i hurt my back sitting on a log

[randomfishface]

i really dont like it when people dont like me or rather, if people just think little of me.
in fact, i might hate it.
once i know that someone thinks i'm a terrible person, it plagues my conciousness.
i cant stop thinking about it and i cant help but want to fix it, want to restore their image of me.

it seems ridiculous and juvenile but i just cant help it.
i think it has to do with my fat/ugly complex.
its such a fucking burden.

i just really want people to see me for who i am.
i am not a terrible person. sometimes i do stupid shit but that doesnt mean that i ever had any intention of hurting anyone.
and i really didnt want to hurt him.
i like him.
i think thats the problem, i genuinely like him.
i like him in a quiet, unassuming, all-consuming kind of way.
i like him in the way that you think about him all the time but wouldnt ever want to bother him with the knowledge of your crush.
i guess thats why it hurts so much that he might actually actively dislike me.
not even a genderal disregard, although even that would hurt too.

i just wish someone could take an active interest in me.
i wish someone would look at me and see in me everything i seem to see in everybody else.
i'm so tired of feeling second string, and it seems thats the way i feel with everything these days.
maybe thats why i'm so down.
i just feel second string.