jack and Sam talking, and beside him, Teal'c's deep voice rumbled a comforting, "Indeed, Daniel Jackson. Indeed."
"The bashaak of a guide is not pleasant."
"Bashaak? Instruction?"
"Training. A Jaffa's bashaak starts when he is a child. For a guide-"
"Yes, I know. You said guides are taken from the local populace. You find some guy who seems to know something and you put him in a uniform, which, when you think about it, does sound a little like what they've done with me. But I offered. And it's not like Jack's given me a crash course. Well, mostly not, at least not with, uh, more crash than course."
"For a guide, training is short and painful."
"And, yet-knowing that, you still did what Jack asked. Or what you thought he was asking. That's not a bad thing. It's kind of reassuring. It shows you will do what Jack says-not that Jack's always right. But he tries to keep the people with him alive. If he can. And he's at least...well, Jack's mellowed a little. But there tends to be a certain kind of thinking associated with the military on our world. And it seems to relation to that whole idea of training-conditioning predictable responses. As if that's such a good idea."
"It is necessary. In battle, there is little time for thought. But this has little to do with the topic of which I speak."
"Which was?" Daniel asked and he was still hoping like hell he could get Teal'c off the topic. He'd really like to forget the whole training thing, along with too many other things.
He could still picture Teal'c's expression-the quick, subtle shifts on his face as he'd listened to Jack's instructions, and the abrupt blanking.
One second Daniel had been facing Teal'c. The next-Teal'c had swung his staff, swept Daniel's feet out, swung the staff around again and activated it. And acidic ozone had scorched the air in front of Daniel's face.
Rubbing the tip of his nose, he remembered how a spark had jumped from the sizzling tip of the staff weapon to tingle on his skin like sunburn. Teal'c had started to yell orders at Daniel even as Jack had yelled, 'What the hell?'
It hadn't taken long to get Teal’c’s weapon put away, but it had taken time to sort out that the Jaffa idea of a guide was a lot different from anything you'd find in an Air Force manual.
Staying in step with Teal'c, Daniel wondered just what was in a Jaffa manual, if there was one.
He was too aware that Teal'c still wasn't walking straight, that the other man's toes dragged slightly. And those damn punctures hadn't stopped bleeding-they were staining the back of the arms of Teal'c's jacket.
"I suppose if we can avoid any more misunderstandings that would be..." Impossible? He didn't want to say it, and with his ankle twinging at every step, his shoulders now a dull ache, he kept walking. He was glad now that he'd lost his pack and that useless helmet. "By the way, you never did say what happens to the guides? Do they become Jaffa at some point? Or are they sent home after some mandatory time?"
Teal'c kept his stare fixed ahead-and Daniel was starting to think it was a focus thing. As in, look at some distant point to keep moving, keep walking. Maybe it was a good thing they couldn't stop because maybe Teal'c wouldn't be able to get moving again.
Daniel couldn't help but think, however, that one of the things you were supposed to do after a snake bite was to lay down to slow the venom's circulating to your heart.
But there was no noticeable slur when Teal'c spoke-the words came out crisp and certain. And that flat tone, Daniel was starting to understand didn't mean a lack of emotion, but all emotion pressed down to something bearable. "After they are dressed as Jaffa and instructed-"
"Pounded into line?" Daniel offered, remembering his own pounding and trying to make light of it.
Teal'c didn't even glance at him, but kept walking and speaking like he was something of a local guide himself. "-they are kept with front line units and sent ahead of the battalion on any world that is invaded. When they die under enemy fire, the enemy's location is revealed."
Daniel blinked-and blinked again. "That's it? That's their entire career? No retirement options?"
This time Teal'c looked at him. Daniel met that stare and he glimpsed some of what Teal'c must have been thinking when Jack said Daniel was like their version of a guide-the guy you put in front to die.
Oh hell.
Wetting his lips, Daniel let out a breath. He had no idea what to say, but something needed to be said. "So…not so much guides as…well, I'd say sacrificial offerings, but there doesn't seem to be much offering on their part."
"There is not."
He nodded. The implications settled low in his chest, like one of the meals the military seemed to think weren't indigestible. "I guess I'm glad you weren't too happy to think Jack might want to use me for...that. Of course-we're using you as something of a guide. Not the putting you in front to die part, but I mean, we are relying on your experience to a large extent."
