(no subject)
....it's like what courtney asked me last night....
...[why are boys so complicated?]...
it wasn't til this morning that i became insecure and paranoid about whether or not...
he meant what he said in the letter...
i wish i wasn't paranoid all the time... DAMN
........----------------------------......................---------------------..............
and now that damn love song is playing...damnit!
baby i just don't get? do you enjoy getting hurt?
damnit! boys are just too complicated...i've never felt like crying like this in a long time...
....and it's like courtney said last night...you're life is a just like a breeze for a while and tehn BAM it's like you opened your eyes and you're totally lost as to what is going on...it's so hard sometimes...
and the worst part...is that when i feel this way..hearing stupid love songs like this just makes me remember...how much of a loser i am...damn...why do i even try to attempt to succeed in things...damnit!
.................i don't expect to have anyone care about this...i really don't....
but it just hurts it just does...i don't know why, i tri not to allow it to hurt...but i mean...i'm trying to just go with the flow of things...but i seriously can't help but think that god created me to laugh at...for his own personal amusement and entertainment. i'm like some creation he made that he can throw rocks at and laugh his holy ass off! damnit...and when people from church ever read this, they're gonna attack me with prayers...I DON'T WANT PRAYERS! THEY DON NOTHING FOR ME...NO HOPE, NO FAITH FULFILLMENT, NOTHING!
....it's hard being me....you'd never understand...i wish things would just stay one way for awile...just long enough for me to enjoy being me...just for this one time...
...[why are boys so complicated?]...
it wasn't til this morning that i became insecure and paranoid about whether or not...
he meant what he said in the letter...
i wish i wasn't paranoid all the time... DAMN
........----------------------------......................---------------------..............
and now that damn love song is playing...damnit!
baby i just don't get? do you enjoy getting hurt?
damnit! boys are just too complicated...i've never felt like crying like this in a long time...
....and it's like courtney said last night...you're life is a just like a breeze for a while and tehn BAM it's like you opened your eyes and you're totally lost as to what is going on...it's so hard sometimes...
and the worst part...is that when i feel this way..hearing stupid love songs like this just makes me remember...how much of a loser i am...damn...why do i even try to attempt to succeed in things...damnit!
.................i don't expect to have anyone care about this...i really don't....
but it just hurts it just does...i don't know why, i tri not to allow it to hurt...but i mean...i'm trying to just go with the flow of things...but i seriously can't help but think that god created me to laugh at...for his own personal amusement and entertainment. i'm like some creation he made that he can throw rocks at and laugh his holy ass off! damnit...and when people from church ever read this, they're gonna attack me with prayers...I DON'T WANT PRAYERS! THEY DON NOTHING FOR ME...NO HOPE, NO FAITH FULFILLMENT, NOTHING!
....it's hard being me....you'd never understand...i wish things would just stay one way for awile...just long enough for me to enjoy being me...just for this one time...