(no subject)
Title: Not What It Seems
Author(s): Rancid_born & veggielover
Pairing: Benjamin and Joel. GUESS WHAT! They're BROTHER'S!
Rating: NC-17
Summary: I’m a normal guy, right? Sitting at a back table and scoping out the one that I want to spend the night with. Looking for all the pretty women. Maybe so, but there is one problem; she is really a he. Benjamin goes to the same bar for weeks. There is one girl in particular that he has his eye on. (You'll just have to read it to find out what happens).
Disclaimer: None of this has happened. Although guys in drag are hot. ;)
Dedication: TO ALL OF THE MEN IN DRAG!
Comments are nifty. :)
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
How could I have let something like this pass me by? How was it that I never even noticed? It’s like I never even wanted to see it. I mean, he had his makeup done perfectly, and his mole was hidden so well. I stared in disbelief for a moment, but regained my composure, feeling somewhat disappointed in myself for not having seen it. I let my head fall, and placed my hand on my hip before looking to Joel who had covered himself with his dress. I shook my head, and with questioning eyes, I gave a defeated shrug. Why couldn’t he just tell me?
“Benj…I-I’m sorry. I…didn’t think you’d-“ But I cut him off, my hand hitting the door by where I stood. “Joel, don’t give me that. I just…you…You didn’t think I’d be hurt if I found out? Is that it? God, what were you thinking?” This time it was he who let his head fall, and a faint ‘I’m sorry,’ was heard falling past his kiss-chapped lips.
"Joel...I can't deal with this right now. I've got to go." I stated, quickly running from the room and downstairs where I locked myself in the bathroom. Seriously, how in the hell was I unable to see that? He's my twin! Am I really that oblivious to the things around me? Because I am definitely going to have to start paying more attention to detail. Thing is, I loved Jasmine. A whole different person. She isn't Joel, and she isn't my kin. She was...perfect. Maybe...maybe that was why I felt such a strong pull to her, because it was him and I've always loved him. But I don't in that way; I love Jasmine. And now I've gone crazy. What the hell is wrong with me? I can't even consider that as an option. Jasmine is gone, and so is my sanity along with my heart. I really felt something for her.
I heard a soft patter through the kitchen and I knew he was going to leave. I broke my brother's heart, and I felt horrible for it, but he simply just broke me. I honestly don't understand how he could do that with knowing it. I also don't get why he couldn't just tell me. It hurts more that he thought he couldn't tell me than the fact the he deceived me.
I sat on the edge of the bathtub picking at the seams of my pants for I don’t know how long. Every thought of Joel and I ran through my head, and every thought of Jasmine and I. I still couldn’t believe that I didn’t notice. Rubbing my weary eyes, I stood up slowly, standing at the sink and staring at the numb reflection that held hollow eyes, and a confused stance. What exactly was I feeling? Was I ever going to be able to talk to Joel again? God…why does everything have to be so complicated?
I splashed my face with water, and made my way out of the bathroom. I had to find something to make my mind stop racing. Slowly, I made my way down to my basement where all of my old photo albums were held, along with a couple of my journals. I opened a dusty box, and pulled out each piece until I came across the big family photo album.
My fingers traced along the photos of our family, as I noticed just how happy Joel and I were. In every single picture we're smiling, but only if the other is in it. If not, it looks like we’re depressed or ready to kick the shit out of somebody. We were inseparable and we still are, well were. I can't let the most important person, the only one I've ever been able to count on all because of something like this, even if it is going to change things. I mean, he's my brother, my twin, my best friend; I can't let him go. I never will. I'm just going to have to really talk to him, because there's so much that has to be said now.
I came to my favorite photograph of Joel and myself and removed it from the case and placed it in my palms. It was the summer of 88' and we were only nine. It was taken outside on our rickety old swing set and my arm is securely wrapped around my little brother's shoulder while his head rests on mine, and we even had the matching outfits still at age nine. I smiled at the memory and placed the photo in my pocket, and set the album aside. I dug through the rest of the old box, stumbling upon an old journal that I couldn't place. I read the first cover and found my answer as to why; it was Joel's.
I slowly opened it, and flipped through each page. His writing varied from day to day, but as I got more into it, I noticed how my name seemed to appear more and more. I felt my eyes being magnetized to each word, my heart sinking, and fluttering with each sentence.
