Fic: The Other Side of Us, Part 4
Title: The Other Side of Us
Author: random_nic
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: ATWT characters are the property of Telenext and CBS.
Word Count: 1250
Summary Lives are changed in the wake of a traumatic event.
September 10th
The memorial service had been nice, Reid supposed. Wasn’t that what people always said about funerals? Perhaps surprisingly for a doctor, he hadn’t been to many.
He didn’t have the kind of bedside manner that often prompted such invites from the families of patients he’d lost, which was fine with him. The failure was traumatic enough on its own. He never wanted to exacerbate it by listening to eulogies detailing the attributes of the loved one lost - the one he’d failed to save.
Most of Luke’s family and friends were far too upset to speak at the funeral. Reid had been invited to, as had Noah (of course); both men declined. He didn’t know why Noah had, but felt no need himself to lay his relationship with Luke bare for the judgment of all of Oakdale. They would surely find it lacking in comparison to the epic tale of Luke and Noah, which he knew everybody and their brother preferred.
Casey Hughes managed a tearful yet comic tribute, relating the hijinx of his friendship with Luke. Maddie Coleman showed a memorial video, combining photos of Luke’s life with excerpts of his favorite songs. And Holden Snyder moved the entire congregation to tears as he spoke of his lost son with deep affection and pride.
Following a brief ceremony to lay Luke to rest in Oaklawn Cemetery, the mourners all congregated at Snyder Farm. It was without question the most excruciating part of the day for Reid. It wasn’t that he even minded the attention paid to the stoic Noah; in fact, he was glad for once that everyone considered Noah the widower. It spared him the discomfort of being suffocated.
Still, he knew from the moment he stepped into the house that he didn’t belong there. People said the expected words; a few even offered awkward hugs. It was altogether horrific.
The feeling of being an outsider had been a consistent one from his earliest remembrances of childhood. It had long since ceased to bother him. On this day, though, it felt constricting; as if the longer he stayed in the midst of people so wholly unconnected to him, the less he was able to breathe. Especially after Noah seemingly disappeared, and more virtual strangers switched gears to direct the word vomit of their condolences to him.
“He saw something special in you.” Startled, Reid turned to find a red-eyed Emma Snyder regarding him with what appeared to be genuine kindness. “I don’t suppose the rest of us made it easy on him. We didn’t say it, but he knew we expected him to get back with Noah.”
“I expected it, too.” The words were out before Reid could stop the overshare. He hadn’t even consciously thought it before saying it out loud, but it seemed obvious now.
Luke would only let Reid get so close, and then pull back. Every time they took two steps forward as a couple, Reid felt like they were knocked at least one step back. He knew he was partly at fault; letting someone into his heart was unchartered territory, and his own resistance undoubtedly made Luke wary.
But his reluctance had a more tangible reason for treading carefully: Noah Mayer. Every time Reid thought Luke was finally ready to fully move on, Noah would somehow re-enter the plot. Luke would run into his ex in Old Town. Luke would find some item or other Noah had neglected to take with him when he moved out.
Luke wouldn’t sleep with Reid.
Reid hadn’t rushed him. It was frustrating, but Luke needed time, and Reid was surprisingly all right with giving it to him. But he wondered now if what he’d given Luke was the time to be ready to make love with him - or the time to forgive Noah, and reunite with his ex.
“I need to get out of here,” Reid blurted out suddenly.
“I understand.”
Somehow, Reid was pretty sure that she did. Emma reached up to gently pat his cheek. Moved by the unexpected realization there was one person here who actually seemed to see him, he impulsively leaned down to peck her cheek before turning to exit the Snyder kitchen.
******
September 11th
The next morning, Reid carried the last of the cardboard boxes into his new apartment. It had taken little effort to transport the few belongings he owned to the short-term rental. The most difficult aspect of the move had proved Katie’s resistance.
He knew she was hurt by his abrupt departure. Reid had soothed her by saying he needed space to deal with his loss, knowing she’d accept any explanation she felt revealed his vulnerability and humanity. Nevermind that it was bullshit.
Within a couple of weeks, Chris Hughes would be released. Reid conceded that he appeared to have matured since their younger days, and seemed to make Katie happy. Consequently, they came to a silent and mutual understanding to mostly leave the hatchet of their youth buried.
