believe the news ... i'm gone for good ...
haven't updated in awhile. been sorting shit out, still doing some sorting. but i do have something big i need to get off my chest:
i'm sick and tired of people who don't me or who think who know me. i'm sick of being called an asshole and a jerk and everything else for what's going on right now. i could give two shits about those people. all my life i've dealt with being judging me on the stupidest things in the whole world. i was judged as a little kid for being mixed .. in my young adulthood i've been judged for the same fucking things and then some. i'm literally sick and tired of this bull. i can't understand why people are so fucking inconsiderate of other peoples feelings, that they are blinded by there own self-righteous bullshit. i get to a point where explaining how i am would be a waste of fucking time. why should i explain myself to someone who thinks they have me all figured out? i bend over backwards onto a razor-sharp dagger. i housed someone out of the kindest of my heart, LITERALLY gave someone a roof, a job and a new start in life. what came of? i'm now an "overbearing asshole" i believe the quote was. and now all this drama with my current relationship status. all i have is one thing to say: back off.
in other news ... i feel drained every single day of the week. i feel like emotionally, i'm being pushed to one or the other. i weigh out the options all the time, and everytime i come up short with nothing. it's getting to a point where i'm running myself in circles. i hear things ... then i see things and my mindset is changed. talking it out with anyone doesn't help, because it's my choice to make, not anyone else. that's why this is so hard. i want someone to fix this, but in reality ... i'm the one who has to fix it. this week helped slightly, but drama over it just aided in my confusion. i'm a lost man trying to find his way to not only a greater happiness, but to himself .. that's what it boils down to. i'm not quite sure who i am anymore. some people view me as a honest, loyal person. some view me as a vicious persona, out only for myself and others misery. it just doesn't make sense. and frankly it scares me.
hopefully tomorrow will be a better day ... for my sake.
i'm sick and tired of people who don't me or who think who know me. i'm sick of being called an asshole and a jerk and everything else for what's going on right now. i could give two shits about those people. all my life i've dealt with being judging me on the stupidest things in the whole world. i was judged as a little kid for being mixed .. in my young adulthood i've been judged for the same fucking things and then some. i'm literally sick and tired of this bull. i can't understand why people are so fucking inconsiderate of other peoples feelings, that they are blinded by there own self-righteous bullshit. i get to a point where explaining how i am would be a waste of fucking time. why should i explain myself to someone who thinks they have me all figured out? i bend over backwards onto a razor-sharp dagger. i housed someone out of the kindest of my heart, LITERALLY gave someone a roof, a job and a new start in life. what came of? i'm now an "overbearing asshole" i believe the quote was. and now all this drama with my current relationship status. all i have is one thing to say: back off.
in other news ... i feel drained every single day of the week. i feel like emotionally, i'm being pushed to one or the other. i weigh out the options all the time, and everytime i come up short with nothing. it's getting to a point where i'm running myself in circles. i hear things ... then i see things and my mindset is changed. talking it out with anyone doesn't help, because it's my choice to make, not anyone else. that's why this is so hard. i want someone to fix this, but in reality ... i'm the one who has to fix it. this week helped slightly, but drama over it just aided in my confusion. i'm a lost man trying to find his way to not only a greater happiness, but to himself .. that's what it boils down to. i'm not quite sure who i am anymore. some people view me as a honest, loyal person. some view me as a vicious persona, out only for myself and others misery. it just doesn't make sense. and frankly it scares me.
hopefully tomorrow will be a better day ... for my sake.