”Benj doesn’t know how I feel about him, he doesn’t think twice about me. I can tell that when I say something sexual towards him…he just thinks it’s a joke. I can’t help myself sometimes. He’s just so…beautiful…”
Again, I turned the page, and I found similar words. He even wrote poems about it; songs that I had never heard him sing. There was a mix of emotion now trailing through me, and I just felt horrible for even making him feel like I didn’t love him. I just never thought feelings for him were possible. We were always taught that it was wrong, but how could his feelings towards me be wrong? They were written so beautifully.
Joel's words raced through my mind as I closed the small blue book and set it upon the arm of the old couch. Another book had caught my attention, buried deep in the bottom of the box. I picked it up slowly, reading Joel's name across the top first page. I don't know why all of these are here; they must've just gotten mixed up or something. Though, I can say it brought a little clarity to this situation, and I finally started to focus in on the real picture in place.
When my eyes saw the first entry I literally felt my heart skip and beat and it was simply all I needed to see.
“I've fallen in love with Benji. I know for sure now, and I've never felt such a greater pain nor joy in this life. I am in love with the one I can't have; my best friend. My own twin.”
Putting Joel’s book down, I opened one of my old journals, and began reading through it. I never really realized how much I actually wrote about him back then. In every entry it was always “Joel this, or Joel that.” There weren’t any entries about being in love with him, but I sure did talk about him a hell of a lot. And this one entry, it was on when I saw Joel kiss a girl. I could still feel the anger I felt when I saw it, and when I wrote it. There was so much emotion in that one. Was I really jealous?
Maybe he wasn't the only who had had felt like that…or maybe I am truly losing my mind. Whatever the choice, something has definitely changed, not between us, well yes, there's still that, but something in me. I felt as if something had finally arisen in me, it was a new feeling, but I couldn't make it out. I couldn't really be in love with him? I must just have been caught up with all those words he had written about me. No one has ever cared that much about me. I never knew someone had wanted to.
Shaking my head of the thoughts, I closed the books, and started putting things back into the box. I made sure I had all that I wanted from the pictures, and made my way back upstairs. I flopped myself on the couch, and sighed heavily. I should really make it a point to talk to Joel. Rolling my head to the side, I stared at the phone. Hesitantly, I put my hand on the phone, and picked it up. Was I really going to do this? Shaking all of my thoughts away, I dialed the number, and waited for an answer. "Hello?" The deep voice came, and I sighed, why didn’t I just call Joel’s number? "Yeah, um, is Joel there?" There is a bit of hesitancy in his voice, "No, he’s um…at the bar." With that, I thanked him, hung up the phone, and grabbed my keys.
Slowly, I had made my way to the bar. The bar where I first found my Jasmine, I mean Joel. I was still trying to register this all in my head, because I had been completely dumbfounded. As I made my way in, I caught sight of him. He was at Jasmine's table, looking upset and quite distraught. He was just Joel though, he wasn't Jasmine. I saw a look a pain shining through his brown orbs, and a twinge of pain shot through my heart. I hated seeing him upset. His eyes were puffy and rimmed by his fallen tears, and I knew I was the cause behind his saddened eyes. With my head hung low, I made my way over to my usual table, feeling that set of eyes burning into me. Ignoring the contact, I ordered a Jack Daniel's, and hesitantly raised my eyes to meet his lowered ones.
I took a sip of the drink, the burn feeling good as it slipped down my throat. My eyes were staring at the table - that table. It was like magic; the most beautiful person I’d ever seen sat there, and now…I can’t let myself see that person as beautiful. The waiter stepped in front of Joel, and handed him a drink. Joel shook his head, but the waiter said something to make Joel look at me. I knew what it was. He stared at me for a moment, thanking the waiter with his eyes still locked on mine. Just like the first night I met Jasmine. He smiled weakly, taking a sip from the cup, and sitting it down in front of him shyly. His shoulders were hunched, and I knew that’s what he looked like when he was upset. I let my eyes stay on him, boring into him as he stared at the table.