"My death would be of no consequence."
"What? As in your life doesn't matter?"
"I have betrayed my god-I should have died on Chulak."
"So this is borrowed time?" Daniel stopped as the realization hit him hard in the chest. "God, you really did choose them. You picked them for the job. You did have it all set up in case it went the way it did!"
"Daniel Jackson, we must-"
"Move. I know...I know." Letting out a breath, shoulders dropping lower, Daniel started walking again. But the memory of dead men with holes burned into their chest and the stench of scorched flesh wouldn't stay buried. Stopping, he threw his hands wide. "How the hell could you do that to them?"
Leaning on his staff, Teal'c turned, patience schooled into his face. "Daniel Jackson, we must continue."
"Didn't you say just now that you owe me?"
"Indeed," the word game out low, more growl than speech. Daniel put his hands on his hips and waited. Teal'c added a few more words, exhaustion creeping into each of them, "They were guides."
Oh…well that explained it.
Blinking hard, Daniel wanted to say something but he had no idea what to say. His hands fell loose to his sides. Not Jaffa, after all.
Teal'c had taken the men marked for death already-the walking dead. Men who'd had the most basic of training, who had no value other than to betray an enemy's location. And he'd done what-sacrificed them to save others. Those men had been marked for death already-hell, for all Daniel knew, they'd been terrorized and made to believe that it was kill or be killed.
Head down, he started walking again. He heard Teal'c next to him, his breathing slightly labored, steps dragging, staff weapon thudding into the ground every other stride.
Letting out a breath, Daniel asked, "Did you ever let a guide go?"
"No."
Daniel nodded, and he thought he understood. But he didn't. He'd also thought he had something in common with Teal'c, but he was beginning to see through that illusion-he couldn't imagine these choices. One dies so three can live? He could understand an individual making that choice. If you believed it was worth it, that was the right of the individual. Your life; your choice. But to be forced...it made no sense-and he couldn't find a way for it to make sense.
On the other hand, those guys had been willing to shoot and kill unarmed people. Those wouldn't have been clean, fast executions, not for the men, women and children standing around in that room. A few would have died at once, but the rest would have stood there, taken shots, had arms and legs burned, had wounds left. God, those people had been made into target practice.
What the hell did it say about him that he was shocked by this, but not horrified? He wasn't backing away from Teal'c. What-he didn't have the sense to be afraid of this guy?
He looked for a tremor of something inside him, and couldn't find it. He hadn't been afraid on Chulak, either, even when Teal'c had been knocking him around-of course, back then, he'd been terrified for Sha're and Skaara. But he looked at Teal'c now and he just saw a guy who'd been through a lot. And who'd lost even more-maybe even a big chunk of himself.
Thank god the radio crackled and Sam saved him from having to face the fact that he seemed to be fine with hanging out with these people who could kill so easily. "Daniel, we should be just about on top of your position."
"Hey, Sam." Turning, he glanced around, saw nothing but trees. "Uh-where are you guys?"
"We should be-"
"Daniel, question is, where they hell are you?"
"Well, Jack, we're here. Oh, by the way, you may want to stay away from any walls if you bump into them."
"Daniel?"
The single word was drawn out with frustration overlaid by a thin coating of restraint. Hearing it, Daniel's mouth pressed tight. No way was he giving into the twinge that tone pulled from him. This was not like he was turning in a research paper late or anything.
He heard the click of another radio and Teal'c added, "This world has additional defenses, O'Neill. I would urge caution."
Glancing over at him, Daniel thought about mouthing a silent thanks. He went for a small smile instead. Teal'c returned it with a fractional nod. Daniel was just glad to not have to add a lot to Jack and Sam's worries-they all seemed to have enough at the moment.
"Still not seeing you guys. Sam, are you sure-?"
"Daniel, we're right on top of your signal."
He looked up-then down. "Uh, Sam, maybe it's not top, but the other way?"
"Daniel?"
The word was drawn out again, and Daniel hurried into the explanation that tone demanded. "Jack, our entire walk, it's seemed like we're on an incline. This place can't be that big-I mean, it's just not efficient."
