My Health - Part Four - Step Two of My Plan
The first part of Step Two is to get more sleep as well as quite a lot more rest, even when I don't feel tired. In addition to the very time consuming food preparation, it feels as though I have a full time job operating a spa with only one client--me!
- Sleep - Everyone knows that sleep and rest are essential but now I understand more about how vital they are to adrenal recovery. This has been one of the most difficult changes for me; I prefer my old lifestyle, going flat out all day, every day, on a few hours of sleep each night. Eventually I learned the importance of napping from my husband, as I began to fall apart as his sleep apnea was killing him; he grew up napping in the heat of the day when he lived in Sudan as a child. Everyone napped as a matter of course; it was too hot to do anything else. In many cultures it is not a sign of weakness to need a nap. In fact, it is known to increase productivity in the workplace. My husband was in meetings with a high level executive visiting America from Spain. He said what he missed most while working in America was his afternoon nap!
There was a time when a nap would spoil my nighttime sleep. Then came a time when a cat nap of five or ten minutes could be very refreshing. Now, if I am at all tired, I head for the sofa. If I rest, that's fine; if I nod off, I nod off. If it happens more than once in a day, so be it. The time of day is rarely a factor unless it is very near bedtime. That is much earlier these days too but what a challenge!
In the past, if I went to bed too early (before 11:00-midnight) I could not sleep through the night, usually waking up up at 1 a.m., 3 a.m., and 5 a.m. when I could not usually go back to sleep. If bedtime was after midnight, I could sleep until 6 or 7 a.m.
Typically, adrenal fatigued people have difficulty waking in the morning, experience flagging energy in the afternoon and again in the evening with a second wind around 11 p.m. Except that I am an annoyingly bright-eyed and bushy-tailed morning person, the energy pattern for the rest of the day is classic me! It is not at all unusual for me to feel tired in the evening but be wound up at 11, then keep going until 1 or 2 a.m. Or later. In many articles on adrenal fatigue, the expression "tired and wired" is used frequently.
Since this second wind occurs at 11 p.m. I cleverly decided to be in bed by then to avoid feeling the desire to take advantage of that surge of energy. Since I feel quite refreshed after seven hours of sleep and since I naturally awake around 6 a.m., I was getting seven hours of sleep each night with one nap during the day. This new routine worked well for me--then I read that adrenal glands work their hardest to recover between the hours of 10 p.m. and 1 a.m. It was hard enough to go to bed at 11:00, how would I manage a 10:00 bedtime!?
Sure enough, my Naturopath recommended I go to bed at 10 p.m. Traditionally, this is a recipe for disrupted and less restful sleep and an early wakeup time. When I tried it several times in the last couple of weeks and couldn't fall asleep until at least 10:30 p.m. and woke several times before getting up between 5:00-5:30 a.m. For now I am going back to an 11 p.m. bedtime but may try 10 p.m. again in the future. My sole concern is positive results; however, if I am unable to sleep well enough, I will be satisfied with an 11 p.m. bedtime and daytime nap(s). One day I took three naps, including one at 6 p.m., after a day in town shopping, seeing a quilt show and visiting friends. Even with a late nap I was able to fall asleep quickly and sleep through the night.
- Exercise - Even the most gentle exercise is far too challenging for me at this point. My energy is so low that I can barely accommodate my most basic needs. To feed and care for myself is not only very time consuming but quickly tires me out. The mistake I made in the past was, when I felt a little better, I would start exercising--a few squats, pushups, presses and walking but nothing strenuous. In very short order I would have a setback. One step forward, two or three steps back. It was so frustrating to be so inactive and not be able to build up my strength again. How I miss hiking with the dogs, to the end of our property, up and down our mountain. I miss feeling strong and flexible.
