(no subject)
Its getting so cold outside.
Or, perhaps it's you.
I remember dreaming of this place, and how things would be.
They're nothing like I had imagined.
I have it all now.
The nice four bedroom house with the two car garage.
The dog, the kid.
It's everything I thought I wanted.
Maybe I still do...I just want most for you to want them with me.
You never used to hate yourself so much.
Maybe it's my own distruction that has led you to this point.
It hardly seems worth the nickle on the seat of my car to you anymore.
I just scream now.
Until I'm blue in the face.
I find my reason along the way.
Where is that passion?
Where is your total lack of resistance?
It hasn't even been a year.
I crawl into our bed every night and whisper "I love you"
Not once do I hear an echo back.
Even feeling as stupid and empty as I do these words still seem to fall out of my mouth...every night.
We have gone through so much.
There's been countless occasions my bags were packed.
I wonder if I'd be content if I had really left?
I lay in bed every night, sobbing myself to sleep.
And lately Ive been followed by this ghost.
He won't shut up.
He keeps asking me if I'm doing the right thing.
He keeps wanting me to reassure him I made the right choice.
Only...I dont think I can right now.
I pray this is only a rut.
I pray one day we will wake up and find our foundation again.
That you will one day chase me around the house.
I mean...don't get me wrong...we still have our moments.
But they seems forced...and rushed.
I never thought I'd admit it...But, I miss Monroe.
I feel so alienated here.
I know not a soul.
I usually spend my days observing.
Wondering where I am supposed to fit in here.
Sometimes I feel so juvenile I don't even know what to do with myself.
I used to think that Garcia and I had such a settled life, and more importantly that that's what I wanted.
I'm not so sure I fit in in my own life.
I'm not so sure that even makes sense.
I love her. I know that I do.
But, how do you find comfort when you know it's one sided?
How do you find energy to be nice, when you're the only one to do so?
How do you want to continue to work on yourself, and continue to grow when you're the only one with integrity?
All of these questions I haven't been able to find answers to.
It's getting colder, and so are you.
I don't want to grow bitter.
I cherish that I am such a good person.
Please don't steal that from me.
Or, perhaps it's you.
I remember dreaming of this place, and how things would be.
They're nothing like I had imagined.
I have it all now.
The nice four bedroom house with the two car garage.
The dog, the kid.
It's everything I thought I wanted.
Maybe I still do...I just want most for you to want them with me.
You never used to hate yourself so much.
Maybe it's my own distruction that has led you to this point.
It hardly seems worth the nickle on the seat of my car to you anymore.
I just scream now.
Until I'm blue in the face.
I find my reason along the way.
Where is that passion?
Where is your total lack of resistance?
It hasn't even been a year.
I crawl into our bed every night and whisper "I love you"
Not once do I hear an echo back.
Even feeling as stupid and empty as I do these words still seem to fall out of my mouth...every night.
We have gone through so much.
There's been countless occasions my bags were packed.
I wonder if I'd be content if I had really left?
I lay in bed every night, sobbing myself to sleep.
And lately Ive been followed by this ghost.
He won't shut up.
He keeps asking me if I'm doing the right thing.
He keeps wanting me to reassure him I made the right choice.
Only...I dont think I can right now.
I pray this is only a rut.
I pray one day we will wake up and find our foundation again.
That you will one day chase me around the house.
I mean...don't get me wrong...we still have our moments.
But they seems forced...and rushed.
I never thought I'd admit it...But, I miss Monroe.
I feel so alienated here.
I know not a soul.
I usually spend my days observing.
Wondering where I am supposed to fit in here.
Sometimes I feel so juvenile I don't even know what to do with myself.
I used to think that Garcia and I had such a settled life, and more importantly that that's what I wanted.
I'm not so sure I fit in in my own life.
I'm not so sure that even makes sense.
I love her. I know that I do.
But, how do you find comfort when you know it's one sided?
How do you find energy to be nice, when you're the only one to do so?
How do you want to continue to work on yourself, and continue to grow when you're the only one with integrity?
All of these questions I haven't been able to find answers to.
It's getting colder, and so are you.
I don't want to grow bitter.
I cherish that I am such a good person.
Please don't steal that from me.