what I say
So, I say that I don't care about him....
But when he's gone I wonder where he is
And I miss him.
What the hell is up with that?
I think I am overthinking things again and basically just looking for an excuse to justify my feelings.
Because the truth is I really don't care. When he comes back I take note, but mostly just because I need to be on guard again. Perhaps I don't miss him, I just don't know how to deal with being able to relax and be myself.
And also, when the good man is gone I really truly miss him. I wonder if he tells his friends about me, or what he tells his friends we are. And I ask the good boy to call me when he gets back-and he does. And it makes me incredibly happy. I have taken his goodness so much for granted that it makes me really sad. I feel like I haven't been as good to him as he has been to me.
I really want that boy. I can't imagine not being able to call him up randomly knowing that he will always say something to make me laugh. And I don't laugh because he says anything particularily funny, he's just so...him. And I adore it.
Now I've gone and gotten myself all worked up. I better go shut the door before anyone comes by. I wish I could just go pour my heart out to him right now. Because I've told him before that I liked him, but I never realized just how much he means to me....
Maybe knowing this will make it easier to tell him again. I think he knows.