Try a Prisoner squat. Feet shoulder width apart; toes under the knees and pointing forward; hands clasped behind your head; elbows out to the side; shoulders down; core engaged; squat down until the quads (upper thighs) are at least parallel to the floor; keep back straight but relaxed; hold briefly then return to standing position. Repeat 99 times. Without stopping. I used to do that every day. To warm up. Even my super-fit son was impressed with that. I loved to exercise. I was a gym rat. I had my own weights, benches, exercise equipment and fitness videos. The other day, standing at the sink doing the lunch and dinner dishes was so taxing, I had to stop three times to rest. I cannot even think about exercising until I improve a great deal. Instead of moving forward too quickly, I now I know WHY I must restrain myself for the time being. This is enough to keep me from repeating my mistake.
- Stress reduction - Since it can be so difficult to calm my racing brain, meditation is a challenge, but I will keep trying. Importantly, I have eliminated toxic situations and people from my life as much as possible; I have no energy to expend on anyone who cannot be supportive. It has been very interesting to learn about true friendships! There are people that I like and care about but that I have to let go just because there is not the time or energy for them now that my new health plan takes up so much time. There are only so many hours in a day and stress reduction also includes doing activities that make me happy and I have had precious little of that recently. The articles I have been reading may sum this up by saying, "Don't worry, be happy." Simple but true. It is important to laugh. If I am too fatigued for any activity and feel a bit blue, I induce laughter! Sometimes I curl up under a quilt and watch a movie, especially comedies. Even watching TV affords me a chance to laugh and rest at the same time. The Big Bang Theory and Fawlty Towers are guaranteed to produce great results.
Most mornings I do Qi Gong with Lee Holden. This is similar to Tai Chi, very effective, but easier to learn. My father studied Kung Fu in China and I remember him doing certain movements when he was fatigued in the late afternoon--I now know it was Qi Gong! It is relaxing, aids in proper body systems function, promotes healing, mental clarity and so much more. From the very first time I tried it, I felt the energy moving through my body, my fingertips tingled!
- Prevention - This is a crucial component in my life, after all, the last flu I caught that landed me in the ER was picked up from my husband who had been in town to run errands. He never came down with the flu but although I had not been anywhere in about two weeks, I did! Apart from the usual diligent hand washing, good nutrition, staying well hydrated, sleeping and resting adequately, I will receive all the vaccinations my doctor and pharmacist recommend, and especially want to inquire about the shingles vaccine. My mother suffered--really suffered--with shingles; it gave her more pain than her terminal cancer.
Oral hygiene has become a priority since I am more susceptible to infection from all sources. After every meal, I floss and brush. Morning and night I gargle and swish with Sterisol therapeutic mouthwash; it contains hexetidine. This is the product I wanted to buy last May in Ontario before going to the Quilts of the Netherlands show. I had to wait until after the show to buy it, and until late that evening to use it; by then it was too late. If I gargle with Sterisol at the very first sign of a scratchy throat, it does not usually progress. Last May I started too late and became very sick for three weeks, spoiling the rest of my vacation and precious time with my son and his girlfriend. Even worse, I was unwell for a total six months; I lost my voice and it has never returned fully. In fact, today, it was very croaky and I lost it a couple of times this afternoon.
Last but not least are twice daily nasal saline rinses. Yes, that's right, those little pots that I thought I would never use to pour water into my nose! Let me just say that this has changed my life! When I was so very sick last May with no sign of improvement, I saw a young student doctor who suggested three nasal rinses per day during my illness. Eventually I stopped once I felt better but began again when I suffered from seasonal allergies for the first time this spring. I've been using it ever since.
- Skin care - Since my rash began in 2005 and the onset of psoriasis in 2009, skin care has been essential, extensive and expensive. These days, I have two daily routines. If done properly, it takes about more than an hour. If I shower, it takes nearly two hours. Sometimes I find this routine so tedious that I might do a quick version at night. Also, it actually hurts my skin to cleanse it, and to apply the two prescription ointments and lotion. Lotion, lotion, lotion. By the end, I'm exhausted. Each of the two ointments costs over $100 per 60 gram tube (shorter than the length of my hand), and they each last about a month if I'm extremely careful. (My monthly cost for asthma medications is $140, my supplements are about that too.)