"So, whoever built this had to be logical?"
The radio crackled, then Sam's voice came back, fast and excited, "Concentric circles-a ramp? Is that what you're suggesting? But how would they maintain a consistent illusion within a confined space-are you suggesting a networked system of some kind?"
He wasn't, so that left him blank for a moment. He asked, "Why would they put us in something like an indoor stadium where we could meet up? Maybe they even use different doors opening out from the Stargate so that it'll split groups-put them on different levels or ramps."
"Thereby leaving each group more vulnerable to the defenses of this world?"
Daniel turned to Teal'c. "Yes. Another defensive measure. That's all we've seen so far."
"Goddamnit-I officially hate this place. Why couldn't these people settle for showing us their home movies to make us want to say a quick good-bye?"
"Sir-that's it. Daniel, that has to be the key-the projection of the illusion. Something within the space you're in, whether it's a hall or ramp, has to be creating the scenery around you. There has to be a constant."
Eyebrows lifting, Daniel turned and glanced at Teal'c. Head tilting to one side, Teal'c frowned. Then he lifted his staff weapon and shot out the sun.
#
Sparks flared and fell. For an instant Teal'c glimpsed a very, very high ceiling. Darkness swept down. Teal'c watched a few more sparks burst from what had been the sun and he waited for his vision to adjust. He could see in almost no light, but they now stood in utter blackness.
Next to him, he heard a short breath let out in a hard huff, and clothing rustled. Daniel Jackson said, "Be nice if they had emergency lights. Hey, Sam, just one thing…."
Teal'c heard the click of the radio call button released and the staccato of O'Neill's weapon firing came over the radio, and then Daniel Jackson muttered, "Just couldn't wait, could he?" Activating his radio again, Daniel Jackson said, voice bright and quick, "Never mind-kind of dark, isn't it, guys?"
After a moment's pause, Captain Carter answered, "Daniel, there should be a flashlight in your pack."
"Yeah-about that...kind of lost my pack. But I might have…hold on." More clothing rustled, a dry rasping sound, then a thin beam of light flared and blinded Teal'c. He put a hand up to shield his eyes, and the light danced away, darted into the darkness where the beam bled into nothing.
The beam kept moving, so Teal'c stepped forward, wrapped a hand around Daniel Jackson's wrist to force the light to steady. "We still lack a clear path to the Stargate."
"I have an idea." Daniel Jackson pushed the flashlight into Teal'c's hand and dug into his vest pockets. With a smile, he pulled out something small, and opened his palm to display a glass bead. "It's a marble-it's Jack's, and uhm, no, don't ask. However...." Squatting down, Daniel Jackson set the marble on the floor and rolled it away from him. The glass bead curved a path to the left. "Downhill-we go that way."
"O'Neill, we are starting back to the Stargate."
"Roger that. We're heading back as well. Meet us there. And, Daniel, I'm going to want to hear more about these walls of yours."
Rolling his eyes, Daniel started walking. He tilted his head, and Teal'c thought he must be following the faint, fading sound of the glass rolling across the metal floor.
They could see the floor now-gray and dull-and Teal'c held the beam of light before them as they followed the rolling bead. This was indeed a hallway with a slight incline to the floor.
Vision adjusting, Teal'c glimpsed walls-far enough apart that he could not reach them if he spread his arm, but near enough to be within reach of the narrow beam of light. The walls ended at the height of perhaps two men. Above that, the light could not penetrate, but Teal'c had glimpsed that high ceiling and could envision a maze within a larger room. A large dome, perhaps, with the Stargate at the center of it-not as large an area as he had expected, however. It was unsettling to go from seeming open spaces to this open-ceilinged ramp
He realized that a faint dimness was filtering in from one side, and Daniel Jackson was moving toward it. "Daniel Jackson?"
He put enough command in the word that the other man hesitated and glanced back. Daniel Jackson jerked a thumb over his shoulder toward the light. "We should take a look."
"Have you not seen enough of this world, Daniel Jackson?" Teal'c had.
Daniel Jackson's steps, however, kept moving to where a crack of daylight glittered. "Well, it's on our way-sort of. And when you shot out the projection, that might have taken out the other defenses-doesn't it feel cooler already? Chilly even? And that breeze has stopped."
