"can I lay in your bed all day? i'll be your best kept secret and your biggest mistake..."
frustration...
it seems to be the most accurate description for what I have been feeling recently. it feels like I am frustrated with everything and everyone! the main thing that I seem to be frustrated with, is myself. I am frustrated with other people because I want/need them to be something that they simply can't be.
I want to be independent. I want to be happy and complete on my own. I don't want to be dependent on others for my happiness. I'm simply not any of these things. I am close with some of them. But close is not enough.
I am an independent person. I wasn't so sure if this was true after the last 3 years. I can be independent and I enjoy my independence. But here is the catch. I am an independent person who LOVES being in a relationship. I miss having that person who makes it a little easier when life is hard. I miss the security. I miss having a person. Maybe I miss him and my pride just won't let me say it, but really I think I miss the entire concept of what he was.
I have tried to fill the void with friends, but I think that I have asked and expected too much from too few. When they weren't able to fill that gap I got frustrated. Which is where I am right now. Fucking frustrated!
"I keep telling myself/ I'm not the desperate type/ sitting out dances on the wall/ trying to forget everything that isn't you/ i'm not going home alone/ because I don't do too well on my own..."
to be continued...