For six weeks last fall, I lived in Kamloops so that I could receive phototherapy three times a week at my dermatologist's office. He has since left for Alberta where he can charge higher fees. Between a rock and a hard place, I decided to buy a full panel home phototherapy unit. I take therapy every day; it lasts only seconds. In summer I like to take natural sunlight but this equipment will be most beneficial in winter when psoriasis is usually worse. During my six weeks of treatment in Kamloops, I did not use sunblock on the unaffected areas not requiring UVB exposure. I was horrified when I saw the change in the skin on the thumb half of my hands! WOW! Now I use a 60 SPF sun block on my unaffected areas, especially my face, neck, hands and upper chest--to avoid that leathery chest of an eldery sun worshipper.
- Supplements - My supplements include HMF Intensive or Forte (probiotics), milk thistle (liver detoxification), Adrenal Balance, Omega 3 (derived from anchovies, sardines, and mackerel--not salmon!).
- Castor Oil Pack - When I asked my Naturopath if she could help me keep costs down, she suggested I use castor oil packs to detoxify my liver. To be honest, I was a bit puzzled when she talked about liver damage as I associated that with excessive alcohol use. I do love a drink now and then, usually socially; I really do not drink very much alcohol. More research, more answers.
I am convinced that what we once considered "normal" exposure to chemicals in daily life is not longer considered acceptable. From birth through adulthood toxins have built up, poisoning our livers. In addition, my parents and grandparents had garden centres; back then, all the plants were sprayed with multiple chemicals. We were often in commercial greenhouses to shop for inventory or to visit my great-uncle who operated his own commercial greenhouse. Every inch of our transport vehicle was impregnated with chemicals from the plants. We lived behind and above the shop. We lived in a constant state of chemical immersion.
Not only was I constantly exposed to chemicals, my mother was, even more so. I moved away from home at eighteen. There is an accepted although unproven theory that there is a connection between chemical exposure and Multiple Myeloma, the incurable blood cancer that killed my mother.
In my particular case, I have been instructed to use castor oil pack treatments as frequently as up to daily. The treatment is as follows. Plain white flannel is soaked, but not dripping, in castor oil and placed against the abdomen over the liver. This is covered with plastic wrap to protect clothing from staining. Ha! My psoriasis has ruined my clothing--I bleed frequently--so this is irrelevant. Place a hot water bottle over the flannel and rest for 45-60 minute treatment. I now do this in the afternoon, so that I may nap during the treatment. It is rather pleasant to drift off with a hot water bottle! The oil-soaked cloth may be refrigerated in a plastic container or bag and reused for about 30 or more treatments. Taken from the refrigerator, it is warm enough to use by the time the kettle boils for the hot water bottle. The oil may be washed off the skin with a mixture of water and baking soda.
- Detoxification - In addition to my supplements, I will soon employ the most effective method of excreting the lifetime burden toxins from the body--a sauna. Incorporating a drink with black cherry juice and sea salt enhances the results. I have free access to a wood fired sauna but will have to wait until forest fire season is over. In the meantime, I will save up to buy my own sauna. Fortunately, I have two cherry trees. Normally I make preserves, jam, liqueur, and bake with our cherries; quite a few are eaten fresh and given away. This year I dried many of them when I was still quite tired, much of the first tree. When I had a bit more energy, I made juice from the rest of the cherries. If I run out before next season, our grocery and health food stores sell organic black cherry juice. I would never say this during processing season but I wish I had three trees!