"This may mean air is no longer circulating and we have a limited supply of oxygen."
"Well, that's a good reason to make sure this is an opening then. Besides, Jack didn't say 'hurry back.' And we do have those standing orders to explore."
Teal'c could not fault this reasoning, even if he did not fully agree with the assessment being made. O'Neill had said to meet at the Stargate-that should be their objective. However, he had little choice but to follow since Daniel Jackson was already well ahead of him and approaching the line of daylight.
The light came from between sliding doors that had opened a very small distance and then stopped.
"Daniel Jackson, I would urge caution."
With an absent nod, Daniel Jackson continued to study the doors. He did not touch them. He looked at Teal'c and llifted one hand and one finger. "No grabbing this time. There is such a thing as ducking, and if I get hit with those darts that shot out lasts time, you'll have a lot easier time getting me out of here than I did dragging you."
Meeting Daniel Jackson's stare, Teal'c considered this plan. He found it flawed.
They knew of the danger-he had a clear memory now of the click of a mechanism activating and an equally clear reminder of the pain that could be inflicted. His skin burned, and a deep, cramping ache had settled in his muscles. Even his symbiote twisted and coiled within him, sluggish and slow. But avoiding any projectile required superior reflexes and speed. He had not seen Daniel Jackson demonstrate such skills.
Teal'c knew his own reactions were also somewhat impaired. Given time, he would heal. He did not believe Daniel Jackson would survive an encounter with these darts. Other than physical restraint, however, which might end with Daniel Jackson harmed, Teal'c saw no other option.
He braced himself to move fast should the need again arise. "You will use even greater care, Daniel Jackson."
"Oh, you bet I will." Turning back to the door, Daniel Jackson rubbed his hands together and touched one finger to the door. Then he jerked his hand away.
"There is some difficulty?" Teal’c asked.
"No, no-just being…" He put his hand on the door again. "…prudent. But there's nothing. The last time the wall pulsed, as if it was coming alive. This time…nothing."
Shifting to the side, Daniel Jackson slid his hand down the opening. He put his fingers into the gap and began to pull, as if to force the doors wider. Teal'c watched for a moment. Nothing happened, other than that Daniel Jackson shifted his grip and managed to admit a fraction more light. With a sharp gasp, Daniel Jackson released his hold, then dug his fingers deeper into the gap and began pulling again.
Satisfied that Daniel Jackson did not require immediate removal from the vicinity, Teal'c put the flashlight into a vest pocket and leaned his staff weapon against the wall. He took a position on the opposite side of Daniel Jackson.
Pausing in his efforts, Daniel Jackson glanced at him. For an instant, something sharp and hard glinted in the blue eyes. The emotion passed-and Daniel Jackson gave a small, abrupt nod, as if he had decided something. Teal'c decided his help had been unwelcomed, but had been deemed acceptable. That was sufficient.
Fitting his fingers into the opening, he added his efforts to those of Daniel Jackson. They forced the doors wider, then Daniel Jackson straightened and moved to get Teal'c's staff weapon-which he inserted into the opening to use as a lever. Hand lifting, Teal'c's pressed his lips against the protest that rose within him. A weapon was a weapon-not a tool. However, this was indeed a practical approach. So he put his full weight into dragging these doors apart, and let Daniel Jackson put the weapon to use as if it were a farmer's staff.
The doors gave with a sound like a man expelling his last breath-a soft gasp that was nothing more than the mechanism fulfilling its function. But cold trickled down the back of Teal'c's neck, and light spilled over them, warm and blinding. Teal'c threw up a hand to shield his eyes.
He felt more than saw Daniel Jackson move to stand next to him-and he heard another soft breath let out with a soft word. "Wow…."
Blinking and squinting into the light from two, pale-blue suns, Teal'c looked out of the doorway and over a vast forest. He realized there was more here.
Daniel Jackson seemed to see the same things at the same instant, for he let out another breath. Then he began talking. "Has to have been a thousand years for those pines to get that big and nature to reclaim this much. Which means this city's been dead a very, very long time."
Teal'c could only nod.
They stood a distance above the ground, and before them a small platform opened onto stairs that led up and down the side of the structure. Below them, within areas of the forest, the skeleton of twisted metal and stark, pale stone pillars revealed the bones of what had once been great buildings.
