Leave a string behind.
Reaching out in deadened night,
Emptiness by candlelight,
Memory a haunted sea,
Souring in sudden rage,
The damage plagued upon my love,
Driven by this selfish urge,
To separate yourself from me,
But not the way you planned,
The gambit flow of shifting thought,
Shall ride a kiss upon my cross,
And with each moment of despair,
Lay to heart a lovely tear.
Within each bulb the salty sea,
Swims an ocean silently,
Swims the forest of my dreams,
Swims the essence of my being (...I call me)
Come ringing back now,
(can't explain),
The measures swept away in pain,
Hatred, will I escape your grasp,
Buried feelings let me pass.
I cannot kill this final flame,
The fire that once consumed my heart,
But Hope must have some kind of fuel,
And chance must keep this fire.
reduced to ashes, We run colder on the outside. A Spartan hope that dwindles near the source of this contempt. What has my hopeful certainty for the future returned upon my desperation and difficult memory, besides wasted moments, whose questions are not resolved? Simple things went un-addressed, until such time as they could only pass away. Losing you shall (forever mark my breast. Injury knows no justice.)
Swimming out the tears in my eyes
Looking for the shore,
I hope that this is the last time...
I hope that this is the last time...
I still have yet to finish the last entry I made and I'm starting a new. I want to go into depth about what emotions I've encountered over the weekend, but seeing as though a point needs to be made.. I should make it before explaining anything else.
I dreamt many things this morning.. some more important than others. At one point Rob was on the fold out bed of his couch cuddling with this girl who seemed friendly. I was there just to the side of them. It hadn't bothered me that he was close to her. She gave me a warm vibe. Although, Rob didn't seem himself throughout this dream. He seemed baleful. I could see it in his eyes. I ignored the assumption being as though he still pysically presented himself as Rob and in such should be so. I tried to grasp his attention. I started flirting with him, pulling him away from her. Not because of jealously, but because I wanted him near. He responded with interest and paid attention closely or so it seemed he was. I stood up in front of him, taunting him, seducing him with the movements of my body. The response I was working so hard for was quickly thrown away to this girl that came from the hall way, towards him, in nothing but her underwear. He told her how sexy she was in so many words.. while looking directly into my eyes, as if purposely trying to hurt me. He had reached his goal. Everything seemed against me at that point like it were set up in some manner. I felt closed out and hurt. I felt cold and distant. I felt alone. In an instant I was somewhere else. In a completely white room with two young children around the physical age of 8 or 9. Both had skin as if painted, matching the white of the walls, and were bald. Albino. The only thing in this room that had color were there eyes, myself, and this toy train and track in the middle of the room shaped in the form of a circle. One of the children seemed only part of the backround, the scenery. The second responded as if it were my own. I represented her father. It was if we were playing a game. Playing house only I wasn't entirely aware of it. When I realized that I wasn't her father and that I was me, I grabbed her attention. I held her face in my hands, looked into her eyes, and told her that I wasn't who she thought I was. I wasn't her father. I started to look away. Not wanting to see what reaction she held. I felt it would upset her. She grabbed my face with her hands to direct my attention to her eyes once again... and told me that she was me. The thought frightened me, although I didn't react to it physically nor mentally. I reacted calm even though I was scared. I kept her eyes in contact with mine and told her that I'm her mother. Everything paused. No words were spoken at that point. Reaction seemed to freeze for a moment. I realized I was dreaming while dreaming. I looked at her and told her that I was dreaming. Everything seemed rushed as soon as I realized it. I felt as if I hadn't any time left to spare. Her face began to blur, but she held on to me tight. Her attention still to my eyes. I fought the feeling. I fought waking up. Her image would blur and then sharpen the more I held on, but I needed to leave. I knew it wouldn't be much longer. I told her that I didn't have a choice and needed to leave. I arrived back in Rob's room. Standing across the room, staring at the bed with the two of us sleeping side by side. I walked toward the bed and floated above the both of us to where I laid. I attempted to set what I'll call my soul back within my body. Although I laid in contact with my body, I wasn't in my body. I tried to wake up Rob, squirmed, and nudged him, but nothing worked. I don't remember how I finally awoke, but I did. I woke up to him holding me seconds after. Facing the wall instead of him... facing where I fell asleep. I panicked. I started to shake in his arms. I could feel the tears rising. I had been gone so long it seemed I didn't know where I was now that I was awake. He held my face and body against his own and tried to get my attention, calm me down. I told him what happend and when I explained it hit me harder. I began to understand more and more of what happend. It seemed so real and putting it into words made it even more the real. I spent a lot of my time after calming down, analyzing what had happend. I came to many possible conclusions. I'm still not sure of which may be the answer.. and I don't believe there is an exact one answer, but I learned a few things. I learned to be more careful. I learned I need to stay more focused on what's happening around me.. pay closer attention.
We'll find the perfect place to go where we can run and hide. I'll build a wall and we can keep them on the other side...
