A quick drop-in from Maren and her annoying 'pep' sessionpsychicdreamerMay 16 2005, 12:40:13 UTC
Oh darling. Sometimes I read your journal and my heart just aches for you because you seem like you feel so lost. I want to just wrap you in my arms and hold you. I think back to the first day I ever saw you, this shy, tiny, beautiful girl sitting in the back of a classroom. My eyes picked you out and I knew right away, before even meeting you, that you were special. And I was right, you are.
You say you suppose you'll never get better. I know it feels like this. Trust me, I know. So I hope you can take it from someone who really does know what it is like to be unhappy about choices and oneself and life in general...someday, things will fall into place for you. It's not easy, you don't just decide to change...it's rather hard actually and comes only with time and experience. I'm not trying to pull the whole "You're just young and you don't know what you want yet" thing. I've heard that. And I still resent it, to this day. That makes you feel like you're doing something wrong. Or whatever you are upset about is unimportant, like it doesn't matter just because you're 'young'. Well, it does matter.
Looking back at the transition period between high school and where I'm at now, I've made a lot of bad choices. I've fallen behind, I've made mistakes, I've pushed people away by choice and had others leave because they couldn't handle my life. I don't know the details of yours right now, but I understand the raw feeling behind your words. They say that this is supposed to be the best times of our lives, and I do believe that is true. Because life does get harder as we get older. But I also think that these can be the worst times of our lives because we're still developing as adults and sometimes life hits us with stuff before we're ready. The mental overload can just tear a person apart. But another thing I've learned is that it's almost always possible to come back. You can't change those choices you consider bad, no. You wish you could, you dream you could. But you can't. You do learn to live with them though, and eventually...you learn to let go.
Someday, you'll be in a place where you are happy and satisfied with where and who you are as a person. Unfortunatly, it won't be tomorrow or the day after or the day after that. It's a long road, with speedbumps and potholes and all that other corny crap. But it's true. I have so much faith in you dear. You are a beautiful person, inside and out. And you'll make it. I know you will.
You say you suppose you'll never get better. I know it feels like this. Trust me, I know. So I hope you can take it from someone who really does know what it is like to be unhappy about choices and oneself and life in general...someday, things will fall into place for you. It's not easy, you don't just decide to change...it's rather hard actually and comes only with time and experience. I'm not trying to pull the whole "You're just young and you don't know what you want yet" thing. I've heard that. And I still resent it, to this day. That makes you feel like you're doing something wrong. Or whatever you are upset about is unimportant, like it doesn't matter just because you're 'young'. Well, it does matter.
Looking back at the transition period between high school and where I'm at now, I've made a lot of bad choices. I've fallen behind, I've made mistakes, I've pushed people away by choice and had others leave because they couldn't handle my life. I don't know the details of yours right now, but I understand the raw feeling behind your words. They say that this is supposed to be the best times of our lives, and I do believe that is true. Because life does get harder as we get older. But I also think that these can be the worst times of our lives because we're still developing as adults and sometimes life hits us with stuff before we're ready. The mental overload can just tear a person apart. But another thing I've learned is that it's almost always possible to come back. You can't change those choices you consider bad, no. You wish you could, you dream you could. But you can't. You do learn to live with them though, and eventually...you learn to let go.
Someday, you'll be in a place where you are happy and satisfied with where and who you are as a person. Unfortunatly, it won't be tomorrow or the day after or the day after that. It's a long road, with speedbumps and potholes and all that other corny crap. But it's true. I have so much faith in you dear. You are a beautiful person, inside and out. And you'll make it. I know you will.
Reply
Leave a comment