*Tears*
It’s hard to believe that I didn’t post on this journal not once in 2020.
I guess that the year I don’t want to remember. I don’t know who still reads and post on lj anymore but I’m still here with my thoughts. I’ve been having a rough time lately and I’m not 100% sure what’s going on. I’m down way more than usual. I’m typically in good spirits but lately that hasn’t been the case. I got so down one day with one thought that spiraled out of control that I literally had to leave work cause I couldn’t get my composure together. I was nervous about an upcoming doctors Appt with the gyno. Well I had that Appt and it made me really sad all over again. I called mom crying and she basically told me to suck it up. I don’t know why kind of tough love that was but I definitely don’t want to update her on how I’m currently feeling as a result of that. Then today I got some results back from the Appt from about three weeks ago and I knew I shouldn’t have looked at the message while at work because I was literally fighting myself to not cry after reading because I knew if I did that I wouldn’t be able to regain my composure. I held it together. Can you imagine holding in a cry until the end of the work day? It stayed their dormant but as soon as I got in my car to leave work those tears flowed. I cried, drove, and talked to God.