bah-hum-buggggg ((major, super long and detailed entry))
within the past week a lot has happened with me and my thinkings. i'll make a snazzy list.
- i got my ACT scores back from my testing in February and realized "hey i could actually get into U of I or any other college." and my mom's okay with the fact of me wanting to go there now.
- i let a teacher in on my personal life and they were completely cool with me even though i didn't know what to expect. it made me appreciate them more even though i'll deny it if you ask. when i told them though i felt like crying, it was weird.
- i've come to the realization that i can't depend on some people. they only consider themselves my "friend" so they can use me to drive them around or get them what they want..... meaning drugs or other substances. i did an experiment today to see if my logic was correct. i didn't strike up a conversation with them at all today and guess what..... they ignored me the whole fucking time. thanks friend....
- there's really only one person that i myself can depend on right now and that's me. if i hurt myself then it's my own fault. that leads to me not hating anyone or blaming others. i want other people to give a little bit of my dependance to, but that's gonna take me some time.
- for those who i do give my dependance to i'm grateful for you guys. you deal with my bi-polarness and always find a way to make my days radical. i got an email today that made me think if any of the statements in it were true. see the cut below....
- i got a hair cut. it allows me to hide from everything ((it also makes me look emo)) also new glasses that i like to wear. it's a change that i do enjoy. look at the end of the entry, if you make it there alive.
- i started doing something i shouldn't have, but now i get headaches without it. no good. stupid, stupid me. enough on that
- i guess i am going to prom? as of thursday we were going. i want to go, but if kyle doesn't it's his call since it is his prom either way i'm fine. i just wish he would make up his mind so i can schedule a hair appointment...haha since when did i care about these things??
- as for boys..... there are a few in my mind but i don't know what the hell i want with that. being singles fun and all, but there's those times when it's like hmm a boy would be nice right about......... now. i also think i'm defected. everyone's like "i made out with a boy last night" then i say "whoa wait are you dating them" they go "psh no" and then i hit them with my purse and yell "whore!" but now i think about it and i don't understand why it's such a big deal to me. there's nothing left out there for me to do anyways, really.
- lastly, i'm glad college is almost out. i need all of the college kids back home right now. i miss them soo much. i can't wait for summer to begin well it won't begin for me till the end of june but still it's almost here, my senior fucking year. hell yes!!!
- one more thing. if we have plans don't blow me off. yeah i can understand if something comes up but atleast make an attempt to tell me instead of leaving me to sit around all day incase you call to say lets go. i wouldn't want to be out with someone else and tell you no, that'd be mean. don't be rude.
i suppose this is gonna be the end of my bitching/ranting/and being me for this entry. livejournal and you probably couldn't handle any more.
these are the ones i thought were significant. think about if they mean anything to you and who you could put in each catergory.
- At least 5 people in this world love you so much they would die for you.
- At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.
- The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you.
- Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.
- You mean the world to someone.
- If not for you, someone may not be living.
- Someone that you don't even know exists loves you.
- Always tell someone how you feel about them; you will feel much better when they know.
here's the new glasses/hair look
