Fic: Guest Spot
Title: Guest Spot
Author: random_nic
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 976
Warning: RPF. Sort of.
Disclaimer: I promise, this is harmless. And these characters are fake. Fake. Fake. Fake. FAKE. No matter how familiar they might seem.
Summary: Jake guest stars on a popular TV show.
Notes: A last-minute substitution for Neid Lil' Bang.
"You are never gonna guess who plays the murder victim."
"Michael Keaton," came the lightning quick reply over the phone.
"No," Jake chuckled, as he sat in make-up for his guest spot on Law and Order. "That would be pretty sweet. But no."
"I didn't really think so. You're missing the fangirl squeal."
Jake, who'd been ready to reveal the real answer, immediately switched gears to defend himself. "I do not 'fangirl squeal'."
Van didn't bother to respond. He just waited a moment, and-
"All right. Maybe I would a little, if-"
"Whatever, Jake. Who is it?"
"Who is what?"
Van exasperatedly pinched the bridge of his nose. "Did you call specifically to give me a headache, or was there some other reason?"
"Oh! Yeah, so, the guy playing the murder victim. Lemme put him on the phone."
Van balked. "What? Jake? Do I even know this person?"
A voice that decidedly wasn't Jake's replied. "Hi, Van."
"Hello? Who is this?"
"Geez. You kiss a guy repeatedly, spend months working side-by-side-"
"Eric?! Oh my God. So, wait. Jake kills you on Law and Order?"
On the other end of the phone, Eric threw a conspiratorial smile to his once-and-current co-star. "I can't tell you. You'll just have to watch the episode."
"Oh come on," Van insisted. "Did Jake swear you to secrecy?"
There was a pause. "I cannot answer that question, on the grounds that it may incriminate... Jake."
Van rolled his eyes at the peal of laughter clearly audible in the background of the call.
________________________________________
"Guys, there's been a re-write. We need you back tomorrow for one last scene." The producer handed copies of the revised script to each actor before hurrying off to bring the remaining cast up to speed.
"Both of us?" Eric was understandably confused. His character was the victim - missing and presumed dead. The fact that the show wanted both he and Jake for the scene had to mean they were filming some sort of flashback.
Both actors scanned through the new pages. They expected to find an altercation between Eric's Wall Street CEO, and Jake's young lothario, who'd bedded the tycoon's wife and was charged with killing the man. They must've read at exactly the same speed, since they simultaneously stopped dead, and shared a look of surprise.
________________________________________
As the hourlong episode unfolded, Van failed to notice himself leaning increasingly forward on his couch. The show was that good. Eric was terrific as Robert Highton, the high-powered executive who'd callously cheated enough people to create a pool full of suspects in his demise. And Jake shined as Brett, the suave gigolo who'd charmed the man's wife into a torrid affair.
In the final minutes, Van was stunned by the twist that occurred. It turned out that Jake's character was cleared of murder, when a video surfaced showing the unfaithful wife trying to hire a contract killer. The woman insisted it was her lover's idea, but with no evidence linking him to the plot, Brett was released.
Van watched the final moments, preparing to call Jake to congratulate his character on getting away with murder. Onscreen, a squad room scene taking place weeks later closed the show. "We have to release Mrs. Highton," a detective explained.
"Why the hell would we do that?" his partner questioned.
"Take a look."
The first detective played the video footage that had just surfaced. In it, Jake's character, Brett, was shown dancing in a club, writhing and pressing against... another man. The second cop thought it was odd the guy turned out to be bisexual, but didn't understand what that had to do with their case - until the other man's face became visible.
Robert Highton. The murder victim.
"What the hell?" questioned the second cop.
"Highton was about to lose everything. He'd bankrupted the company, and faced a laundry list of criminal charges. It's the perfect crime. He goes missing, there are signs of foul play in the home he shares with his wife, the cheating spouse is the beneficiary of the life insurance payout..."
"Who got the money when she was charged with murder?"
"A cousin living abroad. Who I'm sure made a tidy sum by funnelling the money to Highton, and offering the guy and his lover sanctuary in a country with no extradition treaty with the United States."
"But wait!" The second detective still struggled to catch up. "Brett Joyner was having an affair with Highton's wife!"
"An affair Highton clearly put him up to, to create suspicion around Mrs. Highton."
"Oh my God," the cop said, as he watched Joyner and Highton frantically grappling one another, furiously devouring each other's lips onscreen.
"Oh my God," Van said, as he watched Jake and Eric frantically grappling one another, furiously devouring each other's lips onscreen. The screen faded to black, and he speed-dialled Jake, who picked up on the first half-ring.
"So, what'd you think?"
"I think...," Van began, grasping for the words to describe the proud yet bizarre feeling in his gut. "I mean... I think... why do I feel like I just got double-cheated on?!"
Jake chuckled. Such a statement may not make sense to absolutely anybody else, but he got it. "If it's any consolation, we kinda felt like we double-cheated on you."
"Good," Van joked. "So. This is the part where you say I'm the better kisser, just fyi."
"Hmm," Jake considered. "You're good, I admit. But, you've kissed him. You know."
"Really? You can't even let me have this?"
Realizing the sheer stupidity of their conversation, they both burst into laughter. After catching up for a few minutes, Van let Jake go to field the incoming calls from his family. Then Van opened his laptop, shooting off an email to his other ex-fake boyfriend:
If Luke had seen THAT, he would've driven the damn train.