Emptiness by candlelight,
Memory a haunted sea,
Souring in sudden rage,
The damage plagued upon my love,
Driven by this selfish urge,
To separate yourself from me,
But not the way you planned,
The gambit flow of shifting thought,
Shall ride a kiss upon my cross,
And with each moment of despair,
Lay to heart a lovely tear.
Within each bulb the salty sea,
Swims an ocean silently,
Swims the forest of my dreams,
Swims the essence of my being (...I call me)
Come ringing back now,
(can't explain),
The measures swept away in pain,
Hatred, will I escape your grasp,
Buried feelings let me pass.
I cannot kill this final flame,
The fire that once consumed my heart,
But Hope must have some kind of fuel,
And chance must keep this fire.
reduced to ashes, We run colder on the outside. A Spartan hope that dwindles near the source of this contempt. What has my hopeful certainty for the future returned upon my desperation and difficult memory, besides wasted moments, whose questions are not resolved? Simple things went un-addressed, until such time as they could only pass away. Losing you shall (forever mark my breast. Injury knows no justice.)
Swimming out the tears in my eyes
Looking for the shore,
I hope that this is the last time...
I hope that this is the last time...
I still have yet to finish the last entry I made and I'm starting a new. I want to go into depth about what emotions I've encountered over the weekend, but seeing as though a point needs to be made.. I should make it before explaining anything else.
I dreamt many things this morning.. some more important than others. At one point Rob was on the fold out bed of his couch cuddling with this girl who seemed friendly. I was there just to the side of them. It hadn't bothered me that he was close to her. She gave me a warm vibe. Although, Rob didn't seem himself throughout this dream. He seemed baleful. I could see it in his eyes. I ignored the assumption being as though he still pysically presented himself as Rob and in such should be so. I tried to grasp his attention. I started flirting with him, pulling him away from her. Not because of jealously, but because I wanted him near. He responded with interest and paid attention closely or so it seemed he was. I stood up in front of him, taunting him, seducing him with the movements of my body. The response I was working so hard for was quickly thrown away to this girl that came from the hall way, towards him, in nothing but her underwear. He told her how sexy she was in so many words.. while looking directly into my eyes, as if purposely trying to hurt me. He had reached his goal. Everything seemed against me at that point like it were set up in some manner. I felt closed out and hurt. I felt cold and distant. I felt alone. In an instant I was somewhere else. In a completely white room with two young children around the physical age of 8 or 9. Both had skin as if painted, matching the white of the walls, and were bald. Albino. The only thing in this room that had color were there eyes, myself, and this toy train and track in the middle of the room shaped in the form of a circle. One of the children seemed only part of the backround, the scenery. The second responded as if it were my own. I represented her father. It was if we were playing a game. Playing house only I wasn't entirely aware of it. When I realized that I wasn't her father and that I was me, I grabbed her attention. I held her face in my hands, looked into her eyes, and told her that I wasn't who she thought I was. I wasn't her father. I started to look away. Not wanting to see what reaction she held. I felt it would upset her. She grabbed my face with her hands to direct my attention to her eyes once again... and told me that she was me. The thought frightened me, although I didn't react to it physically nor mentally. I reacted calm even though I was scared. I kept her eyes in contact with mine and told her that I'm her mother. Everything paused. No words were spoken at that point. Reaction seemed to freeze for a moment. I realized I was dreaming while dreaming. I looked at her and told her that I was dreaming. Everything seemed rushed as soon as I realized it. I felt as if I hadn't any time left to spare. Her face began to blur, but she held on to me tight. Her attention still to my eyes. I fought the feeling. I fought waking up. Her image would blur and then sharpen the more I held on, but I needed to leave. I knew it wouldn't be much longer. I told her that I didn't have a choice and needed to leave. I arrived back in Rob's room. Standing across the room, staring at the bed with the two of us sleeping side by side. I walked toward the bed and floated above the both of us to where I laid. I attempted to set what I'll call my soul back within my body. Although I laid in contact with my body, I wasn't in my body. I tried to wake up Rob, squirmed, and nudged him, but nothing worked. I don't remember how I finally awoke, but I did. I woke up to him holding me seconds after. Facing the wall instead of him... facing where I fell asleep. I panicked. I started to shake in his arms. I could feel the tears rising. I had been gone so long it seemed I didn't know where I was now that I was awake. He held my face and body against his own and tried to get my attention, calm me down. I told him what happend and when I explained it hit me harder. I began to understand more and more of what happend. It seemed so real and putting it into words made it even more the real. I spent a lot of my time after calming down, analyzing what had happend. I came to many possible conclusions. I'm still not sure of which may be the answer.. and I don't believe there is an exact one answer, but I learned a few things. I learned to be more careful. I learned I need to stay more focused on what's happening around me.. pay closer attention.
We'll find the perfect place to go where we can run and hide. I'll build a wall and we can keep them on the other side...