So far, so good. Great, in fact. After one month since implementing my plan, it is clearly working; whereas before that I have only been able to maintain or gain weight and I have already dropped ten pounds. Note that the weight is not as significant as is the proof that my plan is effective! Since 2004 I have not been able to lose a single pound but have gained and gained, especially while taking high doses of prednisone. The only exception is during the period when my Naturopath took me off nearly all foods when I had severe allergic reactions to so many foods. During that time, not only did I drop weight but my hair fell out from lack of fat in my diet. Not the optimum method of weight loss! I have not seen the numbers on my scale drop in . . . what seems like forever.
My BFF and I met at a Wednesdy night Stitch 'n' Bitch session at a cross stitch (and later, quilting) store. A few years later went on a diet at the same time back and lost the same amount of weight. Week after week, the other women went absolutlely berserk over my friend's appearance, commenting on her little waist and great legs. They said not one word to me. Eventually, they stopped commenting on my stitching and looked at everyone else's holiday photos while mine sat untouched all evening. I was devastated. I thought these women were my friends! My BFF was even more disturbed. Her theory was that as we dropped weight, her slim pear shape was less threatening to them than my hourglass. I didn't want to think that, but it seemed the truth. She was so upset that she suggested we stop going. That was fine with me; I left that group with the one friend that really mattered.
My weight has always plagued me. When I looked and felt great, I was criticized. Now? Trust me, I don't give a shit what anyone else thinks about my weight! To my mind, this recent success is much less about the weight loss than about the success of my plan, even before starting the new supplements from my Naturopath which just arrived. I view the weight loss as the "canary in the coal mine" if you will; it is merely an indicator of positive changes. How thrilling to see that my research has paid off. But now, look at the time, 10:41 p.m.! I've got 19 minutes to get ready for bed! Good night!
Edit - 11 Aug 2012, 6:53 a.m. Just as I was about to post I lost my internet connection so I copied my post into a Word document and went to bed. As I was drifting off, I remembered my dream. In the last year, my dream life has taken a dramatic turn; I remember far more dreams and the most vivid ones prove to be premonitions.
Early this year, I had an extremely vivid dream of me beaming working in the garden. I had short hair, which I love, but can only wear when I am slimmer because of my round face and lack of chin. I was indeed slimmer and feeling fit and strong. As I woke from this dream, I knew it was my future.
- Sleep - Everyone knows that sleep and rest are essential but now I understand more about how vital they are to adrenal recovery. This has been one of the most difficult changes for me; I prefer my old lifestyle, going flat out all day, every day, on a few hours of sleep each night. Eventually I learned the importance of napping from my husband, as I began to fall apart as his sleep apnea was killing him; he grew up napping in the heat of the day when he lived in Sudan as a child. Everyone napped as a matter of course; it was too hot to do anything else. In many cultures it is not a sign of weakness to need a nap. In fact, it is known to increase productivity in the workplace. My husband was in meetings with a high level executive visiting America from Spain. He said what he missed most while working in America was his afternoon nap!
There was a time when a nap would spoil my nighttime sleep. Then came a time when a cat nap of five or ten minutes could be very refreshing. Now, if I am at all tired, I head for the sofa. If I rest, that's fine; if I nod off, I nod off. If it happens more than once in a day, so be it. The time of day is rarely a factor unless it is very near bedtime. That is much earlier these days too but what a challenge!
In the past, if I went to bed too early (before 11:00-midnight) I could not sleep through the night, usually waking up up at 1 a.m., 3 a.m., and 5 a.m. when I could not usually go back to sleep. If bedtime was after midnight, I could sleep until 6 or 7 a.m.
Typically, adrenal fatigued people have difficulty waking in the morning, experience flagging energy in the afternoon and again in the evening with a second wind around 11 p.m. Except that I am an annoyingly bright-eyed and bushy-tailed morning person, the energy pattern for the rest of the day is classic me! It is not at all unusual for me to feel tired in the evening but be wound up at 11, then keep going until 1 or 2 a.m. Or later. In many articles on adrenal fatigue, the expression "tired and wired" is used frequently.
