Somethin keeps pullin me back me back
And I don't know what it is. It makes me mad that I seem to care more about him than he does me. All that he probably sees me as is a good fuck and someone to hang out with when he has nothing else to do. And I'm glad that Ape cussed him out. Because even in her drunkenness she was right - He doesn't realize how good that he has it with me. Maybe I just get worked up over little things I don't know. But its the little things that add up - like not inviting me to that "big" party, and yea he may have called to see if we were ok but if he and his friend were wasted and we somehow made it over there to see them I would have at least made sure that they were ok and got home safely not just went out to that "big" party like nothing even happened. I think that I'm done for now. I always say that. He can say or think what he wants. I'm so sick of guys. I think that hell will freeze over before I find a good one that really gives a fuck about me. I'm sick of the bullshit. I'm glad that my friends made it safely into their beds. Because they're the ones that will be there for me when everyone else especially those that have penises won't. Fuck men. I should probably just focus on God, my family, my friends, and my future career. Why do I go out of my way so much for these guys? I guess its because when I get attached to a guy I'll do pretty much anything for them. I mean I always tried to be there when I could whether it was giving him a ride to Meijers or the computer store or whatever because he has no car. I honestly wonder if it would have been the other way around if he would've taken me places that I needed to go. Why do I put my heart out there so much? I feel like I shouldn't even be upset. Because he really didn't do anything. Its not about what he DID DO, its about what he DIDN'T DO. Ok enough rambling. Bedtime.