Finishing off my drink, I slowly stood up from my table. I took a deep breath and headed over towards him. I bit my lip and scratched nervously at my neck; we needed to talk. "Can I sit here?" I asked quietly, sliding into the booth when I saw him nod faintly. "Joel...I...well, I really don't know where to begin." I sighed, resting my head in my hands. "I...well...wow. This is more difficult than I ever imagined." He looked up at me, his gaze nervous and unclear. For the first time in years, I have no idea what he was thinking or just how he was feeling, other than he was upset and hurt.
"You can tell me you hate me…" he trailed off, looking at the table as a tear slipped down his cheek. “But I’d be lying," I said, reaching over the table, and covering his hand in my own. His eyes snapped up to me, and for the first time since earlier, I felt the familiar shiver run up and down my spine. "Um…" I cleared my throat, not wanting to say anything, but needing to. Leaning forward, I looked Joel in the eyes. "I think I love you," I whispered, and when he looked up, I placed a soft kiss on his lips, the noises around us getting louder as the bar spun.
A spark was singed into my lips, as they moved slowly against each other, my mind ready to explode from the sensation. This time, it wasn't Jasmine who made me feel like that. It was Joel, and I guess I was ready to accept that. He had been the one who stole my heart in the first place right? Just in a dress, wig, make-up, and pantyhose. I cupped his face, my hand gently caressing his cheek as our kiss furthered, our tongue dancing together languidly. A few soft moans escaped past our smashed lips, quickly pulling away to breathe. A small smile curled at the corners of my lips as I squeezed his hand, and pecked his lips once more. "Do you want to get out of here, or something?"
I giggled, nodding my head a bit. "Where do you suppose we go?" I asked, not wanting to go home. He bit down on his lip shyly, and leant forward, his lips hovering over my ear. "The beach?" I could feel the blush run up my cheeks, my ears burning as I nodded my agreement. He smiled, and took my hand, pulling me out of the booth, and heading towards the door. We hopped in my car, the giggles running through both of us, not even noticing that people were staring at us. "Same spot…we ate dinner the first time?" I asked, turning out of the parking lot. He nodded with a smile as he looked out the window, I couldn’t have even imagined this.
He flashed me his amazing smile, and instantly I returned the smile. He's contagious, I swear. I still don't understand how this all appeared to me, out of the blue. Then again, who grows up thinking they're about to drive to down to some beach, ready to make love to their brother? I just don't know, but it's like...seeing him in a whole new light; he's more than I ever though he would be to me. He's always been my brother, best friend, confidant, twin, and now, now he's my...lover...boyfriend? Whatever you want to call it, he's mine. And I, I am his. Maybe it was Jasmine. Maybe that was why I had such an immediate attraction to her; because it was Joel all along. I always had loved Joel, but I guess Jasmine brought out all those hidden feelings. I loved Jasmine, yes, but Jasmine was just a cover.
I caught him staring at me, but he quickly turned his head away, giggling. I reached over and grabbed his hand, interlocking his fingers with my own. Not but ten minutes later, we had arrived at the beach; I bet Paul would change his opinion of my date now. I jumped out of the car and ran over to his side, helping him out and pulling him into a quick kiss. We broke apart, still jumbled in a mess of giggles as I tugged him towards the sand. We ended up tripping, the giggles growing louder and a heap of sand blew over us. Our lips met in a slow, soft kiss, and our tongues lazily entwined, exploring the unknowingly familiar territory.
"Joely..."
"Yeah, Benj?"
"I'm curious. Whose phone number did you give me for Jasmine?" I asked, the thought suddenly entering my mind.
He looked hesitant at first, but then moved his attention back to me, and shrugged. "He was a friend of mine. I met him at the bar not that long ago, and he told me that if I ever needed to give someone his number, that I could feel free. And he knew that I wanted you...so he knew who I'd be going after," he said with a shy smile, and I couldn't help but giggle.
"You just had this all planned out, didn't you?" I smirked, leaning in and pecking his lips again. He nodded softly, and bit down onto his perfect lips. "So, I guess we know who the smart twin is." I smiled. Moving over, and swinging my leg over his waist, I sat up so I was straddling him. Grinning, I placed a soft, sweet kiss to his lips, my hands falling into the cool sand beneath us. "I love you Joely," I kissed the tip of his nose, and nuzzled my head against the side of his own. "And I am glad that this worked out, or else I may never have realized any of this. I could have missed out on the best thing in my life, so I guess I have Jasmine to thank for that," I chuckled, and placed one more kiss to those lips that were now mine to kiss.
