(no subject)
it's amazing how a little while in a familiar environment can change a person's state of mind. and i'm now ending the vague third person stuff. i hate that bullshit. say what you mean. i like being specific. there's a kind of power in being able to say exactly what you mean and where your thought processes come from. people are so rarely as specific as i like to be, but then, neither am i so i guess it all evens out.
sometimes it's as if when i say things people don't hear what i mean at all. they hear some twisted version of it that bares no resemblance to what i wanted to say to them. i guess that's perspective but it's also something else. with some people this never happens and with other people it happens all the time. but if they can't hear me, they don't get me. they don't get life, or at least they don't get my way of dealing with life and that's lame.
and that's why this whole kerry thing sucks. she just doesn't get it anymore. and i'm so sick of her hypocritical, hypersensitive, weight of the world, chip on her shoulder, too cool for everyone who had her back bullshit. because that's what it is. just bullshit. if she could see for one moment how ridiculous she was being she'd puke her brains out. it's that fucking disgusting. but she can't see it and that's what makes it so terrible. it's like she went blind but can't remember what it was like to be able to see. or worse. now that she's blind, she thinks it's better than seeing. but that's bullshit too. that story about the guy who stumbles upon this blind society and gets fucked over because he so inhibited by sight. that's bullshit. so he can't function as well as the blind people can in the dark. he can see the fucking sunset. it's all worth it. i don't need to be practical and efficient and a perfect little member of society. i like being stupid and senseless and out of control. i like tripping every once in a while. it lets me laugh at myself. at least i can see every awesome thing going down around me.
the problem is, kerry can't laugh at herself anymore. everything's a personal attack. everything's an insult. everything's offensive. a person can't live in a bubble. well they can, but their life fucking sucks compared to everyone not living in bubbles. because what does the bubble really accomplish but to separate you from everything that isnt clean and safe and perfect. but that's like 99% of all things fun. fun should be synonymous with dirty dangerous shit. i mean, no one wants to really get hurt or anything but you have to be able to fall in the mud. you have to be able to be sitting, covered in dirt or snow or whatever and cracking up because your best friend is sitting there next to you and you both just don't care. if you can't do that, what the fuck are you doing?
and stop fucking complaining. if i have to hear one more person whining about one more thing i think i'm going to punch them in the face.
STOP CRYING.
sometimes it's as if when i say things people don't hear what i mean at all. they hear some twisted version of it that bares no resemblance to what i wanted to say to them. i guess that's perspective but it's also something else. with some people this never happens and with other people it happens all the time. but if they can't hear me, they don't get me. they don't get life, or at least they don't get my way of dealing with life and that's lame.
and that's why this whole kerry thing sucks. she just doesn't get it anymore. and i'm so sick of her hypocritical, hypersensitive, weight of the world, chip on her shoulder, too cool for everyone who had her back bullshit. because that's what it is. just bullshit. if she could see for one moment how ridiculous she was being she'd puke her brains out. it's that fucking disgusting. but she can't see it and that's what makes it so terrible. it's like she went blind but can't remember what it was like to be able to see. or worse. now that she's blind, she thinks it's better than seeing. but that's bullshit too. that story about the guy who stumbles upon this blind society and gets fucked over because he so inhibited by sight. that's bullshit. so he can't function as well as the blind people can in the dark. he can see the fucking sunset. it's all worth it. i don't need to be practical and efficient and a perfect little member of society. i like being stupid and senseless and out of control. i like tripping every once in a while. it lets me laugh at myself. at least i can see every awesome thing going down around me.
the problem is, kerry can't laugh at herself anymore. everything's a personal attack. everything's an insult. everything's offensive. a person can't live in a bubble. well they can, but their life fucking sucks compared to everyone not living in bubbles. because what does the bubble really accomplish but to separate you from everything that isnt clean and safe and perfect. but that's like 99% of all things fun. fun should be synonymous with dirty dangerous shit. i mean, no one wants to really get hurt or anything but you have to be able to fall in the mud. you have to be able to be sitting, covered in dirt or snow or whatever and cracking up because your best friend is sitting there next to you and you both just don't care. if you can't do that, what the fuck are you doing?
and stop fucking complaining. if i have to hear one more person whining about one more thing i think i'm going to punch them in the face.
STOP CRYING.