Learning about yourself
So now i'm 26, not teaching, working for Housing for Wichita State University, married almost 2 years, and going to grad school fulltime. Time really has flown by... and not just fast wise--but life wise... I can't believe I already finished three years of teaching and am now onto my grad schooling. And the first year is almost over! I can definitley say that reading over the past few journal entries, I have learned a little bit about myself that doesn't seem like I'm ever really going to change.
First off, I am a huge procrastinator and I avoid my assignments until they are absolutely due. I was getting better last semester, but this semester I've been terrible. I have three large papers due and 2 presentations along with a conducting final and 2 other large finals. That's a lot of stuff. I'll get them done, but it's the fact that right now, instead of just doing them, I'm sitting in the library writing about how much of a procrastinator I am.
Second, I am rarely satisfied in where I am in life. I had the hardest time getting into the whole "college" thing at both Anderson and Webster, I wanted to leave Ireland when I was there, I hated student teaching (rightfully so), my first year teaching I was constantly saying how much I didn't want to come back the next year, this job is pretty terrible and I can't wait to teach again. I think I need a new perspective. Overall, I've tried to be satisfied and grateful for my current situations, and compared to those who don't have a job at all, I am very blessed. I know that God placed me here for a reason, but there is just one person who makes life difficult for everyone and that is very unfortunate. Enough said about that.
Third, I've always had friend troubles. However, it seems like I've finally found a great friend, but my own weird tendencies have now caused me to feel the need to push that friend away. And then the other friends who I talked about in the journal, I feel like I've now matured and they don't consume my life anymore. It's like time and maturity just really helped. Along with God's patience with me. It's like, my life is going well and their friendship is like whatever to me... I can do with or without it--That's an incredible feeling to get to that point.
I'm surprised still how we even ended up in Wichita. If anything in my life points to there being a God it is the way that He brought Josh and I to Wichita... nothing made sense at all and yet we are here.
Marriage is great. I still struggle with girly nonsense, but again God is just really working on my heart and helping me to know how to love my husband better. Josh is really that absolute perfect person for me. We just started reading the Bible together every night and I think it's been really good for us--my hope is that this is the beginning of a deep devotion to each other and God that we will continue forever.
Sometimes I think about heaven and get really scared...
I've had strange dreams lately--one about me having a baby and it coming out, drinking my breast milk, and saying that it was hot and spicy. That was weird. Then I had a dream that was like a movie... and people were in these huge bottles full of water... then I had a dream about the teacher at Morrisonville quit all of a sudden and I had to go back to finish the year and all I could think was "I'm not ready to come back! This isn't really what I wanted".
We had a wine and cheese party Friday, except the only people that came were Tiff and Tg. Thats okay though, it was late notice. It was really fun, but too expensive for Josh and I's budget. Next time we will make sure everyone brings something so we aren't spending bookoo bucks.
Sometimes I think I'm pregnant and then I get really scared when I drink alcoholic beverages... and then I go on the internet to see if my baby will get fetal alcohol syndrome. It's probably paranoia.
Also, I have intestinal worms. Gross, I know. I'm trying to get rid of them herbal, but I may just have to break down and go to the actual doctor.
I have an obsession with shopping... all I want to do is buy really cute trendy things.
I think this one person covets me in a lot of ways and it's irritating. I like people for their individuality... not people who want to clone me.
My mother and father have taught me a lot that I am continuously grateful for. For instance, their generosity and hospitality... and kindness and compassion for people. I really am thankful for their parenting in most areas.
The church where we attend is pretty awesome. It's 1400 people and we are both pretty involved. Josh works there and he likes it. I get to sing in the choir and worship team on Sunday's and teach Sunday school. Wow, I love teaching kids. I feel like I can relate to children.
