was rushed
I dared her to sit on top of the tower. She flicked her thumbs a little, looking down, accepting the inevitability of the situation. The suns spotlight reflected in the beads of sweat growing in number under her eyes, above her mouth shut tight with reverence, like solemn doubt. You can see the suns presence in every drop of sweat, just as you can see the real horror and finality of the event in her red face, tight with worry, holding back tears of fain fear. I couldn’t help but frown as I looked down, guilty, gently kicking up some dust from the dry ground. Now I gulped and strained my face and chest trying not to cry while facing the dirt. Cursing myself so loudly in my head, that when her head turned suddenly my direction, I was sure she had heard me. I looked up through my long hair mostly covering my face, with my mouth barely open, open only because I couldn’t concentrate on keeping it shut and continue looking at her with guilt attempting not to cry. I suppose I made the dare out of a temporary loss of recognition: pure idiocy, and a burning glob of unfairly held resentment from the past. I said it almost jokingly; without thinking. I would take it back if I could, but that is not how things work. I wanted to go with her, but again I simply could not. The situation had been produced, and was now unavoidable. The course was now absolute.
If it had been Franki, there would be little to worry about, in fact he possible could have entered and exited surprisingly unchanged. But she had no such chance, her outcome was obvious. She would never be seen like this again. The girl I knew now had no chance of life, no hope in any way. She had nothing, a lack of all but the acceptance of imminent ruin and the grotesque outlook on existence that one bares once they have attained that acceptance. Already she had been changed, simply from the seriousness of the situation. She slowly turned to face the small group of hills between our current position and the area where the tower stood. I glanced at the tower itself for a brief moment, a brief look due to my refusal to accept the predicament as it was. I kept wanting to think it wasn’t real; afraid that if I looked at it for too long it would somehow make things more inescapable. A short look at the tower casting it’s shadow from it’s base, all the way across the hills to us. Like an outstretched hand reaching directly to her, in such a way that she knew she could no longer deny the tower its demands. Her acceptance in no way relieved her of fear, but merely made decent attempts at hiding it. With my eyesight nervously fluttering about the ground, I saw her holding her hands together trying to stop their shaking. Her legs kind of jerked and her knees nearly buckled. I was in a similar state. I was no longer able to hold back my tears. I was weeping quite loudly when she turned to me. I slowly managed to raise my head and shake it around a little until the hair was out of the way and I we could see each other. Both crying we looked into each others eyes, which more than made up for the lack of words. I wanted to say something. I couldn’t say I’m sorry. She knew, and there was nothing either of us could do now. If either of us had opened a mouth to say anything at all we would have burst into tears immediately and began wailing loudly. It was getting hotter by the second standing in the sun, with no water and no real sign of power for miles, other than the tower, whose power was becoming more and more imminent just as the heat. She promptly stood up a little straighter, and closed her mouth tight, making funny wrinkles between the bottom of her chin and her bottom lip pressed firmly over the upper lip. Almost nodding her head as if she were saluting. I straightened my back a little as well. She began to walk away. I followed, watching her closely for the most part. It seemed as if the closer we came to the tower, the darker the sky above was and the brighter the sun shinned everywhere else. We had soon passed the small hills, leaving us right outside the gate to the tower. She turned to look at me and I quickly began balling. She crumpled her face tighter than I have ever seen, making her turn the darkest red, and forcing vanes to become apparent at her forehead and neck, and tears still flowed down her face and onto the dead earth her feet stood on. I looked at her through my blurred eyes, rubbing at them and wiping my face, trying franticly to keep from crying, just enough to be able to see her. We shared one last gaze and she turned and began her walk toward the tower. She tried to push open the metal gate, it was rusted and took a moment before finally swinging open. She pushed her shoulders up and held her head straight as she approached the door. I was crying loudly, screaming things, that I love her, that I’m sorry, don’t go. Masses of noise and nonsense had taken over my thought, all I could hear was screaming and ideas flying past, the wind howling like a demon, the gates squeak echoing in my head, her voice, all the things she had ever said to me: all at once. The loudest most crowded sound imaginable. She opened the door, and entered. Once she was out of view, the door swung shut. Making a loud clunk. Louder than all the combines noises in my head. So loud that it engulfed the other sounds, completely silencing everything. Leaving me on my knees with my mouth and eyes wide open, in complete silence apart from the subtle whistle of the wind and the echo of that door slamming. The sun shined on me and my silence, brighter and hotter than I was used to feeling. I continued to weep.