Teal'c pointed to the horizon, and to the uneven dips in the landscape. "The bombardment began there, against the far mountains. It spread in this direction. The largest buildings were the immediate targets. Smaller craft landed then, there and there." He pointed to where dry plains edged the forest, stretching out either side of the city-an excellent location for deployment of ground troops. "Several battalions would have spread out in wide flanks, driving survivors to the city center. Those injured would be put to death. The rest would be taken for slaves, or to be used as whatever god who brought destruction to this world decreed."
"The Goa'uld?" Daniel Jackson glanced at him and Teal'c nodded. Daniel Jackson looked at the hidden ruins again. "It's like Aketaten. It's called Tell el-Amarna now, but it was Akhenaten's capital-a city build to change Egypt to monotheism. For all we know, he might have been trying to change their belief in the Goa'uld-he certainly wanted the Egyptian pantheon gone. But Akhenaten ultimately lost. Only the desert, not the forest, took Aketaten back. It's the same, though-this is what happens when it's not about defeating an enemy, but about eradicating a culture."
Turning from the ruins, Teal'c stared into the darkness of the building. He swallowed once, and wished not to do this, but the words must be spoken-the truth must be said to honor those who had died. To right the injustice done. "Daniel Jackson, in disarming this illusion, I have destroyed the last remnant of these people." He turned to face Daniel Jackson, braced for the hot flash of condemnation in the man's eyes-the sharp accusation which he deserved. He had acted with too much haste. He had not considered all possibilities. He had believed Daniel Jackson unworthy of a place with O'Neill, but he had proven himself to be the unwise addition to SG-1.
Daniel Jackson did not look at him-his stare remained fixed on the barren woods. But he shook his head and said, "No. This isn't part of anyone's culture. It's a tombstone-or maybe the illusion of one. It's a warning, if we'll hear it. Knowledge carries responsibility, and these people chose to ignore that. They knew about the Goa'uld, or they wouldn't have built this. They knew others were dying-being put to death and having their homes made into prisons. But they wanted to put a big door up and act as if the horror going on elsewhere couldn't touch them. So-no. You didn’t destroy their legacy."
Lifting a hand, he gestured to the trees below them, then looked at Teal'c. "That's their legacy. Buried fragments and dust. It'd take a lifetime to piece anything together. But it doesn't take any time to understand the message they left. An iris isn't enough. Hiding isn't enough. We can't look away from what's happening. Not when we know."
"In my lifetime, Daniel Jackson, I have caused such destruction as this. At the whim of a god, I have brought worlds to an end. Because it was willed."
Daniel Jackson turned and put his back to the ancient destruction. "But not because you willed it. That's the difference, Teal'c. And that difference has to matter. There's a phrase we use on Earth-to make amends. It's not about saying how sorry you are that something happened, or having regrets. It's about feelings so deep and strong that you change how things are done. You change. This has to change."
"Daniel Jackson, some things cannot be amended."
"True. But how do you find out what those are if you don't try in the first place?" Daniel Jackson looked out over the ruins again. A breeze, cool and dry, lifted and carried the scent of the pines and dirt to them. "We should ask Jack about coming back to at least look around out there."
Teal'c followed the other man's stare out the doorway. It seemed unlikely that any return to this world would be allowed-nor would it be wise. There might be other traps lurking.
Daniel Jackson's eyes narrowed, and he looked up and put a hand on the frame of the open doorway. "These must have been emergency exits-or maintenance doors. They'd have to come in to fix things, and when you shot out the device creating the illusion, it must have popped a trigger to open these. Maybe sent out an alarm, but then the power shut down and it all stopped. Funny, there's no writing anywhere."
With sudden sharp need, Teal'c wanted to be gone from this place. Daniel Jackson's words had taken on a bleak tone that Teal'c had no wish to hear from this man.
"We must go." Pulling out the flashlight, Teal'c took his staff weapon from Daniel Jackson and started in the direction they had been heading before. He did not look back, but when he did not hear Daniel Jackson's steps behind him, he slowed his pace. He allowed himself to stumble, and that did bring Daniel Jackson to his side to aid him. He allowed that as well since Daniel Jackson was favoring one leg considerable.