Author(s): Rancid_born & veggielover
Pairing: Benjamin and Joel. GUESS WHAT! They're BROTHER'S!
Rating: NC-17
Summary: I’m a normal guy, right? Sitting at a back table and scoping out the one that I want to spend the night with. Looking for all the pretty women. Maybe so, but there is one problem; she is really a he. Benjamin goes to the same bar for weeks. There is one girl in particular that he has his eye on. (You'll just have to read it to find out what happens).
Disclaimer: None of this has happened. Although guys in drag are hot. ;)
Dedication: TO ALL OF THE MEN IN DRAG!
Comments are nifty. :)
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
How could I have let something like this pass me by? How was it that I never even noticed? It’s like I never even wanted to see it. I mean, he had his makeup done perfectly, and his mole was hidden so well. I stared in disbelief for a moment, but regained my composure, feeling somewhat disappointed in myself for not having seen it. I let my head fall, and placed my hand on my hip before looking to Joel who had covered himself with his dress. I shook my head, and with questioning eyes, I gave a defeated shrug. Why couldn’t he just tell me?
“Benj…I-I’m sorry. I…didn’t think you’d-“ But I cut him off, my hand hitting the door by where I stood. “Joel, don’t give me that. I just…you…You didn’t think I’d be hurt if I found out? Is that it? God, what were you thinking?” This time it was he who let his head fall, and a faint ‘I’m sorry,’ was heard falling past his kiss-chapped lips.
"Joel...I can't deal with this right now. I've got to go." I stated, quickly running from the room and downstairs where I locked myself in the bathroom. Seriously, how in the hell was I unable to see that? He's my twin! Am I really that oblivious to the things around me? Because I am definitely going to have to start paying more attention to detail. Thing is, I loved Jasmine. A whole different person. She isn't Joel, and she isn't my kin. She was...perfect. Maybe...maybe that was why I felt such a strong pull to her, because it was him and I've always loved him. But I don't in that way; I love Jasmine. And now I've gone crazy. What the hell is wrong with me? I can't even consider that as an option. Jasmine is gone, and so is my sanity along with my heart. I really felt something for her.
I heard a soft patter through the kitchen and I knew he was going to leave. I broke my brother's heart, and I felt horrible for it, but he simply just broke me. I honestly don't understand how he could do that with knowing it. I also don't get why he couldn't just tell me. It hurts more that he thought he couldn't tell me than the fact the he deceived me.
I sat on the edge of the bathtub picking at the seams of my pants for I don’t know how long. Every thought of Joel and I ran through my head, and every thought of Jasmine and I. I still couldn’t believe that I didn’t notice. Rubbing my weary eyes, I stood up slowly, standing at the sink and staring at the numb reflection that held hollow eyes, and a confused stance. What exactly was I feeling? Was I ever going to be able to talk to Joel again? God…why does everything have to be so complicated?
I splashed my face with water, and made my way out of the bathroom. I had to find something to make my mind stop racing. Slowly, I made my way down to my basement where all of my old photo albums were held, along with a couple of my journals. I opened a dusty box, and pulled out each piece until I came across the big family photo album.
My fingers traced along the photos of our family, as I noticed just how happy Joel and I were. In every single picture we're smiling, but only if the other is in it. If not, it looks like we’re depressed or ready to kick the shit out of somebody. We were inseparable and we still are, well were. I can't let the most important person, the only one I've ever been able to count on all because of something like this, even if it is going to change things. I mean, he's my brother, my twin, my best friend; I can't let him go. I never will. I'm just going to have to really talk to him, because there's so much that has to be said now.
I came to my favorite photograph of Joel and myself and removed it from the case and placed it in my palms. It was the summer of 88' and we were only nine. It was taken outside on our rickety old swing set and my arm is securely wrapped around my little brother's shoulder while his head rests on mine, and we even had the matching outfits still at age nine. I smiled at the memory and placed the photo in my pocket, and set the album aside. I dug through the rest of the old box, stumbling upon an old journal that I couldn't place. I read the first cover and found my answer as to why; it was Joel's.
I slowly opened it, and flipped through each page. His writing varied from day to day, but as I got more into it, I noticed how my name seemed to appear more and more. I felt my eyes being magnetized to each word, my heart sinking, and fluttering with each sentence.
