i need to move.

[rancidxmilk]

i need to get far, far away from this place.

this town, this city, this state.
all that is here for me is you, reminds of my memories, and the past.
i need a change, i need a new start.


i would have liked to have seen the world with you,
spend the rest of my days by your side, hand in hand.
i would have liked to give you everything,
but not the way i did- not the way i keep trying to do.
i would have liked to have met later on in life,
and fallen in love the same way we did, and it wouldn't have had to end.

i want to live by the ocean and spend my time giving all my thoughts to the waves.
i want to have a cottage or a house of my own, and all the tea i can drink.
i want to be in your arms and i want to be forgiven, i want to start over in a different place.
i want to be the perfect person for you, strong enough and sure of myself.
i want to help you, and save you, the way i can in my dreams.
i want you to love me the way i love you, i want her not to matter anymore.
i want everything we used to whisper about and plan, the house, the dogs, the kids, the life.
i want to sleep in your bed and wrap myself in the scent of you, the only thing that comforts me anymore.
i want you to be you, not what i made you, not what you are for your parents.

i chose you as my first, my only.
i messed up badly.
i'm wild and i'm selfish and i hurt you more than you can take, and more than you deserve.
i know that everything i feel is karma, that you felt this a hundred times worse.
i want the past to be the past, but i can't seem to let go.

you're the only one i think about.
everyone else is for show, for play.
you're the only one i want to touch me, to hold me.
all of my mistakes are taking their toll.
i'm trying to be better.
i want you to see that. i want you to love me.
i need you. how could i have thrown you away?
i love you so much & all i do is cry because you're not here.
not because i'm alone.

because you're not with me.