if you don't wanna read my depresing babbles.....skip this entry.
I don't think I can begin to express just how fucking emotional i am right now. I*ve cried for hours....and hours. Its not just one thing, its everything, and everyone. It all just kinda snuck up on me and smacked me in the face. I guess I*ve been trying to keep a happy face for all, but inside i was falling apart. Everytime I turn around there is someone in my face or in my space. I don't remember the last time I just had time for me and was alone. Not to mention how my parents tottally wanna kick aarons parents ass....just cause well aarons parents are asses. Sad thing is I think my parents are justified in doing it. Every week theres more drama with jim and laura (aarons parents) everything has to be done on there time frame.....and for some crazy ass reason, they need to have everything planned weeks in advance. Apparently they are having serious problems understanding 1. my baby sister is totally depressed, and my family recently found out shes been cutting herself. *sigh* And that I need to be home so i can not only help keep an eye on her, but help her understand whats all going on with herself......seeing as i used to cut too. And 2. that my aunt (my moms sister*n*law) her grandmother is dying. And after aarons lil bro told me that things would be so much easier if I didn't go with his family to columbus for their grandfathers 80th bday, in a week. I made other plans to watch alec, joel, and autumn (my three littlest cousins who are 7, 5 and three years old.) my uncle is a drill sargent and can't watch them, so i offered so my aunt could spend time with her grandmother. Aarons parents are pissed now that I can be there to drive back with aarons mother from ohio.
Theres just so much crap with everyone in my life. I feel like I*m arguing with EVERYONE!!!!!! my dad, my mom, aaron, my sis alicia, my sis amanda, aarons parents......and to top it off I haven't heard from fefe in like a week in a half. Shes not answering my calls or messages. I heard shes just been sitting in her room. But my feelings are totally hurt by her ignoring me. I*m not gonna be here for much longer. I just wish she would write back so i know shes not pissed or write and tell me to go to hell if she is pissed. Just something so my imagination wouldn't wander always thinking the worst.
Alicia graduated yesterday. she was valedictorian (cant spell for shit) I cried all the way through that too. Her speech was AWESOME! The best student speech i*ve EVER heard. I was/am so proud of her. Shes managed to finish school with a 4.0 while being a single mother of a 6 year old, and working full time. She got an award from the dean, was on the presidents list, and tons of other regonitions. I still get teary eyed thinking of how beautiful she looked giving her speech. its something i will remember for the rest of my life.
I need to go now. I*ve got coral (alicias daughter) to give alicia a day to sleep in. I*m sure the constant chatter of a six year old isn't helping my emotional state much. but at least its bed time. I*m sorry to post such a depressing entry. It*s just kinda what I*ve been feeling for awhile.
: \
love kelly.