Hehe, when I am in the pits of despair, I get prolific...sowwy.
Dear Mom and Dad,
Today is one of the saddest days of my life. I know it must not be easy on you either. And I do regret that I have made it harder by rubbing it in your faces so much. But can't you see that I needed to regain some control over this fucked up situation? I mean, kicking your only daughter out of the house when she is in the middle of a really dark time? (Admittedly, I have been in this dark time for 2 1/2 years now...) I realize how tired you have gotten of digging me out of the many scrapes I fall into by not being able to juggle my life very well, I just don't think that this was the best way to teach me to be more independent. I feel like when I wake up in the morning, I am going to be completely on my own. Without the people I've had supporting me (albeit quite badly/negatively at times) for the past 19 years. I love you guys, and despite all of the verbal abuse, and driving me into a deep depression, making me feel like I am never good enough, sending me on the path towards an eating disorder, I'm gonna miss you. But I don't know if once I am no longer living in your house, with no support for school and uncertain financial support for rent or medical care, I can continue to have much contact with you. There is too much built-up anger and hurt. The people who I was certain would always be there for me, even when no one else was, have betrayed my faith in them. Considering how badly you wanted children, especially multiple kids, you have turned out to be quite sucky in many areas of the parenting department. I do know that you love me, but for the next little while, I think you've pretty much alienated me. Maybe when I am "older and more mature," I can get past this and repair our estrangement (although I think that being self-sufficient beginning on my 19th b-day will help me along the path of maturation relatively quickly), but right now there is just too much crap in-between us. I'm so sorry for whatever I did to make you this fed up with me. I must be pretty damn good at being a bad child, huh? Well, thank you for giving me such a nice and comfortable life these past 19 years. While it hasn't prepared me very well for what's to come, I appreciate the fact that I have had the opportunity to lead such a sheltered and pampered life. And yes, despite it all, I will miss you both a lot.
with love (from somewhere within the anger and hurt),
Rikki
Today is one of the saddest days of my life. I know it must not be easy on you either. And I do regret that I have made it harder by rubbing it in your faces so much. But can't you see that I needed to regain some control over this fucked up situation? I mean, kicking your only daughter out of the house when she is in the middle of a really dark time? (Admittedly, I have been in this dark time for 2 1/2 years now...) I realize how tired you have gotten of digging me out of the many scrapes I fall into by not being able to juggle my life very well, I just don't think that this was the best way to teach me to be more independent. I feel like when I wake up in the morning, I am going to be completely on my own. Without the people I've had supporting me (albeit quite badly/negatively at times) for the past 19 years. I love you guys, and despite all of the verbal abuse, and driving me into a deep depression, making me feel like I am never good enough, sending me on the path towards an eating disorder, I'm gonna miss you. But I don't know if once I am no longer living in your house, with no support for school and uncertain financial support for rent or medical care, I can continue to have much contact with you. There is too much built-up anger and hurt. The people who I was certain would always be there for me, even when no one else was, have betrayed my faith in them. Considering how badly you wanted children, especially multiple kids, you have turned out to be quite sucky in many areas of the parenting department. I do know that you love me, but for the next little while, I think you've pretty much alienated me. Maybe when I am "older and more mature," I can get past this and repair our estrangement (although I think that being self-sufficient beginning on my 19th b-day will help me along the path of maturation relatively quickly), but right now there is just too much crap in-between us. I'm so sorry for whatever I did to make you this fed up with me. I must be pretty damn good at being a bad child, huh? Well, thank you for giving me such a nice and comfortable life these past 19 years. While it hasn't prepared me very well for what's to come, I appreciate the fact that I have had the opportunity to lead such a sheltered and pampered life. And yes, despite it all, I will miss you both a lot.
with love (from somewhere within the anger and hurt),
Rikki