”Benj doesn’t know how I feel about him, he doesn’t think twice about me. I can tell that when I say something sexual towards him…he just thinks it’s a joke. I can’t help myself sometimes. He’s just so…beautiful…”
Again, I turned the page, and I found similar words. He even wrote poems about it; songs that I had never heard him sing. There was a mix of emotion now trailing through me, and I just felt horrible for even making him feel like I didn’t love him. I just never thought feelings for him were possible. We were always taught that it was wrong, but how could his feelings towards me be wrong? They were written so beautifully.
Joel's words raced through my mind as I closed the small blue book and set it upon the arm of the old couch. Another book had caught my attention, buried deep in the bottom of the box. I picked it up slowly, reading Joel's name across the top first page. I don't know why all of these are here; they must've just gotten mixed up or something. Though, I can say it brought a little clarity to this situation, and I finally started to focus in on the real picture in place.
When my eyes saw the first entry I literally felt my heart skip and beat and it was simply all I needed to see.
“I've fallen in love with Benji. I know for sure now, and I've never felt such a greater pain nor joy in this life. I am in love with the one I can't have; my best friend. My own twin.”
Putting Joel’s book down, I opened one of my old journals, and began reading through it. I never really realized how much I actually wrote about him back then. In every entry it was always “Joel this, or Joel that.” There weren’t any entries about being in love with him, but I sure did talk about him a hell of a lot. And this one entry, it was on when I saw Joel kiss a girl. I could still feel the anger I felt when I saw it, and when I wrote it. There was so much emotion in that one. Was I really jealous?
Maybe he wasn't the only who had had felt like that…or maybe I am truly losing my mind. Whatever the choice, something has definitely changed, not between us, well yes, there's still that, but something in me. I felt as if something had finally arisen in me, it was a new feeling, but I couldn't make it out. I couldn't really be in love with him? I must just have been caught up with all those words he had written about me. No one has ever cared that much about me. I never knew someone had wanted to.
Shaking my head of the thoughts, I closed the books, and started putting things back into the box. I made sure I had all that I wanted from the pictures, and made my way back upstairs. I flopped myself on the couch, and sighed heavily. I should really make it a point to talk to Joel. Rolling my head to the side, I stared at the phone. Hesitantly, I put my hand on the phone, and picked it up. Was I really going to do this? Shaking all of my thoughts away, I dialed the number, and waited for an answer. "Hello?" The deep voice came, and I sighed, why didn’t I just call Joel’s number? "Yeah, um, is Joel there?" There is a bit of hesitancy in his voice, "No, he’s um…at the bar." With that, I thanked him, hung up the phone, and grabbed my keys.
Slowly, I had made my way to the bar. The bar where I first found my Jasmine, I mean Joel. I was still trying to register this all in my head, because I had been completely dumbfounded. As I made my way in, I caught sight of him. He was at Jasmine's table, looking upset and quite distraught. He was just Joel though, he wasn't Jasmine. I saw a look a pain shining through his brown orbs, and a twinge of pain shot through my heart. I hated seeing him upset. His eyes were puffy and rimmed by his fallen tears, and I knew I was the cause behind his saddened eyes. With my head hung low, I made my way over to my usual table, feeling that set of eyes burning into me. Ignoring the contact, I ordered a Jack Daniel's, and hesitantly raised my eyes to meet his lowered ones.
I took a sip of the drink, the burn feeling good as it slipped down my throat. My eyes were staring at the table - that table. It was like magic; the most beautiful person I’d ever seen sat there, and now…I can’t let myself see that person as beautiful. The waiter stepped in front of Joel, and handed him a drink. Joel shook his head, but the waiter said something to make Joel look at me. I knew what it was. He stared at me for a moment, thanking the waiter with his eyes still locked on mine. Just like the first night I met Jasmine. He smiled weakly, taking a sip from the cup, and sitting it down in front of him shyly. His shoulders were hunched, and I knew that’s what he looked like when he was upset. I let my eyes stay on him, boring into him as he stared at the table.
Finishing off my drink, I slowly stood up from my table. I took a deep breath and headed over towards him. I bit my lip and scratched nervously at my neck; we needed to talk. "Can I sit here?" I asked quietly, sliding into the booth when I saw him nod faintly. "Joel...I...well, I really don't know where to begin." I sighed, resting my head in my hands. "I...well...wow. This is more difficult than I ever imagined." He looked up at me, his gaze nervous and unclear. For the first time in years, I have no idea what he was thinking or just how he was feeling, other than he was upset and hurt.
