My past has gained closure and acceptance in me.
I had a good night. it was filled with thinking in depth and serious moments.. telling a man that if he desired to end his life.. that if he did not see any reason to see the next day that he should in fact end it.. to talking about my years of youth as an 18 yr old in Helen Georgia with drop kicking a giant plastic santa in the balls and slipping on the slick ground and getting stuck..
I've found a friend I can truly call a brother. someone who I relate to and I hope vice versus.
I've made new friends to which I once called regulars at ABC, I ran into tonight and numbers were exchanged. and people called out my name because I hadn't been somewhere in a long time. And they missed me. actually missed me and exchanged numbers because they want to hang out with me outside the work realm.
And it was nice. And it was just that. nothing more and nothing less. I am on the cross roads of my life.. where I choose a multitude of paths.
One is to at like I did in my youth and be crazy and wild and free... but deep down it won't make me happy just distract me for a long time.
Or I could search out my heart and find who I truly love even if it means waiting in the shadows for someone to grow up on their own and experience life... or find someone else who can have a mutual equality with me.
But then there's also the middle realm. A fine line between the two... a choatic and troublesome attempt at a balance of logic and emotion.
I miss BAT TREAT. and I miss being Ham McBamster the Irish Loser. I miss Jahni Okami the underground samaurai. I need more skits and cameras and enjoyment in that aspect. but I need compassion and caring, and someone to take care of and love.
But I think I'll put that aside for some time now. I'm just going to have fun for now. I'm gettin my life together.. and it's not in St. Pete. I never fit in here. I'm a black sheep in a herd of sweaters. I'm saving up to move out and then next step is to move away. Build up my storylines and my portfolio so that I have something to show for myself.
But I have to finish the rough draft of my book first. It's easier when you don't have a loved one to worry about. Someone who you want to spend your every waking moment with and just love them.
I'm single. and it's just me.... no this isn't a woe is me I'm so sad bullshit rant. I'm single is not a bad statement.
I'm alone again, and I never messed up my life when I was like this because I could only focus on one thing.. me. So I can't lose track of my goals now.
And if shit works out.. maybe I'll find love in the state I move to. But for now. I'm just loving being me and only needing to be me.
I'm thinking of getting a new job and cutting my hair and dying it red again. I liked my red hair. and I miss it alot. I'm going to get a new bike so I can just ride to work every day rather than drive and save on gas. I'll be working a cardio excercise into my days at least 2 times daily so I can't beat that right?
Maybe I'll get myself to the point where I could do a back flip again.
I've found a friend I can truly call a brother. someone who I relate to and I hope vice versus.
I've made new friends to which I once called regulars at ABC, I ran into tonight and numbers were exchanged. and people called out my name because I hadn't been somewhere in a long time. And they missed me. actually missed me and exchanged numbers because they want to hang out with me outside the work realm.
And it was nice. And it was just that. nothing more and nothing less. I am on the cross roads of my life.. where I choose a multitude of paths.
One is to at like I did in my youth and be crazy and wild and free... but deep down it won't make me happy just distract me for a long time.
Or I could search out my heart and find who I truly love even if it means waiting in the shadows for someone to grow up on their own and experience life... or find someone else who can have a mutual equality with me.
But then there's also the middle realm. A fine line between the two... a choatic and troublesome attempt at a balance of logic and emotion.
I miss BAT TREAT. and I miss being Ham McBamster the Irish Loser. I miss Jahni Okami the underground samaurai. I need more skits and cameras and enjoyment in that aspect. but I need compassion and caring, and someone to take care of and love.
But I think I'll put that aside for some time now. I'm just going to have fun for now. I'm gettin my life together.. and it's not in St. Pete. I never fit in here. I'm a black sheep in a herd of sweaters. I'm saving up to move out and then next step is to move away. Build up my storylines and my portfolio so that I have something to show for myself.
But I have to finish the rough draft of my book first. It's easier when you don't have a loved one to worry about. Someone who you want to spend your every waking moment with and just love them.
I'm single. and it's just me.... no this isn't a woe is me I'm so sad bullshit rant. I'm single is not a bad statement.
I'm alone again, and I never messed up my life when I was like this because I could only focus on one thing.. me. So I can't lose track of my goals now.
And if shit works out.. maybe I'll find love in the state I move to. But for now. I'm just loving being me and only needing to be me.
I'm thinking of getting a new job and cutting my hair and dying it red again. I liked my red hair. and I miss it alot. I'm going to get a new bike so I can just ride to work every day rather than drive and save on gas. I'll be working a cardio excercise into my days at least 2 times daily so I can't beat that right?
Maybe I'll get myself to the point where I could do a back flip again.