Author: random_nic
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 976
Warning: RPF. Sort of.
Disclaimer: I promise, this is harmless. And these characters are fake. Fake. Fake. Fake. FAKE. No matter how familiar they might seem.
Summary: Jake guest stars on a popular TV show.
Notes: A last-minute substitution for Neid Lil' Bang.
"You are never gonna guess who plays the murder victim."
"Michael Keaton," came the lightning quick reply over the phone.
"No," Jake chuckled, as he sat in make-up for his guest spot on Law and Order. "That would be pretty sweet. But no."
"I didn't really think so. You're missing the fangirl squeal."
Jake, who'd been ready to reveal the real answer, immediately switched gears to defend himself. "I do not 'fangirl squeal'."
Van didn't bother to respond. He just waited a moment, and-
"All right. Maybe I would a little, if-"
"Whatever, Jake. Who is it?"
"Who is what?"
Van exasperatedly pinched the bridge of his nose. "Did you call specifically to give me a headache, or was there some other reason?"
"Oh! Yeah, so, the guy playing the murder victim. Lemme put him on the phone."
Van balked. "What? Jake? Do I even know this person?"
A voice that decidedly wasn't Jake's replied. "Hi, Van."
"Hello? Who is this?"
"Geez. You kiss a guy repeatedly, spend months working side-by-side-"
"Eric?! Oh my God. So, wait. Jake kills you on Law and Order?"
On the other end of the phone, Eric threw a conspiratorial smile to his once-and-current co-star. "I can't tell you. You'll just have to watch the episode."
"Oh come on," Van insisted. "Did Jake swear you to secrecy?"
There was a pause. "I cannot answer that question, on the grounds that it may incriminate... Jake."
Van rolled his eyes at the peal of laughter clearly audible in the background of the call.
________________________________________
"Guys, there's been a re-write. We need you back tomorrow for one last scene." The producer handed copies of the revised script to each actor before hurrying off to bring the remaining cast up to speed.
"Both of us?" Eric was understandably confused. His character was the victim - missing and presumed dead. The fact that the show wanted both he and Jake for the scene had to mean they were filming some sort of flashback.
Both actors scanned through the new pages. They expected to find an altercation between Eric's Wall Street CEO, and Jake's young lothario, who'd bedded the tycoon's wife and was charged with killing the man. They must've read at exactly the same speed, since they simultaneously stopped dead, and shared a look of surprise.
________________________________________
As the hourlong episode unfolded, Van failed to notice himself leaning increasingly forward on his couch. The show was that good. Eric was terrific as Robert Highton, the high-powered executive who'd callously cheated enough people to create a pool full of suspects in his demise. And Jake shined as Brett, the suave gigolo who'd charmed the man's wife into a torrid affair.
In the final minutes, Van was stunned by the twist that occurred. It turned out that Jake's character was cleared of murder, when a video surfaced showing the unfaithful wife trying to hire a contract killer. The woman insisted it was her lover's idea, but with no evidence linking him to the plot, Brett was released.
Van watched the final moments, preparing to call Jake to congratulate his character on getting away with murder. Onscreen, a squad room scene taking place weeks later closed the show. "We have to release Mrs. Highton," a detective explained.
"Why the hell would we do that?" his partner questioned.
"Take a look."
The first detective played the video footage that had just surfaced. In it, Jake's character, Brett, was shown dancing in a club, writhing and pressing against... another man. The second cop thought it was odd the guy turned out to be bisexual, but didn't understand what that had to do with their case - until the other man's face became visible.
Robert Highton. The murder victim.
"What the hell?" questioned the second cop.
"Highton was about to lose everything. He'd bankrupted the company, and faced a laundry list of criminal charges. It's the perfect crime. He goes missing, there are signs of foul play in the home he shares with his wife, the cheating spouse is the beneficiary of the life insurance payout..."
"Who got the money when she was charged with murder?"
"A cousin living abroad. Who I'm sure made a tidy sum by funnelling the money to Highton, and offering the guy and his lover sanctuary in a country with no extradition treaty with the United States."
"But wait!" The second detective still struggled to catch up. "Brett Joyner was having an affair with Highton's wife!"
"An affair Highton clearly put him up to, to create suspicion around Mrs. Highton."
"Oh my God," the cop said, as he watched Joyner and Highton frantically grappling one another, furiously devouring each other's lips onscreen.
"Oh my God," Van said, as he watched Jake and Eric frantically grappling one another, furiously devouring each other's lips onscreen. The screen faded to black, and he speed-dialled Jake, who picked up on the first half-ring.
"So, what'd you think?"
"I think...," Van began, grasping for the words to describe the proud yet bizarre feeling in his gut. "I mean... I think... why do I feel like I just got double-cheated on?!"
Jake chuckled. Such a statement may not make sense to absolutely anybody else, but he got it. "If it's any consolation, we kinda felt like we double-cheated on you."
"Good," Van joked. "So. This is the part where you say I'm the better kisser, just fyi."
"Hmm," Jake considered. "You're good, I admit. But, you've kissed him. You know."
"Really? You can't even let me have this?"
Realizing the sheer stupidity of their conversation, they both burst into laughter. After catching up for a few minutes, Van let Jake go to field the incoming calls from his family. Then Van opened his laptop, shooting off an email to his other ex-fake boyfriend:
If Luke had seen THAT, he would've driven the damn train.