Since this second wind occurs at 11 p.m. I cleverly decided to be in bed by then to avoid feeling the desire to take advantage of that surge of energy. Since I feel quite refreshed after seven hours of sleep and since I naturally awake around 6 a.m., I was getting seven hours of sleep each night with one nap during the day. This new routine worked well for me--then I read that adrenal glands work their hardest to recover between the hours of 10 p.m. and 1 a.m. It was hard enough to go to bed at 11:00, how would I manage a 10:00 bedtime!?
Sure enough, my Naturopath recommended I go to bed at 10 p.m. Traditionally, this is a recipe for disrupted and less restful sleep and an early wakeup time. When I tried it several times in the last couple of weeks and couldn't fall asleep until at least 10:30 p.m. and woke several times before getting up between 5:00-5:30 a.m. For now I am going back to an 11 p.m. bedtime but may try 10 p.m. again in the future. My sole concern is positive results; however, if I am unable to sleep well enough, I will be satisfied with an 11 p.m. bedtime and daytime nap(s). One day I took three naps, including one at 6 p.m., after a day in town shopping, seeing a quilt show and visiting friends. Even with a late nap I was able to fall asleep quickly and sleep through the night.
- Exercise - Even the most gentle exercise is far too challenging for me at this point. My energy is so low that I can barely accommodate my most basic needs. To feed and care for myself is not only very time consuming but quickly tires me out. The mistake I made in the past was, when I felt a little better, I would start exercising--a few squats, pushups, presses and walking but nothing strenuous. In very short order I would have a setback. One step forward, two or three steps back. It was so frustrating to be so inactive and not be able to build up my strength again. How I miss hiking with the dogs, to the end of our property, up and down our mountain. I miss feeling strong and flexible.
Try a Prisoner squat. Feet shoulder width apart; toes under the knees and pointing forward; hands clasped behind your head; elbows out to the side; shoulders down; core engaged; squat down until the quads (upper thighs) are at least parallel to the floor; keep back straight but relaxed; hold briefly then return to standing position. Repeat 99 times. Without stopping. I used to do that every day. To warm up. Even my super-fit son was impressed with that. I loved to exercise. I was a gym rat. I had my own weights, benches, exercise equipment and fitness videos. The other day, standing at the sink doing the lunch and dinner dishes was so taxing, I had to stop three times to rest. I cannot even think about exercising until I improve a great deal. Instead of moving forward too quickly, I now I know WHY I must restrain myself for the time being. This is enough to keep me from repeating my mistake.
- Stress reduction - Since it can be so difficult to calm my racing brain, meditation is a challenge, but I will keep trying. Importantly, I have eliminated toxic situations and people from my life as much as possible; I have no energy to expend on anyone who cannot be supportive. It has been very interesting to learn about true friendships! There are people that I like and care about but that I have to let go just because there is not the time or energy for them now that my new health plan takes up so much time. There are only so many hours in a day and stress reduction also includes doing activities that make me happy and I have had precious little of that recently. The articles I have been reading may sum this up by saying, "Don't worry, be happy." Simple but true. It is important to laugh. If I am too fatigued for any activity and feel a bit blue, I induce laughter! Sometimes I curl up under a quilt and watch a movie, especially comedies. Even watching TV affords me a chance to laugh and rest at the same time. The Big Bang Theory and Fawlty Towers are guaranteed to produce great results.
Most mornings I do Qi Gong with Lee Holden. This is similar to Tai Chi, very effective, but easier to learn. My father studied Kung Fu in China and I remember him doing certain movements when he was fatigued in the late afternoon--I now know it was Qi Gong! It is relaxing, aids in proper body systems function, promotes healing, mental clarity and so much more. From the very first time I tried it, I felt the energy moving through my body, my fingertips tingled!