But Daniel Jackson did not continue with his words.
Teal'c glanced at the other man and found Daniel Jackson's face shadowed and his eyes lost to the darkness, and he wondered if the man's thoughts remained with the dead. Or perhaps he worried that this might be the fate of his own world? In either case, he seemed distant, and Teal'c gave him the respect of silence.
#
Wandering in darkness-a lamp to light the way. Well, a flashlight actually, but they didn't have a lamp like Diogenes. And it wasn't broad daylight in Athens. He wasn't sure either of them was looking for honesty, either, or even that one honest man who'd tell them the truth.
What was the truth here, anyway?
A world destroyed by the Goa'uld-not by Teal'c. No, this had happened a long time before even Teal’c had been born. But Teal'c had said he'd done this to other planets. He'd done worse, maybe. Killed in the name of a god. That was honest enough. And what kind of courage did it take to admit such things? And to want to change them?
Frowning, Daniel let his thoughts idle since Teal'c was leading the way, and Daniel had the suspicion that he wasn't really helping Teal'c so much as being allowed to help. With his ankle aching at every step, Daniel was glad of anything to lean on and take the weight off that leg-and, god, he needed a distraction from that, too.
He glanced at Teal'c, then back at the floor. Walking in the darkness, a few more things became clear.
Teal'c had done an amazing thing. Going against cultural conditioning required a level of conviction that most people lacked. Daniel knew how difficult it was to step outside the accepted norms-the threat of expulsion from a group echoed back to the most primal fears. But, really, in order to be worried about getting thrown out, you had to be part of the group in the first place. For it to matter, you had to have more than a spot at the edge of things. So was that something Teal'c knew about?
Teal'c certainly wasn't like Sam or Jack, both of whom wore their uniforms with the assurance of someone who didn't think twice about the cultural ramifications of identity and belonging and group acceptance. But Teal'c seemed aware of those nuances.
And that betrayal of his god had to come from somewhere, had to have deep roots, if fact. There were also all those soft corners on all Teal’c’s hard edges to consider. Which left Daniel wanting to stare at Teal'c and ask things he had no business asking. Which was pretty much what he'd been doing so far anyway.
Pressing his lips tight against all of that, he tried to remember he'd been taught manners at some point. But he kept thinking-and was this a something they had in common?
Damnit, if he could only forget the look he'd seen in Teal'c's eyes as the man had stared at those ruins.
God, to have caused that someplace else and know it and live with that? To feel it every day? That was one thing Daniel knew about that-because it was his fault Abydos had been hit so hard.
He wanted-really wanted to blame Teal'c for Abydos. They'd fought for freedom on Abydos, and then Daniel had stupidly opened the door again to the Goa'uld. But keeping doors closed hadn't done much good here, so maybe it really was the Goa'uld who should be blamed. And monsters like Apophis.
His fingers curled with the memory of seeing that…thing with Sha're, and his stomach muscles clenched, and it was all he could to keep himself from screaming. God, he wanted so bad to hate something other than himself-and blame something else. But that wasn't honest, either.
Honesty had to matter. So did the truth. If those things didn't mean anything, then neither did his work. He couldn't accept that. So when he got back around to everything, yes, part of what had happened on Abydos was his fault, but part wasn't. For part of it, he could hate Apophis-and he hated the First Prime of the parasite that called itself a god. But it wasn't Apophis' First Prime who walked next to him. Not anymore.
It was, however, going to take some time for that thought to move from his head down into a visceral knowledge.
But then another thought fit into place.
He looked at Teal'c and said, "The Goa'uld don't want us to be friends, do they? I mean, not us us, but Jaffa and humans-Tau'ri? They indoctrinate the Jaffa with the belief that humans are slaves, and therefore less than. You don't mix at all, do you?"
"There is a saying on my world-strength comes from strength."
"So hanging around a slave…?"
"Leaves one weak-it is death."
"That would explain why guides aren't kept around for long. But, you know-right now, I really like the idea of anything that would piss off the Goa'uld, no matter how small it is. Petty, I know, but there it is."
Teal'c paused and glanced at him. Shadows danced over Teal'c's face. They'd walked far enough to find another door fractionally cracked opened, and the warm light slanted in, showing how big and solid the guy was. All muscles and grace and power.