"You can tell me you hate me…" he trailed off, looking at the table as a tear slipped down his cheek. “But I’d be lying," I said, reaching over the table, and covering his hand in my own. His eyes snapped up to me, and for the first time since earlier, I felt the familiar shiver run up and down my spine. "Um…" I cleared my throat, not wanting to say anything, but needing to. Leaning forward, I looked Joel in the eyes. "I think I love you," I whispered, and when he looked up, I placed a soft kiss on his lips, the noises around us getting louder as the bar spun.
A spark was singed into my lips, as they moved slowly against each other, my mind ready to explode from the sensation. This time, it wasn't Jasmine who made me feel like that. It was Joel, and I guess I was ready to accept that. He had been the one who stole my heart in the first place right? Just in a dress, wig, make-up, and pantyhose. I cupped his face, my hand gently caressing his cheek as our kiss furthered, our tongue dancing together languidly. A few soft moans escaped past our smashed lips, quickly pulling away to breathe. A small smile curled at the corners of my lips as I squeezed his hand, and pecked his lips once more. "Do you want to get out of here, or something?"
I giggled, nodding my head a bit. "Where do you suppose we go?" I asked, not wanting to go home. He bit down on his lip shyly, and leant forward, his lips hovering over my ear. "The beach?" I could feel the blush run up my cheeks, my ears burning as I nodded my agreement. He smiled, and took my hand, pulling me out of the booth, and heading towards the door. We hopped in my car, the giggles running through both of us, not even noticing that people were staring at us. "Same spot…we ate dinner the first time?" I asked, turning out of the parking lot. He nodded with a smile as he looked out the window, I couldn’t have even imagined this.
He flashed me his amazing smile, and instantly I returned the smile. He's contagious, I swear. I still don't understand how this all appeared to me, out of the blue. Then again, who grows up thinking they're about to drive to down to some beach, ready to make love to their brother? I just don't know, but it's like...seeing him in a whole new light; he's more than I ever though he would be to me. He's always been my brother, best friend, confidant, twin, and now, now he's my...lover...boyfriend? Whatever you want to call it, he's mine. And I, I am his. Maybe it was Jasmine. Maybe that was why I had such an immediate attraction to her; because it was Joel all along. I always had loved Joel, but I guess Jasmine brought out all those hidden feelings. I loved Jasmine, yes, but Jasmine was just a cover.
I caught him staring at me, but he quickly turned his head away, giggling. I reached over and grabbed his hand, interlocking his fingers with my own. Not but ten minutes later, we had arrived at the beach; I bet Paul would change his opinion of my date now. I jumped out of the car and ran over to his side, helping him out and pulling him into a quick kiss. We broke apart, still jumbled in a mess of giggles as I tugged him towards the sand. We ended up tripping, the giggles growing louder and a heap of sand blew over us. Our lips met in a slow, soft kiss, and our tongues lazily entwined, exploring the unknowingly familiar territory.
"Joely..."
"Yeah, Benj?"
"I'm curious. Whose phone number did you give me for Jasmine?" I asked, the thought suddenly entering my mind.
He looked hesitant at first, but then moved his attention back to me, and shrugged. "He was a friend of mine. I met him at the bar not that long ago, and he told me that if I ever needed to give someone his number, that I could feel free. And he knew that I wanted you...so he knew who I'd be going after," he said with a shy smile, and I couldn't help but giggle.
"You just had this all planned out, didn't you?" I smirked, leaning in and pecking his lips again. He nodded softly, and bit down onto his perfect lips. "So, I guess we know who the smart twin is." I smiled. Moving over, and swinging my leg over his waist, I sat up so I was straddling him. Grinning, I placed a soft, sweet kiss to his lips, my hands falling into the cool sand beneath us. "I love you Joely," I kissed the tip of his nose, and nuzzled my head against the side of his own. "And I am glad that this worked out, or else I may never have realized any of this. I could have missed out on the best thing in my life, so I guess I have Jasmine to thank for that," I chuckled, and placed one more kiss to those lips that were now mine to kiss.