- Prevention - This is a crucial component in my life, after all, the last flu I caught that landed me in the ER was picked up from my husband who had been in town to run errands. He never came down with the flu but although I had not been anywhere in about two weeks, I did! Apart from the usual diligent hand washing, good nutrition, staying well hydrated, sleeping and resting adequately, I will receive all the vaccinations my doctor and pharmacist recommend, and especially want to inquire about the shingles vaccine. My mother suffered--really suffered--with shingles; it gave her more pain than her terminal cancer.
Oral hygiene has become a priority since I am more susceptible to infection from all sources. After every meal, I floss and brush. Morning and night I gargle and swish with Sterisol therapeutic mouthwash; it contains hexetidine. This is the product I wanted to buy last May in Ontario before going to the Quilts of the Netherlands show. I had to wait until after the show to buy it, and until late that evening to use it; by then it was too late. If I gargle with Sterisol at the very first sign of a scratchy throat, it does not usually progress. Last May I started too late and became very sick for three weeks, spoiling the rest of my vacation and precious time with my son and his girlfriend. Even worse, I was unwell for a total six months; I lost my voice and it has never returned fully. In fact, today, it was very croaky and I lost it a couple of times this afternoon.
Last but not least are twice daily nasal saline rinses. Yes, that's right, those little pots that I thought I would never use to pour water into my nose! Let me just say that this has changed my life! When I was so very sick last May with no sign of improvement, I saw a young student doctor who suggested three nasal rinses per day during my illness. Eventually I stopped once I felt better but began again when I suffered from seasonal allergies for the first time this spring. I've been using it ever since.
- Skin care - Since my rash began in 2005 and the onset of psoriasis in 2009, skin care has been essential, extensive and expensive. These days, I have two daily routines. If done properly, it takes about more than an hour. If I shower, it takes nearly two hours. Sometimes I find this routine so tedious that I might do a quick version at night. Also, it actually hurts my skin to cleanse it, and to apply the two prescription ointments and lotion. Lotion, lotion, lotion. By the end, I'm exhausted. Each of the two ointments costs over $100 per 60 gram tube (shorter than the length of my hand), and they each last about a month if I'm extremely careful. (My monthly cost for asthma medications is $140, my supplements are about that too.)
For six weeks last fall, I lived in Kamloops so that I could receive phototherapy three times a week at my dermatologist's office. He has since left for Alberta where he can charge higher fees. Between a rock and a hard place, I decided to buy a full panel home phototherapy unit. I take therapy every day; it lasts only seconds. In summer I like to take natural sunlight but this equipment will be most beneficial in winter when psoriasis is usually worse. During my six weeks of treatment in Kamloops, I did not use sunblock on the unaffected areas not requiring UVB exposure. I was horrified when I saw the change in the skin on the thumb half of my hands! WOW! Now I use a 60 SPF sun block on my unaffected areas, especially my face, neck, hands and upper chest--to avoid that leathery chest of an eldery sun worshipper.
- Supplements - My supplements include HMF Intensive or Forte (probiotics), milk thistle (liver detoxification), Adrenal Balance, Omega 3 (derived from anchovies, sardines, and mackerel--not salmon!).
- Castor Oil Pack - When I asked my Naturopath if she could help me keep costs down, she suggested I use castor oil packs to detoxify my liver. To be honest, I was a bit puzzled when she talked about liver damage as I associated that with excessive alcohol use. I do love a drink now and then, usually socially; I really do not drink very much alcohol. More research, more answers.
I am convinced that what we once considered "normal" exposure to chemicals in daily life is not longer considered acceptable. From birth through adulthood toxins have built up, poisoning our livers. In addition, my parents and grandparents had garden centres; back then, all the plants were sprayed with multiple chemicals. We were often in commercial greenhouses to shop for inventory or to visit my great-uncle who operated his own commercial greenhouse. Every inch of our transport vehicle was impregnated with chemicals from the plants. We lived behind and above the shop. We lived in a constant state of chemical immersion.
Not only was I constantly exposed to chemicals, my mother was, even more so. I moved away from home at eighteen. There is an accepted although unproven theory that there is a connection between chemical exposure and Multiple Myeloma, the incurable blood cancer that killed my mother.
