I could wish for a million years
I just want to give up. Can I do that? I don't think I can.
Blah blah blah. Something about wasting my future and "come on you can do it" and "You're almost done" and lots of potential.
I just don't want to do any of my stupid work anymore. I just don't care. I want to be done with this place. Nothing here makes me happy.
Actually, I *DO* enjoy my electronics class. I enjoy it so much that I decided to pick it up as a new hobby. I'm going to D-I-Y some vintage guitar effects pedals. I finally got my components in. Some of these components are REALLY VINTAGE too! For instance, the special order Germanium Transistors are at least as old as 1973. That's the year Led Zeppelin released Houses of the Holy.
The only other thing I like doing here is playing D&D. Because it's the only time I get to throw my mind into another world. And in this world I am the Creator. I can make anything happen. Fucking Cave Sharks. Fucking Mage Duels. Fucking Swamp Temples. And for a brief time, six young players look to me for guidance. "What happens next?" they ask. I am their eyes and ears and touch and will. And then it ends and I have a Space Physics paper due and a Materials Science presentation to make and a Planetary Science paper AND presentation AND homework to start on. And that's just what's DUE in the next 6 days.
I stare at my buddy list, hoping someone will come on that I can talk to about this. No one does. I'm really not sure who I'm looking for. Someone who cares I guess. Someone who can motivate me I guess. Someone that I doesn't exist on my Buddy List, I fear. Or in my life.
I didn't ask to not care. I actually try to care. But then I'm like, "But why?"
I haven't answered myself yet. Damn, imagine what a lazy slacker I'd be if I was a pot-head. I'd be even lazier and fatter than I am now. Dunno how that's possible.
What do I want?
I want to drive somewhere and listen to Harry Potter: Goblet of Fire on CD. The ones Matthew let me borrow.
I want to watch documentaries by Carl Sagan every night.
I want to have time to go to the gym and enjoy it.
I want to organize my Europe pictures and make a photo album.
I want to travel back to Europe and see more of the world.
I want to build my guitar pedals in a nice garage on a nice workbench.
I want to move to California and get a job working on top secret space exploration stuff.
I want to get paid for this job and live on my own and earn my living and pay off my student loans.
I want to make extra side cash by gigging with my band on Friday nights at a local bar.
I want to draw a local fan base and peddle our home-recorded CD's for 5 bucks after the show.
And I didn't even mention anything about my wants for a love life. That's a different and longer rant.
None of this wanting will help me finish my Space Physics paper that's due in 14 hours. No, none of this ranting will make my papers and projects and presentations go away. It's still going to be 5 longs months until I graduate (4 if you exclude vacation time). Who knows what will happen in 5 months? I know that's a long time. Anything could happen in those 5 months.
Unfortunately, extremely unfortunately, I have to concentrate on the next 15 days. That's the number of days left until this semester is over. Scary huh? I can't give up now. Only 15 days left. But I want to.
Tired of ya doin' the things that ya do
It's no use standin' in line
~Wayno
Blah blah blah. Something about wasting my future and "come on you can do it" and "You're almost done" and lots of potential.
I just don't want to do any of my stupid work anymore. I just don't care. I want to be done with this place. Nothing here makes me happy.
Actually, I *DO* enjoy my electronics class. I enjoy it so much that I decided to pick it up as a new hobby. I'm going to D-I-Y some vintage guitar effects pedals. I finally got my components in. Some of these components are REALLY VINTAGE too! For instance, the special order Germanium Transistors are at least as old as 1973. That's the year Led Zeppelin released Houses of the Holy.
The only other thing I like doing here is playing D&D. Because it's the only time I get to throw my mind into another world. And in this world I am the Creator. I can make anything happen. Fucking Cave Sharks. Fucking Mage Duels. Fucking Swamp Temples. And for a brief time, six young players look to me for guidance. "What happens next?" they ask. I am their eyes and ears and touch and will. And then it ends and I have a Space Physics paper due and a Materials Science presentation to make and a Planetary Science paper AND presentation AND homework to start on. And that's just what's DUE in the next 6 days.
I stare at my buddy list, hoping someone will come on that I can talk to about this. No one does. I'm really not sure who I'm looking for. Someone who cares I guess. Someone who can motivate me I guess. Someone that I doesn't exist on my Buddy List, I fear. Or in my life.
I didn't ask to not care. I actually try to care. But then I'm like, "But why?"
I haven't answered myself yet. Damn, imagine what a lazy slacker I'd be if I was a pot-head. I'd be even lazier and fatter than I am now. Dunno how that's possible.
What do I want?
I want to drive somewhere and listen to Harry Potter: Goblet of Fire on CD. The ones Matthew let me borrow.
I want to watch documentaries by Carl Sagan every night.
I want to have time to go to the gym and enjoy it.
I want to organize my Europe pictures and make a photo album.
I want to travel back to Europe and see more of the world.
I want to build my guitar pedals in a nice garage on a nice workbench.
I want to move to California and get a job working on top secret space exploration stuff.
I want to get paid for this job and live on my own and earn my living and pay off my student loans.
I want to make extra side cash by gigging with my band on Friday nights at a local bar.
I want to draw a local fan base and peddle our home-recorded CD's for 5 bucks after the show.
And I didn't even mention anything about my wants for a love life. That's a different and longer rant.
None of this wanting will help me finish my Space Physics paper that's due in 14 hours. No, none of this ranting will make my papers and projects and presentations go away. It's still going to be 5 longs months until I graduate (4 if you exclude vacation time). Who knows what will happen in 5 months? I know that's a long time. Anything could happen in those 5 months.
Unfortunately, extremely unfortunately, I have to concentrate on the next 15 days. That's the number of days left until this semester is over. Scary huh? I can't give up now. Only 15 days left. But I want to.
Tired of ya doin' the things that ya do
It's no use standin' in line
~Wayno