=(
lately i've been really depressed. i just feel so lacking in alot of areas. I feel fat...but im not gonna sit and complain...im gonna workout now that im not sick anymore! I feel that school doesn't make a bit of sense....esp. accounting! I feel completely helpless and stupid...it seems like no matter how much i read and study i still don't understand =( i'm sick of school...I want my own house...but it all depends on me getting out of school next year. I feel horrible.....i almost feel like how i was in high school....almost to the point of not caring and just not wanting to live...i kinda feel that way. it's sometimes hard to contain the thought of just downing a bottle of advil or something....i remember when i did that in high school...i was home from school for a week. i wish i kinda didn't exist anymore...my life is better than most. but it seems i don't feel well again. i just don't care anymore....today i have accounting. i can't understand my hw and nothing makes sense. sometimes when i get this way i go talk to my grandfather...who is dead..i think it's time for a trip to rose hills again. i don't know what else to do...i almost feel so numb to things and that i have to hide being unhappy.....i don't know how much more i can take. think it's time to clear my head before i do something i regret....