I would like to keep updating this thing more often... I seem to keep better journals online than on paper... probably because I think too fast to sit and write... although handwriting is just way more awesome... especially for future babies that want to read my writings. This will have to do for now though. Who knows if I even have babies... the way the world is going right now... the way that Christians will be persecuted soon for their beliefs... its' getting scary, but it's the future and it says it in the Bible.
First off, I am a huge procrastinator and I avoid my assignments until they are absolutely due. I was getting better last semester, but this semester I've been terrible. I have three large papers due and 2 presentations along with a conducting final and 2 other large finals. That's a lot of stuff. I'll get them done, but it's the fact that right now, instead of just doing them, I'm sitting in the library writing about how much of a procrastinator I am.
Second, I am rarely satisfied in where I am in life. I had the hardest time getting into the whole "college" thing at both Anderson and Webster, I wanted to leave Ireland when I was there, I hated student teaching (rightfully so), my first year teaching I was constantly saying how much I didn't want to come back the next year, this job is pretty terrible and I can't wait to teach again. I think I need a new perspective. Overall, I've tried to be satisfied and grateful for my current situations, and compared to those who don't have a job at all, I am very blessed. I know that God placed me here for a reason, but there is just one person who makes life difficult for everyone and that is very unfortunate. Enough said about that.
Third, I've always had friend troubles. However, it seems like I've finally found a great friend, but my own weird tendencies have now caused me to feel the need to push that friend away. And then the other friends who I talked about in the journal, I feel like I've now matured and they don't consume my life anymore. It's like time and maturity just really helped. Along with God's patience with me. It's like, my life is going well and their friendship is like whatever to me... I can do with or without it--That's an incredible feeling to get to that point.
I'm surprised still how we even ended up in Wichita. If anything in my life points to there being a God it is the way that He brought Josh and I to Wichita... nothing made sense at all and yet we are here.
Marriage is great. I still struggle with girly nonsense, but again God is just really working on my heart and helping me to know how to love my husband better. Josh is really that absolute perfect person for me. We just started reading the Bible together every night and I think it's been really good for us--my hope is that this is the beginning of a deep devotion to each other and God that we will continue forever.
Sometimes I think about heaven and get really scared...
I've had strange dreams lately--one about me having a baby and it coming out, drinking my breast milk, and saying that it was hot and spicy. That was weird. Then I had a dream that was like a movie... and people were in these huge bottles full of water... then I had a dream about the teacher at Morrisonville quit all of a sudden and I had to go back to finish the year and all I could think was "I'm not ready to come back! This isn't really what I wanted".
We had a wine and cheese party Friday, except the only people that came were Tiff and Tg. Thats okay though, it was late notice. It was really fun, but too expensive for Josh and I's budget. Next time we will make sure everyone brings something so we aren't spending bookoo bucks.
Sometimes I think I'm pregnant and then I get really scared when I drink alcoholic beverages... and then I go on the internet to see if my baby will get fetal alcohol syndrome. It's probably paranoia.
Also, I have intestinal worms. Gross, I know. I'm trying to get rid of them herbal, but I may just have to break down and go to the actual doctor.
I have an obsession with shopping... all I want to do is buy really cute trendy things.
I think this one person covets me in a lot of ways and it's irritating. I like people for their individuality... not people who want to clone me.
My mother and father have taught me a lot that I am continuously grateful for. For instance, their generosity and hospitality... and kindness and compassion for people. I really am thankful for their parenting in most areas.
The church where we attend is pretty awesome. It's 1400 people and we are both pretty involved. Josh works there and he likes it. I get to sing in the choir and worship team on Sunday's and teach Sunday school. Wow, I love teaching kids. I feel like I can relate to children.
I would like to keep updating this thing more often... I seem to keep better journals online than on paper... probably because I think too fast to sit and write... although handwriting is just way more awesome... especially for future babies that want to read my writings. This will have to do for now though. Who knows if I even have babies... the way the world is going right now... the way that Christians will be persecuted soon for their beliefs... its' getting scary, but it's the future and it says it in the Bible.