That said, Reid wasn’t about to live with the man in the confines of a small apartment. Every time he saw Chris, he’d remember. Everything Chris did, Reid would know.
Inside Chris Hughes beat Luke Snyder’s heart.
******
Unpacking hadn’t taken long. On leave from the hospital, Reid found himself with too much time on his hands, and nothing with which to fill it. Nothing besides memories of Luke, none of which offered comfort.
Driving to the cemetery seemed the logical course of action. Luke had left him. Luke had walked out of the hospital and out of his life without telling him; without even saying goodbye.
Reid had a few bones to pick with Luke Snyder.
Why he’d thought railing at a freshly dug grave would help, Reid didn’t know. He simply lacked any better ideas. His poorly conceived plans fell through, anyway, when he neared the gravesite and found someone had beaten him to the punch.
From his proximity behind the kneeling man, Reid could see Noah wasn’t yelling. He wasn’t cursing Luke out for abandoning them and leaving nothing but pain as a memento. Reid debated whether to remain and wait for his turn, or leave and come back later.
Then he heard it. Faintly, at first, but audible just the same. One word, spoken over and over, with each repetition more plaintive and lost than the previous one.
Please.
Reid stood transfixed as the word grew louder; more insistent. Please. He watch as Noah’s body slumped to the ground face-first, his fingers clutching at the earth as if it was Luke himself. Please.
Reid had come here to rip Luke a new one. He was unspeakably angry with his boyfriend for making him care - making him love - and then getting himself killed. But Noah wasn’t here to do the same.
He’d come to beg Luke to live again. The impossibility of such a request made no difference. Noah’s pleas grew more impassioned; more desperate. Soon, the stoic front Noah had shown them all collapsed completely as he sobbed into the dirt, repeating the same word until Reid couldn’t stand to watch anymore.
He made it back to the car without alerting Noah to his presence. As he drove off, Reid blinked hard to hold back the first tears to overtake him since the accident. Of everything that could’ve affected him so strongly in the wake of Luke’s death, the last thing he’d ever have expected to leave him so shaken was Noah Mayer.
Chapter 5
Author: random_nic
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: ATWT characters are the property of Telenext and CBS.
Word Count: 1250
Summary Lives are changed in the wake of a traumatic event.
September 10th
The memorial service had been nice, Reid supposed. Wasn’t that what people always said about funerals? Perhaps surprisingly for a doctor, he hadn’t been to many.
He didn’t have the kind of bedside manner that often prompted such invites from the families of patients he’d lost, which was fine with him. The failure was traumatic enough on its own. He never wanted to exacerbate it by listening to eulogies detailing the attributes of the loved one lost - the one he’d failed to save.
Most of Luke’s family and friends were far too upset to speak at the funeral. Reid had been invited to, as had Noah (of course); both men declined. He didn’t know why Noah had, but felt no need himself to lay his relationship with Luke bare for the judgment of all of Oakdale. They would surely find it lacking in comparison to the epic tale of Luke and Noah, which he knew everybody and their brother preferred.
Casey Hughes managed a tearful yet comic tribute, relating the hijinx of his friendship with Luke. Maddie Coleman showed a memorial video, combining photos of Luke’s life with excerpts of his favorite songs. And Holden Snyder moved the entire congregation to tears as he spoke of his lost son with deep affection and pride.
Following a brief ceremony to lay Luke to rest in Oaklawn Cemetery, the mourners all congregated at Snyder Farm. It was without question the most excruciating part of the day for Reid. It wasn’t that he even minded the attention paid to the stoic Noah; in fact, he was glad for once that everyone considered Noah the widower. It spared him the discomfort of being suffocated.
Still, he knew from the moment he stepped into the house that he didn’t belong there. People said the expected words; a few even offered awkward hugs. It was altogether horrific.
The feeling of being an outsider had been a consistent one from his earliest remembrances of childhood. It had long since ceased to bother him. On this day, though, it felt constricting; as if the longer he stayed in the midst of people so wholly unconnected to him, the less he was able to breathe. Especially after Noah seemingly disappeared, and more virtual strangers switched gears to direct the word vomit of their condolences to him.
