FANFIC
I really did it. :| I gave in to the urges and wrote some drabble-y Dean/Sam thing. It's probably been done before, but I was listening to music and I just started writing and it happened. It's probably crappy, but hey, whatever. Read or don't.
Title: Kissing Dean
Author: randomcrimes
Characters/Pairings: Dean/Sam.
Summary: Sam never does what he's supposed to.
Warning: Boykissing, Wincest. Fluff -ohshit- the fluff. x_x I love angst, so I'm actually surprised I wrote this.
Disclaimer: I own nothing. :[
[BUT NOTHING SEEMS IMPORTANT ANYMORE, WE’RE JUST PROTECTING OURSELVES FROM OURSELF. I DON’T THINK I’LL EVER COME BACK DOWN, I DON’T THINK I’LL EVER COME BACK DOWN, I DON’T THINK I’LL EVER COME BACK DOWN, I DON’T THINK I’LL EVER COME BACK]
+++
Sam knows more than he lets on.
His world’s been shattered for a couple years now. And he still remembers that Chirstmas. He felt like his life was over, back then. Sometimes he still feels like that little boy and he wants to cry, he wants to cry for all the normal things he never had and will never get. He wants Dean to make everything go away. He wants John to be home. He wants a home for John to be able to come back from hunts to and one for Dean to finally understand what it is, because even though he won't say so, Sam knows he wants one. He wants to remember the Mother he’s supposed to miss, but it’s hard to miss something you never really had.
It sucks, it really, really sucks -not being able to do kid things, because he’s supposed to grow up now, he’s supposed to come into the Winchester family tradition. “Hunting bad guys, saving good guys- super hero kinda stuff.” And even as it comes out of Dean’s mouth, Sam doesn’t smile.
He doesn’t even blink.
It’s the last thing he wants.
Sam has questions and he wants answers. He wants to learn, he wants to make something of himself, he wants to be a doctor or a lawyer or maybe even a manager of some boring, back-road town’s grocery store - he doesn’t really care, so long as it’s ordinary. Apple-pie kind of life. Big house, white picket fence, beautiful wife and two-point five kids. That is the life he grows up wanting, the one he will never forget he’s missing so long as he is following in the footsteps of his Father and Brother, trying to be what they want, everything they need, because god forbid he speak up and say he wants to live in one place for more than three weeks.
And Dean understands.
Dean came to his own faster than Sammy did, long before Sam even suspects the monster under his bed is real. He remembers the night of the fire; he remembers Mary and her blonde hair and the warmness and their happy family. He remembers and in not forgetting, he is ruined. He is damaged goods. Dean can never forget and in that way he is taking responsibility for Sam, he is stepping up, he is everything John is not. He is exactly what Sam needs, when Sam needs it, because it’s the closest to making up for not being normal that Dean can manage.
Sam’s not really sure how "IT" started; he only knows that it does.
It’s not normal, it’s bizarre and fucked and completely dysfunctional (even for them) -and everything he doesn’t want, except that it’s perfect. When they kiss, for the first time, he’s shocked. He thinks it should be repulsion, because (ohgod) Dean’s his brother (and they’re going to hell) and this is the sort of thing that shouldn’t be kept in the family. But it’s right, it’s so right, it’s the only right he’s felt in the longest time in a world of so much wrong and he can’t say no. Even when he knows he’s supposed to.
Sam never does what he’s supposed to anyway.
So, he keeps kissing Dean, because Dean’s the only one who’s ever tried to make him feel normal.
And for now, in the moment, at the ripe age of fifteen - it’s enough.
Maybe they’re going to hell, maybe John’s going to kill him when and not if he finds out, but Sam can’t bring himself to care. Dean’s always been the one around, he’s been everything and nothing at the appropriate time in Sam’s life. He played whatever role was needed without question. Best friend, guardian, enemy, brother, teacher, student, you name it-Dean’s done it-for Sam.
Kissing Dean feels like home, feels like what he’s missing, feels like he doesn’t need any more answers to his questions, makes him honestly, truly, without a doubt, lose everything that’s on his mind, makes him feel real and important and simplistic and complicated at the exact same time.
