(no subject)
Winter break is drawing near an end and a new semester approaches...
How exciting, there's nothing like the first week or so of a new semester. That's always my favorite. An opprotunity to go out there and meet some new people, which is something I crave more than almost anything right now. Cause lately I feel as though I'm stuck in a hard core rut, and perhaps meeting some new people could be the stick that pulls me out of it. I always seem to have that happen to me: complatancy. That can drive me nuts. My life just seems to be quite dreary lately. Nothing has been really giving me joy lately and nothing seems to add much to my life. I don't know what to do about that. I just have really felt down for the last week or so. Nothing seems to be going very well in my life right now, nothing bad really going on, but nothing very good as well. I'm stuck at the bottom end of middle in terms of quality of life right now and that's the place I hate being most. Moderately unhappy without many specific things to bitch about. I hate that. I'd rather be happy or sad, none of this undecisive sort of crappy bullshit. I'd rather have one extreme or the other. I'm so very tired of being stuck somewhere else. But what can you do about it except jusrt wait for another day and hope that it's better. It's a strange belief. That of waiting for tomorrow. I often hear that one just needs to wait for tomorrow, or that tomorrow will be better, or that you'll be happy someday, or you've got a bright future or something along those lines. Those are the empty statements I hate most. You can pretty much guess what tomorrow will bring. Tomorrow is almost always like the day that precedes it. Sure, the specific events may vary somewhat but the general mood or livelyhood will likely be the same as the day before. If the last few days have been shitty (or the last week, month, year(s), life) what evidence is out there to suggest that there'll be much variation to that in the near or distant future. Right now I'm just afraid that I'm going to be stuck permantly in this current state of mind/rut that I've been in for what feels like forever. I listen to those around me and they all say that tomorrow will bring hope and happiness, and I really want to believe them. It's just hard to believe that rationallity when all you've seen (in general) over the last who knows how long is just blah. That's pretty much how I can describe my last few years: blah. Nothing too particurally bad, but nothing that I'd really say has been that great. My happiness meter has been stuck at like 4 out of 10 for a long time. That's just enough to keep you going day to day pretending to be happy but low enough to pretty much drive out all remnants of optimism and motavation. I'd give anything right now just to have a week at 7 even. I can't remember the last time I was that happy. *Sigh*
Anyways, I'm sure that I've depressed the one or two people that are likely to read this enough now and I'll try and write something positive now.
Uhh, as I mentioned earlier a new semester is starting soon. I always love that happening. Hopefully I'll be more curagious than I normally am and I'll be able to talk to more strangers and perhaps muster up the curage to actually talk to and maybe ask out a girl. That would be nice. Hopefully I can motivate myself to go to class everyday and try my damndest. That's pretty much the only thing I'm looking foward to right now. I'm sorry I don't have that much more positives to report. Wait, I had a good time at Steph's 21st bday party. I know she mentioned that she was dissapointed that no one wrote about that in Live Journal so I'll humor her and go ahead and mention that in here. It was nice to see that many people all up at my place at once. It was interesting to see people drink that I don't normally see drink (Steph of course, Lindy, Livi, and Adair). Saw, um, more of certain people than what I'm used to seeing as well. All those in attendance of the party are welcome back here at my apartment when ever they wish.
Anyways, I think that I've written enough in this journal now.
Peace out, Randy
How exciting, there's nothing like the first week or so of a new semester. That's always my favorite. An opprotunity to go out there and meet some new people, which is something I crave more than almost anything right now. Cause lately I feel as though I'm stuck in a hard core rut, and perhaps meeting some new people could be the stick that pulls me out of it. I always seem to have that happen to me: complatancy. That can drive me nuts. My life just seems to be quite dreary lately. Nothing has been really giving me joy lately and nothing seems to add much to my life. I don't know what to do about that. I just have really felt down for the last week or so. Nothing seems to be going very well in my life right now, nothing bad really going on, but nothing very good as well. I'm stuck at the bottom end of middle in terms of quality of life right now and that's the place I hate being most. Moderately unhappy without many specific things to bitch about. I hate that. I'd rather be happy or sad, none of this undecisive sort of crappy bullshit. I'd rather have one extreme or the other. I'm so very tired of being stuck somewhere else. But what can you do about it except jusrt wait for another day and hope that it's better. It's a strange belief. That of waiting for tomorrow. I often hear that one just needs to wait for tomorrow, or that tomorrow will be better, or that you'll be happy someday, or you've got a bright future or something along those lines. Those are the empty statements I hate most. You can pretty much guess what tomorrow will bring. Tomorrow is almost always like the day that precedes it. Sure, the specific events may vary somewhat but the general mood or livelyhood will likely be the same as the day before. If the last few days have been shitty (or the last week, month, year(s), life) what evidence is out there to suggest that there'll be much variation to that in the near or distant future. Right now I'm just afraid that I'm going to be stuck permantly in this current state of mind/rut that I've been in for what feels like forever. I listen to those around me and they all say that tomorrow will bring hope and happiness, and I really want to believe them. It's just hard to believe that rationallity when all you've seen (in general) over the last who knows how long is just blah. That's pretty much how I can describe my last few years: blah. Nothing too particurally bad, but nothing that I'd really say has been that great. My happiness meter has been stuck at like 4 out of 10 for a long time. That's just enough to keep you going day to day pretending to be happy but low enough to pretty much drive out all remnants of optimism and motavation. I'd give anything right now just to have a week at 7 even. I can't remember the last time I was that happy. *Sigh*
Anyways, I'm sure that I've depressed the one or two people that are likely to read this enough now and I'll try and write something positive now.
Uhh, as I mentioned earlier a new semester is starting soon. I always love that happening. Hopefully I'll be more curagious than I normally am and I'll be able to talk to more strangers and perhaps muster up the curage to actually talk to and maybe ask out a girl. That would be nice. Hopefully I can motivate myself to go to class everyday and try my damndest. That's pretty much the only thing I'm looking foward to right now. I'm sorry I don't have that much more positives to report. Wait, I had a good time at Steph's 21st bday party. I know she mentioned that she was dissapointed that no one wrote about that in Live Journal so I'll humor her and go ahead and mention that in here. It was nice to see that many people all up at my place at once. It was interesting to see people drink that I don't normally see drink (Steph of course, Lindy, Livi, and Adair). Saw, um, more of certain people than what I'm used to seeing as well. All those in attendance of the party are welcome back here at my apartment when ever they wish.
Anyways, I think that I've written enough in this journal now.
Peace out, Randy