“He saw something special in you.” Startled, Reid turned to find a red-eyed Emma Snyder regarding him with what appeared to be genuine kindness. “I don’t suppose the rest of us made it easy on him. We didn’t say it, but he knew we expected him to get back with Noah.”
“I expected it, too.” The words were out before Reid could stop the overshare. He hadn’t even consciously thought it before saying it out loud, but it seemed obvious now.
Luke would only let Reid get so close, and then pull back. Every time they took two steps forward as a couple, Reid felt like they were knocked at least one step back. He knew he was partly at fault; letting someone into his heart was unchartered territory, and his own resistance undoubtedly made Luke wary.
But his reluctance had a more tangible reason for treading carefully: Noah Mayer. Every time Reid thought Luke was finally ready to fully move on, Noah would somehow re-enter the plot. Luke would run into his ex in Old Town. Luke would find some item or other Noah had neglected to take with him when he moved out.
Luke wouldn’t sleep with Reid.
Reid hadn’t rushed him. It was frustrating, but Luke needed time, and Reid was surprisingly all right with giving it to him. But he wondered now if what he’d given Luke was the time to be ready to make love with him - or the time to forgive Noah, and reunite with his ex.
“I need to get out of here,” Reid blurted out suddenly.
“I understand.”
Somehow, Reid was pretty sure that she did. Emma reached up to gently pat his cheek. Moved by the unexpected realization there was one person here who actually seemed to see him, he impulsively leaned down to peck her cheek before turning to exit the Snyder kitchen.
******
September 11th
The next morning, Reid carried the last of the cardboard boxes into his new apartment. It had taken little effort to transport the few belongings he owned to the short-term rental. The most difficult aspect of the move had proved Katie’s resistance.
He knew she was hurt by his abrupt departure. Reid had soothed her by saying he needed space to deal with his loss, knowing she’d accept any explanation she felt revealed his vulnerability and humanity. Nevermind that it was bullshit.
Within a couple of weeks, Chris Hughes would be released. Reid conceded that he appeared to have matured since their younger days, and seemed to make Katie happy. Consequently, they came to a silent and mutual understanding to mostly leave the hatchet of their youth buried.
That said, Reid wasn’t about to live with the man in the confines of a small apartment. Every time he saw Chris, he’d remember. Everything Chris did, Reid would know.
Inside Chris Hughes beat Luke Snyder’s heart.
******
Unpacking hadn’t taken long. On leave from the hospital, Reid found himself with too much time on his hands, and nothing with which to fill it. Nothing besides memories of Luke, none of which offered comfort.
Driving to the cemetery seemed the logical course of action. Luke had left him. Luke had walked out of the hospital and out of his life without telling him; without even saying goodbye.
Reid had a few bones to pick with Luke Snyder.
Why he’d thought railing at a freshly dug grave would help, Reid didn’t know. He simply lacked any better ideas. His poorly conceived plans fell through, anyway, when he neared the gravesite and found someone had beaten him to the punch.
From his proximity behind the kneeling man, Reid could see Noah wasn’t yelling. He wasn’t cursing Luke out for abandoning them and leaving nothing but pain as a memento. Reid debated whether to remain and wait for his turn, or leave and come back later.
Then he heard it. Faintly, at first, but audible just the same. One word, spoken over and over, with each repetition more plaintive and lost than the previous one.
Please.
Reid stood transfixed as the word grew louder; more insistent. Please. He watch as Noah’s body slumped to the ground face-first, his fingers clutching at the earth as if it was Luke himself. Please.
Reid had come here to rip Luke a new one. He was unspeakably angry with his boyfriend for making him care - making him love - and then getting himself killed. But Noah wasn’t here to do the same.
He’d come to beg Luke to live again. The impossibility of such a request made no difference. Noah’s pleas grew more impassioned; more desperate. Soon, the stoic front Noah had shown them all collapsed completely as he sobbed into the dirt, repeating the same word until Reid couldn’t stand to watch anymore.
He made it back to the car without alerting Noah to his presence. As he drove off, Reid blinked hard to hold back the first tears to overtake him since the accident. Of everything that could’ve affected him so strongly in the wake of Luke’s death, the last thing he’d ever have expected to leave him so shaken was Noah Mayer.
Chapter 5