He’ll keep kissing Dean forever if it means he can keep this feeling.
Title: Kissing Dean
Author: randomcrimes
Characters/Pairings: Dean/Sam.
Summary: Sam never does what he's supposed to.
Warning: Boykissing, Wincest. Fluff -ohshit- the fluff. x_x I love angst, so I'm actually surprised I wrote this.
Disclaimer: I own nothing. :[
[BUT NOTHING SEEMS IMPORTANT ANYMORE, WE’RE JUST PROTECTING OURSELVES FROM OURSELF. I DON’T THINK I’LL EVER COME BACK DOWN, I DON’T THINK I’LL EVER COME BACK DOWN, I DON’T THINK I’LL EVER COME BACK DOWN, I DON’T THINK I’LL EVER COME BACK]
+++
Sam knows more than he lets on.
His world’s been shattered for a couple years now. And he still remembers that Chirstmas. He felt like his life was over, back then. Sometimes he still feels like that little boy and he wants to cry, he wants to cry for all the normal things he never had and will never get. He wants Dean to make everything go away. He wants John to be home. He wants a home for John to be able to come back from hunts to and one for Dean to finally understand what it is, because even though he won't say so, Sam knows he wants one. He wants to remember the Mother he’s supposed to miss, but it’s hard to miss something you never really had.
It sucks, it really, really sucks -not being able to do kid things, because he’s supposed to grow up now, he’s supposed to come into the Winchester family tradition. “Hunting bad guys, saving good guys- super hero kinda stuff.” And even as it comes out of Dean’s mouth, Sam doesn’t smile.
He doesn’t even blink.
It’s the last thing he wants.
Sam has questions and he wants answers. He wants to learn, he wants to make something of himself, he wants to be a doctor or a lawyer or maybe even a manager of some boring, back-road town’s grocery store - he doesn’t really care, so long as it’s ordinary. Apple-pie kind of life. Big house, white picket fence, beautiful wife and two-point five kids. That is the life he grows up wanting, the one he will never forget he’s missing so long as he is following in the footsteps of his Father and Brother, trying to be what they want, everything they need, because god forbid he speak up and say he wants to live in one place for more than three weeks.
And Dean understands.
Dean came to his own faster than Sammy did, long before Sam even suspects the monster under his bed is real. He remembers the night of the fire; he remembers Mary and her blonde hair and the warmness and their happy family. He remembers and in not forgetting, he is ruined. He is damaged goods. Dean can never forget and in that way he is taking responsibility for Sam, he is stepping up, he is everything John is not. He is exactly what Sam needs, when Sam needs it, because it’s the closest to making up for not being normal that Dean can manage.
Sam’s not really sure how "IT" started; he only knows that it does.
It’s not normal, it’s bizarre and fucked and completely dysfunctional (even for them) -and everything he doesn’t want, except that it’s perfect. When they kiss, for the first time, he’s shocked. He thinks it should be repulsion, because (ohgod) Dean’s his brother (and they’re going to hell) and this is the sort of thing that shouldn’t be kept in the family. But it’s right, it’s so right, it’s the only right he’s felt in the longest time in a world of so much wrong and he can’t say no. Even when he knows he’s supposed to.
Sam never does what he’s supposed to anyway.
So, he keeps kissing Dean, because Dean’s the only one who’s ever tried to make him feel normal.
And for now, in the moment, at the ripe age of fifteen - it’s enough.
Maybe they’re going to hell, maybe John’s going to kill him when and not if he finds out, but Sam can’t bring himself to care. Dean’s always been the one around, he’s been everything and nothing at the appropriate time in Sam’s life. He played whatever role was needed without question. Best friend, guardian, enemy, brother, teacher, student, you name it-Dean’s done it-for Sam.
Kissing Dean feels like home, feels like what he’s missing, feels like he doesn’t need any more answers to his questions, makes him honestly, truly, without a doubt, lose everything that’s on his mind, makes him feel real and important and simplistic and complicated at the exact same time.
He’ll keep kissing Dean forever if it means he can keep this feeling.