In my particular case, I have been instructed to use castor oil pack treatments as frequently as up to daily. The treatment is as follows. Plain white flannel is soaked, but not dripping, in castor oil and placed against the abdomen over the liver. This is covered with plastic wrap to protect clothing from staining. Ha! My psoriasis has ruined my clothing--I bleed frequently--so this is irrelevant. Place a hot water bottle over the flannel and rest for 45-60 minute treatment. I now do this in the afternoon, so that I may nap during the treatment. It is rather pleasant to drift off with a hot water bottle! The oil-soaked cloth may be refrigerated in a plastic container or bag and reused for about 30 or more treatments. Taken from the refrigerator, it is warm enough to use by the time the kettle boils for the hot water bottle. The oil may be washed off the skin with a mixture of water and baking soda.
- Detoxification - In addition to my supplements, I will soon employ the most effective method of excreting the lifetime burden toxins from the body--a sauna. Incorporating a drink with black cherry juice and sea salt enhances the results. I have free access to a wood fired sauna but will have to wait until forest fire season is over. In the meantime, I will save up to buy my own sauna. Fortunately, I have two cherry trees. Normally I make preserves, jam, liqueur, and bake with our cherries; quite a few are eaten fresh and given away. This year I dried many of them when I was still quite tired, much of the first tree. When I had a bit more energy, I made juice from the rest of the cherries. If I run out before next season, our grocery and health food stores sell organic black cherry juice. I would never say this during processing season but I wish I had three trees!
So far, so good. Great, in fact. After one month since implementing my plan, it is clearly working; whereas before that I have only been able to maintain or gain weight and I have already dropped ten pounds. Note that the weight is not as significant as is the proof that my plan is effective! Since 2004 I have not been able to lose a single pound but have gained and gained, especially while taking high doses of prednisone. The only exception is during the period when my Naturopath took me off nearly all foods when I had severe allergic reactions to so many foods. During that time, not only did I drop weight but my hair fell out from lack of fat in my diet. Not the optimum method of weight loss! I have not seen the numbers on my scale drop in . . . what seems like forever.
My BFF and I met at a Wednesdy night Stitch 'n' Bitch session at a cross stitch (and later, quilting) store. A few years later went on a diet at the same time back and lost the same amount of weight. Week after week, the other women went absolutlely berserk over my friend's appearance, commenting on her little waist and great legs. They said not one word to me. Eventually, they stopped commenting on my stitching and looked at everyone else's holiday photos while mine sat untouched all evening. I was devastated. I thought these women were my friends! My BFF was even more disturbed. Her theory was that as we dropped weight, her slim pear shape was less threatening to them than my hourglass. I didn't want to think that, but it seemed the truth. She was so upset that she suggested we stop going. That was fine with me; I left that group with the one friend that really mattered.
My weight has always plagued me. When I looked and felt great, I was criticized. Now? Trust me, I don't give a shit what anyone else thinks about my weight! To my mind, this recent success is much less about the weight loss than about the success of my plan, even before starting the new supplements from my Naturopath which just arrived. I view the weight loss as the "canary in the coal mine" if you will; it is merely an indicator of positive changes. How thrilling to see that my research has paid off. But now, look at the time, 10:41 p.m.! I've got 19 minutes to get ready for bed! Good night!
Edit - 11 Aug 2012, 6:53 a.m. Just as I was about to post I lost my internet connection so I copied my post into a Word document and went to bed. As I was drifting off, I remembered my dream. In the last year, my dream life has taken a dramatic turn; I remember far more dreams and the most vivid ones prove to be premonitions.
Early this year, I had an extremely vivid dream of me beaming working in the garden. I had short hair, which I love, but can only wear when I am slimmer because of my round face and lack of chin. I was indeed slimmer and feeling fit and strong. As I woke from this dream, I knew it was my future.