Little things
The constant state of reminders about the past revolving around me recently are becoming quite annoying. That and of course people I've lost, or who no longer talk to me, not exactly the same thing, but it's close enough dammit.
I suppose it's the fact that I am once again without a job, after being employed most of last year to go again without any real purpose into another year is just extremely depressing. I'm not quite suicidal but I'm getting close. Each passing day with rejection after rejection of job stuff just really takes it out of me. Plus the fact that while I have an idea that I would like to be a librarian, I honestly don't know what kind of job security or future that could hold for me. Plus the fact that I would need to go to college. And do I want to be up to my eyeballs in debt and graduate when I turn 30 at the earliest? The prospect kinda scares the fuck out of me. The prospect of doing nothing also does the same thing. So both things just spiral me into a huge fit of depression and I'm back at square one and then slip a little further back each time my mind goes through it all again, over and over and over.
And let's not get started on how I will never find a guy. Because with my extreme lack of a profession how the hell would I be able to keep any mans interest? At least anyone worth knowing.
Ugh.
Hollywood lied to us all. I'm still trying to get over it.
I think my mind is snowballing itself into oblivion. Lack of nicotine is not helping my brain at all either.
I suppose it's the fact that I am once again without a job, after being employed most of last year to go again without any real purpose into another year is just extremely depressing. I'm not quite suicidal but I'm getting close. Each passing day with rejection after rejection of job stuff just really takes it out of me. Plus the fact that while I have an idea that I would like to be a librarian, I honestly don't know what kind of job security or future that could hold for me. Plus the fact that I would need to go to college. And do I want to be up to my eyeballs in debt and graduate when I turn 30 at the earliest? The prospect kinda scares the fuck out of me. The prospect of doing nothing also does the same thing. So both things just spiral me into a huge fit of depression and I'm back at square one and then slip a little further back each time my mind goes through it all again, over and over and over.
And let's not get started on how I will never find a guy. Because with my extreme lack of a profession how the hell would I be able to keep any mans interest? At least anyone worth knowing.
Ugh.
Hollywood lied to us all. I'm still trying to get over it.
I think my mind is snowballing itself into oblivion. Lack of nicotine is not helping my brain at all either.