The inappropriate humor began to lurk in his eyes-Daniel caught it again this time. "The art of revenge requires learning that which will extract the most pain from the one upon whom vengeance is to be served."
Daniel missed a step and decided there might be a few more good reasons to be glad they had Teal'c on their side. Then he found a smile because he could hear Jack grousing up ahead, and not on the radio. He glanced at Teal'c. "Looks like we're going to end up learning more about each other from missions-not from any kind of training."
Teal'c paused and turned to face him, and Daniel stared back because of the way Teal'c was staring at him. Was that-approval? Had he passed some kind of test he hadn't known about and still didn't know about? Maybe it was the not-freaking-out-too-bad-so-he-was-okay test? Jack had seemed to have one of those, too. Oh, hell, it didn't matter-but if some sort of ritual was required now, he was going to have to talk Teal'c out of it if it involved blood.
With a small smile, Teal'c gave one of those bows that reminded Daniel of the Japanese custom of bowing to indicate everything from an insult to deep honor. Damnit, there really had to be some strong Asian influences with the Goa'uld, which meant he was going to have to expand his research and his library.
"Daniel Jackson, I have much to learn from you."
Blinking fast, Daniel stared at the guy. "Really?"
"I believe you are correct-the Jaffa and Tau'ri have long been kept as enemies so that the Goa'uld may exploit each of our people. This must change. We are the ones who can begin this change."
Teal'c held out his right hand.
Palms damp with a sudden wash of sweat, Daniel stared at it. He wasn't ready for this-but when had he ever been ready for anything in his life? Looking up, he put out his hand to grab Teal'c's, but Teal'c shifted and gripped Daniel's arm by the elbow. Ah, a Roman influence-oh, great, more gods. But, of course, Apophis was the Greek name for the Egyptian deity Apep, which meant the Goa'uld had screwed with Earth's mythology every way they could.
Teal'c's grip tightened and Daniel winced. "I pledge to you my strength and skills, Daniel Jackson. And to do all that I may in any cause you undertake as yours."
"I-I can't offer you the same. Not now. Not when…but, this does mean something to me. That you make this offer. And-I like to keep an open mind about most things."
"That is wise, Daniel Jackson."
"Yeah, it happens sometimes-I wish it happened more often."
Teal'c released his grip and they started walking again, and Daniel bit the tip of his tongue. He wasn't going to ask this-not now, not when they'd almost found some common ground. But he glanced over at Teal'c and the words spilled in a hot rush, "Why? That's all I really want to know-why…? No, I'm sorry-I shouldn't-"
"Daniel Jackson, not all questions have good answers. I did my god's bidding. If Apophis was pleased, my people did not suffer and my men did not die. It is not answer enough to satisfy, but all else that I have to offer is my life-my hand, my weapon."
"I know-god, do I know. I just-did she…does it hurt? When they…." Throat tight and thick, he swallowed and couldn't voice the rest of the things he saw now when he closed his eyes at night.
But Teal'c answered, his voice low and kind. "Yes. Greatly."
Daniel let out a breath. "Thank you. For being honest."
"It is your right to know. But, know this was well-unlike the others chosen but not taken, your wife lives, Daniel Jackson. "
"Where there's life, there's hope? I'd like to believe that."
"As would I. For now, I would like to leave this place."
Daniel stopped and stared at Teal'c. He'd almost died here, of course he'd like to go. But Daniel realized with a jolt that he'd never heard Teal'c express a preference about anything-not the food he'd been given, or the clothes, or the small room, or the guards who were still following him around the base.
He was smiling before he knew it and this time the smile didn't feel stiff. And he realized just how tired he was-tired of walking, tired of his ankle hurting, tired of holding the blunt truth back even. "Y'know, I'm a little tired of being lost, too."
"We have never been lost, Daniel Jackson."
"Only misplaced?"
Teal'c's smile showed in the glint in his eyes and the curve of his lips. He gave the smallest of nods-ah, the good one, the one that means you're not too much of an idiot and I really do agree.
They started back to where they could hear Jack and Sam talking, and beside him, Teal'c's deep voice rumbled a comforting, "Indeed, Daniel Jackson. Indeed."