Suppose to be busy..
But I don't feel like it. I got cramps. I'll just minimize the screen so I won't get caught :ox .
I miss Adrien..where's that hooker? I know her journal is gone but I still miss her! Somebody, if you talk to her, tell her to email me or something.
So Christie (the bi friend from work) is still convinced I am gay. Oh did I even talk about that on here? Probably not. I went to the club with her like last month and she was all "You're not straight you know that?" and I'm like "uh why do u say that?" "because you act like how I acted before I tried it" and I'm going "uhh..I'm not interested in trying it though nor do I look at chicks like that" and she's all "u don't have to try it to be gay because I think you are". So I'm all like whatever dawg. Why did my friend Vanessa (I work with her too) tell me that Joanna (the ho from the last entry) told her to watch out for me when her fiance'comes home. I'm like for what? and she's all she said to watch out cuz u might try to get at him cuz some similar shit happened to her. I'm like dude, do u see me trying to get at ANY dude? I don't get at dudes! I just look and admire and wish I had the guts to get at them. I got VERY offended by that. I told Christie and she asks Vanessa about it and tells Vanessa "Oh you don't have to worry about Ranata doing that because no matter what folks say, Ranata's gay!" I here this from Vanessa and I'm like OH MY GOD! This heffer is seriously trying to bring the gay out of me or something. I don't EVEN get down like that. I have no desire to kiss a girl but I'm guessing Christie figures if I kick it with her and her friends and go to these different functions, it'll awake the lesbian in me that she's convinced is in there. NO, I DON'T THINK SO! She asked me to go to the East Bay gay pride but she didn't ask Vanessa, so if that aint telling me she's trying to "awaken" something, I don't know what does. I am totally offended. The week before last was offend Ranata week or something.
So I was trying to just be "Friends...with Benefits" with Isiah but it wasn't working, so I told him so. I don't know what's wrong with me and not being able to kick men out of my life. It's the hardest thing ever for me to be trying to do. I could see if I geniunely didn't want him around but I do. I want to be friends. Not friends with benefits exactly cuz that just screws things up more (even though it feels SOOO good!) and it's hard enough just trying to be friends with my ex. I love him still but I just don't want to be with him anymore and now that he's at "that place" that I was in and I'm where he is now, I feel like I should give him yet another chance but no, I'm not. We don't work together, not as a couple. So everyone was right, I need to be over him first and he needs to be over me (even though he doesn't want to be) in order for this to have a chance to work out. Right now, it's impossible so I told him and I haven't spoken to him since Friday but...I miss him sooo much. I'm not gonna call though, I'm trying to stop this vicious cycle once and for all.
Sigh..go me.
I'm out.
I miss Adrien..where's that hooker? I know her journal is gone but I still miss her! Somebody, if you talk to her, tell her to email me or something.
So Christie (the bi friend from work) is still convinced I am gay. Oh did I even talk about that on here? Probably not. I went to the club with her like last month and she was all "You're not straight you know that?" and I'm like "uh why do u say that?" "because you act like how I acted before I tried it" and I'm going "uhh..I'm not interested in trying it though nor do I look at chicks like that" and she's all "u don't have to try it to be gay because I think you are". So I'm all like whatever dawg. Why did my friend Vanessa (I work with her too) tell me that Joanna (the ho from the last entry) told her to watch out for me when her fiance'comes home. I'm like for what? and she's all she said to watch out cuz u might try to get at him cuz some similar shit happened to her. I'm like dude, do u see me trying to get at ANY dude? I don't get at dudes! I just look and admire and wish I had the guts to get at them. I got VERY offended by that. I told Christie and she asks Vanessa about it and tells Vanessa "Oh you don't have to worry about Ranata doing that because no matter what folks say, Ranata's gay!" I here this from Vanessa and I'm like OH MY GOD! This heffer is seriously trying to bring the gay out of me or something. I don't EVEN get down like that. I have no desire to kiss a girl but I'm guessing Christie figures if I kick it with her and her friends and go to these different functions, it'll awake the lesbian in me that she's convinced is in there. NO, I DON'T THINK SO! She asked me to go to the East Bay gay pride but she didn't ask Vanessa, so if that aint telling me she's trying to "awaken" something, I don't know what does. I am totally offended. The week before last was offend Ranata week or something.
So I was trying to just be "Friends...with Benefits" with Isiah but it wasn't working, so I told him so. I don't know what's wrong with me and not being able to kick men out of my life. It's the hardest thing ever for me to be trying to do. I could see if I geniunely didn't want him around but I do. I want to be friends. Not friends with benefits exactly cuz that just screws things up more (even though it feels SOOO good!) and it's hard enough just trying to be friends with my ex. I love him still but I just don't want to be with him anymore and now that he's at "that place" that I was in and I'm where he is now, I feel like I should give him yet another chance but no, I'm not. We don't work together, not as a couple. So everyone was right, I need to be over him first and he needs to be over me (even though he doesn't want to be) in order for this to have a chance to work out. Right now, it's impossible so I told him and I haven't spoken to him since Friday but...I miss him sooo much. I'm not gonna call though, I'm trying to stop this vicious cycle once and for all.
Sigh..go me.
I'm out.